Invaders of the Caribbean
by Chokopoppo
Summary: You all remember our friend, Captain Zim?" A roar of cheers. "KILL HIM!"
1. Stupid Dreams

Invaders of the Caribbean

Curse of the Black Pearl

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me…"

The sound of the quiet voice drifting over the mist was the only thing that made the old ship seem alive in the middle of the ocean. The soft music echoed off the still water and over the ice floes, drifting away in the otherwise eerie silence.

The singer? The young Gazlene Membrane, daughter of the governor Membrane Membrane. She was stuck on the ship with a bunch of adults, and not a single other soul under the age of thirty. She'd read the books she'd brought on the voyage a hundred times over each.

She was so BORED.

And so, Gazlene, or Gaz, as she was to those familiar with her, had resorted to singing, something she normally despised. At least she was singing about pirates, who were pretty cool. They blew stuff up and killed people. Gaz, being a morbid child in upbringing, had been rather fascinated with them, especially tales of Irkens, pirates who had devises beyond her eight-year-old imagining. Supposedly, they weren't even human, some sort of mystical, evil race. Not that Gaz would show interest in such frivolous things, especially since, according to her father, they didn't even exist. So here she was, singing, otherwise known as doing something she hated. Ugh.

"…We pillage, we plunder, we sack, we loot, drink…" Gaz's singing was very suddenly stopped by a none-too-friendly hand on her shoulder. She gasped despite herself, and glanced up to find the glaring faces of Commander Red and Commander Purple. At least, that was what everyone called them. Supposedly, they were Irken, but Gaz had yet to see proof, and she wasn't interested enough in rumors to go check it out herself. Besides, if they were, they did a pretty good job of hiding it.

"It's bad luck to be singing pirate songs on the ocean, Miss Membrane."

"Yeah. You wanna sink our ship? Huh? Huh?"

"Red, Purple, I suggest you hurry back to your posts. You're not supposed to be here." The new voice surprised Red and Purple, but Gaz had seen the man come up behind the two idiots.

"But she was singing about pirates!"

"That's bad luck! It's bad enough luck to have a woman on board, but a woman singing about pirates…"

Red and Purple were cut off, again, by the voice of authority. "To your posts, gentlemen."

The two potential-Irkens grumbled and stalked off, leaving only Gaz and her new companion at the bow of the ship.

"They are right, though, Gazlene. There's nothing good about pirates, and ESPECIALLY not those Irkens."

"I thank you for your help," Gaz took a quick glance at the General next to her. "Iggins, but I assure you, my interests are firmly set. I just happen to find pirates somewhat interesting."

Iggins did his best not to look informal around the governor's daughter, and failed utterly. "Please. You've just never met one before, is the only reason you think that. They're worse than vampire piggies. It's my goal to make sure every pirate and every Irken gets the right punishment: A short drop and a sudden stop."

Gaz glanced back to where Red and Purple were guarding deck. Upon seeing her fleeting glance on them, they took the opportunity to signal hanging with their neckties. Gaz's morbid nature kicked in, and she gave it an 'eh', shrugged, and glanced over to where her father was approaching. Iggins popped into salute as Membrane gave him a short talk.

"General Iggins, I fear that this conversation with my daughter goes rather against the principals of REAL SCIENCE that I have been bringing her up with. It takes some effort to teach REAL SCIENCE to a growing girl, so I'd appreciate if you and your sailor nonsense stayed far away from her mind." At the words 'real science', Membrane stopped what he was saying and hit a pose, pointing into the distance. He would then continue upon his regularly scheduled talk as if nothing had happened.

Iggins started, probably to protest that he hadn't been talking about 'sailor nonsense', then realized that he was talking to Membrane Membrane, and closed his mouth. "Yes, sir." Was all he got out of his clenched jaw, before heading off to the back of the ship, followed closely by Membrane. Gaz, once again alone, turned to the front of the ship and stared out into nothing.

And promptly caught sight of something.

Gaz threw her normal sullen disposition to the wind and pointed, then turned to the retreating back of her father. "Look!" It came out in a slightly more panicked voice than the calm she'd intended, and she mentally kicked herself for showing such weakness. "There's a boy down there! There's a boy in the water!"

The response on the ship was immediate and palpable. All crewmates, including, but not limited to, Red, Purple, Iggins, and even Membrane, rushed to the front of the boat. Sure enough, there on a makeshift raft lay a boy, pale as death with a mop of stark black hair, cloaked in tattered remains of what had probably been clothes before nature had made it's way to him. There were also, Gaz noticed, shiny spots near his eyes. While the adults rushed to and fro trying to get the boy onboard, she stood still, like the eye of a hurricane. It wasn't until they boy was actually on the ship and she distantly heard her father tell her to go see him that she snapped out of the stillness and went to see the newcomer.

When seeing the boy up close, Gaz noticed a few things she hadn't before. Firstly, he didn't have shiny spots on his eyes, he was wearing spectacles. They were broken, however, with a cobweb of breaks decorating them. Secondly, he looked pretty young, younger than she'd thought. He was maybe a year or two older than she was. Thirdly, he looked pretty beaten up, to the point that she was sure it wasn't just from nature. Something had been attacking him, she was sure.

The first instinct Gaz had was to remove the boy's glasses. Bad move. His hand shot up and caught one of hers, his eyes popping open and his voice suddenly spluttering in panic. Gaz did her best to calm him down which, unfortunately, went about as well as you might expect.

"Hey, let go of my hand! Chill out, would you? I'm not gonna hurt you." Her glare sharpened. "Unless you don't let go of me right now."

The boy, understanding quickly, released her hand, but held his glasses on. Gaz felt a tinge of sympathy for this kid. If she wasn't incapable of it, she would have apologized, but her pride made it impossible. She decided to leave the glasses alone and look to the shredded clothing. "You'll have to get new clothing. I'll ask Iggins if he's got anything spare. He's an irritant, but I bet he'll lend you something. If I get you clothes, do you think you could change into them yourself?" The idle chatter she supplied surprised even herself. She was usually the quiet one, sitting in a corner and reading while others tried to communicate. This was probably a once-in-a-lifetime thing for this kid.

The boy nodded, and Gaz turned to leave, but turned around when she heard a weak noise from the kid. "Yeah?"

"…My name's Dib. No last name." After seemingly using all his leftover energy, the boy, who's name was Dib, let his head drop back onto the wood on which he was resting. Gaz sighed and returned to find something to prop his head up with until she would come back and wake up. But, as luck would have it, she found something else, something around Dib's neck.

A golden coin, with a skull engraved on both sides. Gaz blinked. "Pirate, huh…?" Without thinking, she ended up taking the necklace from his neck and looking at it, only to turn suddenly and hide it behind her back as her father approached.

"What did you find out, Gazlene?"

"He's called Dib…Nameless." It took about two seconds to come up with an appropriate last name. "And he'll need some clothes. Let Iggins figure it out. Where is he?"

Membrane pointed to the other side of the ship. "He and the other _insane _sailors are talking about _insane_ things. Things that have _nothing_ to do with REAL SCIENCE!" Membrane posed and Gaz sighed. Leave it to her father to call sailors insane.

"Yeah. Sure, dad. Whatever. Listen, I gotta go." Gaz navigated around her father and headed over to where Iggins, Red, and Purple were looking out over the ice floes at something bad. Iggins passed the telescope-thing (Gaz didn't care what it was, really) to Purple, who opened it.

"Mary Mother of God…" The man mumbled. Gaz turned and strained to see, though it was hardly a strain at all in a few moments.

A huge shipwreck, from the very direction Dib had floated from. It shocked even Gaz, who was sure (incorrectly, in this case) that she'd seen and knew everything. Fire licked broken masts and the flammable canvas of the sails, jumping from barrel to barrel that sat in the water. The hull was barely together, and everything else was floating about in the water nearby. Gaz was focused on the wreck, but soon enough felt a gaze fall on her. She looked up to meet the eyes of Red, who was glaring down at her for the second time that morning.

"I told you!" He hissed. "It's bad luck! Now you've called pirates down on our heads!" Red pointed dramatically while Purple cut in.

"Well, not really _our_ heads…but they're certainly around. Thanks, Gaz."

And suddenly Membrane was behind Gaz, backing her up. "Don't be ridiculous, you two. That superstition goes _completely _against REAL SCIENCE, and therefore, I don't believe a word." You know the drill about him and 'real science' by now, don't you?

But Gaz wasn't paying attention to Red or Purple or even her father. Her eyes were on the boat on the distant horizon, sailing away from the wreckage. It's sails were huge, dark, and sent a strange pulsation through her body, starting with her hand, where the coin she had taken from Dib was grasped inside her pocket…

~!~

Gazlene's eyes shot open. Quickly, however, they narrowed again.

Stupid dreams.

~!~

**Hey there, everyone! It's me again! Chokopoppo!**

**Now, before you all fall into a mindless panic about incest, CALM DOWN. There will be NO relationship between Gaz and Dib beyond a bond similar to sisterly-brotherly B.S. Everything works out fine, TRUST ME.**

**I want to apologize in advance if the characters seem a bit O.O.C. This is my first time doing a solo I.Z. fanfic, and it may be really crappy, but I'm gonna do it. And, hopefully, I'll come out all the better for that. Hoopalah!**

**So anyway...**

**Love it? Hate it? Maybe even...read and review it? *wink wink***

**INVADER ZIM BELONGS TO JOHNEN VASQUEZ. I'M JUST A RABID FAN WHO HE'D PROBABLY LIKE TO HIT MULTIPLE TIMES WITH A BASEBALL BAT FOR BEING UNCANNILY OBSESSED.  
**


	2. Now it's now

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 2

Gaz had just snuggled back into a comfortable position under the covers when a thought struck her. The necklace. The one she'd taken from Dib twelve years ago. Where had she put it?

She did her best to ignore the question, but the question didn't want to be ignored. It kept nagging and nagging. Where was it? Did she lose it? Had someone stolen it? It set her tossing and turning when she'd much rather be asleep, and, with one final curse, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and sat up, opening one eye slightly to cast it around the room.

Where had she put the stupid thing?

After some angry, thorough searching, she ended up searching through her bedside table. She pulled out a drawer, removed her diary (which she had neglected to write in for about five years) and looked around the drawer. Nothing. She was about to slam it shut in anger and throw a hissy fit when she noticed something…peculiar. The bottom was too high for the drawer. A false bottom? Jesus, she'd forgotten anything like THAT was in her table…

Gaz, suspending her disbelief for a moment, reached around in the drawer and, feeling a handle, pulled it, revealing a hidden pocket underneath. And there…

The necklace. It was dusty, but the skull engraved upon it smiled uncannily back up at her, causing her to glare at it. She'd pulled the thing out of twelve years of gathering dust and what did it do? It tried to scare her. Well, it couldn't scare HER. Her old self was Lady Innocent McPeacefulcakes compared to her now. Just to show the necklace, she picked it up and brushed the dust off of it with her thumb. The small light from the candle beside her bed gave it an off-yellow shine, and cast shadows around the many engravings, giving it an even creepier appearance. Gaz ignored that particular fact and put the damn thing on, clicking the small latch on the back together. She admired herself in the mirror for a moment, feeling like a different person, just standing and looking more dangerous than she was normally allowed to…

The sharp rap on the door brought Gaz back to her senses. "Gazlene! Gazlene, are you decent?"

Her father. JUST what she needed in the morning. Gaz grumbled, and, remembering the necklace, hid it under her night-dress before yelling, "Yeah, dad, come in."

Membrane entered the room with a box under his arm. He took a look around the room. "Still asleep at this hour? Perhaps you should open up your curtains every once in a while, Gazlene." He chuckled at his own little joke as Gaz's maid opened up the curtains as if on cue. The bright light outside made Gaz squint. She mumbled something angrily about the stupid sun before returning her attention to her father, and, more importantly, the box under his arm.

"Hey, dad, what's in the box?" Gaz pointed at the box in her father's arms, not even bothering to cover her curiosity. It was too early in the morning (or…well, at least, it was too soon to when she'd woken up, as it was really more like afternoon) to be cynical. Her father chuckled.

"A present for my favorite daughter, who has been studying REAL SCIENCE with more enthusiasm then I expected her to!" Membrane handed the box to Gaz before striking his 'real science' pose. He then gave her an encouraging, fatherly, shake-of-the-shoulders. You know what I'm talking about.

More curious than she normally would have liked, Gaz opened the box and peered inside. Upon first glance it was normal fabric, but when she completely removed the top of the box and removed her present from it, it proved to be a very beautiful (and rather expensive-looking) dress. She turned back to her father, who gave her a thumbs-up. She smiled back at him, something she reserved for special occasions. She was flattered. He'd remembered to get it in black and purple, the only colors she wore without complaining of being uncomfortable. NO ONE remembered. Ever.

"Well? Go put it on, Gazlene." Membrane motioned to the maid who had opened the curtains. "Zita, why don't you help her?"

Zita nodded, though her gaze towards Gaz was disdainful. The two girls disappeared behind the standing curtain as Gaz stripped herself of her sleep attire and had Zita help her into the new dress.

Her father chatted idly as she got dressed. "I was hoping you would wear that. If you remember, and I have no doubt that you do, as you are my daughter, and I am a genius, so my daughter is ALSO a genius, without a doubt, that today is Iggins' promotion."

Gaz rolled her eyes. Iggins. She knew it. Her father seemed very much determined to set them up as a couple, despite the fact that Iggins was completely repulsive to her. However, her train of thought was stopped short by a sudden tug on the corset, leaving her desperately trying to catch the wind that had been knocked out of her.

"Commodore Iggins, he'll be after today. Are you alright back there? The dress fits all right? I hear that's the latest fashion in London."

Gaz gasped her lungs full of air to reply, "Well, women in London have found out how to breath with their skin." Before there was another tug on the corset and her lungs were uncomfortably empty once again.

Membrane was probably about to say something about how interesting that was, and how it could maybe benefit REAL SCIENCE, but he was stopped short by yet another knock on Gaz's door. He went to answer it, and, with a word of apology to Gaz, slipped out of the room, with only herself and Zita, who seemed only too pleased to put her through pain.

~!~

Dib stood idly in the front hall of The Membrane house. This whole situation made him uncomfortable. He'd never actually been inside of Professor Membrane's house, despite being…almost friends with Gaz. This place was pretty old, right? Were there ghosts living around here? No poltergeists, certainly, otherwise the place wouldn't have been as clean, but if this place was so old, then it probably had unhappy spirits of some sort somewhere.

Without thinking, Dib reached for his pocket and the notepad inside. He was all too ready to start taking notes on the place, but was stopped promptly by none other than the professor. He stuffed the notepad into his pocket, pretending he hadn't taken it out at all, and picked up the box he had with him. "Ah, professor…!"

Membrane stopped him short. "Now, now. You're friends with my daughter, and as you haven't gotten anyone, I wish for you to treat _me _as a father figure. Call me 'Dad'."

Dib raised a curious eyebrow. "Um…'dad'?"

Membrane thought for a moment, then shook his head. "No, that's a little too informal. We're both going to have to compromise. Call me Membrane."

Dib was more comfortable with Membrane then with 'dad'. That might have ended badly. "Ah, yes, Membrane. Anyway, this is…" Dib set the box on the table besides them, unhooked the latches that held it closed, and opened it, the top sitting uselessly as Membrane craned his neck over (still in it's lab-coat collar, though, don't forget that) to see what it was.

Membrane grinned widely and clapped his hands twice as Dib carefully removed the new sword, and held it to reflect the light. "Ah, splendid! What wonderful craftmenship! I'm sure Commodore Iggins will be very pleased indeed with this, Dib." Membrane took the sword, and, in a few moments, had put the sword through a few choice practice swings (using the swordsmanship skills that you KNOW he has) and had deemed it a 'great sword'.

Membrane handed the sword back to Dib to be put in the box. "Tell your master for me that he has made a great weapon, one which will _certainly_ punish many, all in the name of REAL SCIENCE!"

Dib knew a compliment when he heard one, even if Membrane was addressing the wrong person. Dib himself had forged the sword from the sweat on his back, and, even if Membrane had complimented his master, he was really complimenting Dib. The boy smiled. "I shall. Every craftsman is proud to hear that their work pleases someone." He and Membrane had a short, awkward moment of silence before the sound of someone trying to come downstairs gently while in great pain turned them both around.

Gaz couldn't breath. She really couldn't. Zita had made sure to tie the corset uncomfortably tight, and now just taking steps down the stairs hurt. She was thinking about giving up and going back upstairs when she saw Dib and her father chatting downstairs, only to turn and look at her. She hadn't seen Dib in a while, and she was only too happy to see the only friend she had on this godforsaken rock of an island (not that she would admit it or anything). That was what gave her the push to get downstairs.

And then she had to ruin her high by giving a snarky remark. "So you come over for the first time and it's to see dad?" Internally, she slapped herself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. I REALLY want to lose my only friend, don't I? Ugh._

Dib seemed mostly unfazed, however, much to Gaz's (hidden) relief. He was probably getting used to her verbal abuse by now. "Aw, you're so terribly sweet. You must be proud of your good manners." There was a point in time, somewhere in his youth, when Gaz would have terrified him by her unsaid threat, but he was used to it by now. The thorns had gone blunt after the first three times (in a row, too!) Gaz had threatened him and then not followed through. Maybe she was outgrowing her violence at last. One could only hope.

Gaz smirked at him. "Was that an insult? I ought to have you hanged, Dib." It was playful banter, but she saw Dib glance towards Membrane, who was giving him a 'if you do anything to my daughter, I have a shovel and a backyard. I doubt anyone would miss you' look.

"But then you'd miss me, Miss Membrane."

"That's too many 'M's in a row. My name is Gaz, Dib. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"As many times as it takes for me to forget my manners, Miss Membrane." Dib smirked in triumph as Gaz, once again, let the "too many 'M's" anger gnaw at her, but it fell when she gave him a glower that would have had the icecaps melting.

"Well, Gazlene, Dib. It's good to see you two getting on so well, but we have to go and see Iggins' promotion! Come along, Gazlene! In the name of REAL SCIENCE!"

As Membrane took a few moments to pose, Gaz returned her gaze to Dib. "Well, it's been good talking to you, Mister Nameless. Perhaps I'll see you again sometime." She turned on her heel, and gracefully (and very painfully) walked away, following her father closely in case she fainted, and needed something that would catch her. Or someone. Whatever. He did help her into the carriage when she could hardly step up herself, so that was good.

Dib watched after Gaz as she turned her back on him. He felt somehow dejected, but he wouldn't let it bother him too much. Gaz just didn't understand people, and maybe she hadn't meant to offend him. Wait, no. She definitely meant to offend him. Well, she'd forget about it soon enough. She never remembered to stay angry with him. It was just a thing. With that thought, he let himself be escorted out, giving enough breathing room for Gaz, and got to the door just in time to watch her ride away. "See you soon, Gaz." It was a mumble, not even loud enough for the butler who had escorted him out to hear. But it satisfied him, because, well, that was what she'd wanted, and he'd given it to her. Just because she hadn't heard it didn't mean it hadn't happened.

That thought was enough for him to get to the celebration by.

~!~

The majestic green head held a regal air about it, as though it was just _too amazing _for you, a mere mortal, to comprehend, and therefore would not lower itself to converse with you. The salty wind that emanated from the strong waves of the ocean blew the creature's antenna and ragged clothes, making his cape billow around him. Dark magenta eyes surveyed the ocean around it, eventually fixing upon a port off of an island in the middle of nowhere. "Hmph." And with that, the small, agile creature jumped from the top of the mast to the middle of the boat, only to scream hideously and jump onto a bench as it realized that the boat was flooding with water.

"OK, WHICH ONE OF YOU TOOK THE CORK OUT OF THE BOTTOM?!" For having such a dignified look on his face moments before, Zim had tossed it out in moments to shriek at his imaginary crew. He let one eye crack open slightly, and he realized that, once again, he was without his two normal companions. His eyes opened in some sort of stupefied shock, then narrowed in irritation. He grumbled, but not for long as he let out another hideous shriek as the water lapped up around his ankles and got INTO HIS BOOTS. He shook his boots around wildly in a painful flip-out, and it was only until he was up the mast that he figured out that TAKING HIS BOOTS OFF would be a good idea.

So that was what he did.

Sitting on the top of the one pitiful sail, Zim almost missed the three bodies hanging by ropes on the overpass. But he did get time to look around behind him and see the hanging sign with badly painted letters stating "**PIRATES, YE BE WARNED**", and a smaller text underneath that wrote "**Ircens to**", clearly by someone of a younger (or stupider) age. Zim sniffed in a dignified way as he emptied his boots and returned them to his feet. How dare ANYONE spell the name of HIS race incorrectly. He'd have them hanged. But he stood and gave a salute to the three Irkens hanging, and blowing in the now-dying wind, before returning his gaze to the port.

He was almost there…If his boat could just make it…

The Voot (what he had affectionately named his boat) slid right up against the dock, and Zim stepped off the mast and onto the dock, and left the thing mast-top deep in the water as he strutted along, clearly thinking himself important. Last minute, he reached around behind him and removed a hat and pair of contacts from his Pak and applied them. No one seemed to notice.

"Wait up a minute there, kid!"

Zim turned around aggressively to face the man who had stopped him. False indigo eyes scanned him up and down. Tall. Blond. Glasses (which indicated bad eyesight.) Friendly demeanor. Analysis: not a threat.

Under the hat, Zim cocked an antenna. "Yes? Hurry up, you're wasting my time, Hyuman-meat-thing."

The man grinned at him and kneeled over, which made Zim eager to punch his nose in (he resisted the urge, unfortunately). "I don't mean to be rude, but it's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock. Also, I need your name before you can go into town. Regulations, you know? What can you do?"

Zim looked at the man with one eye open and the other mostly shut. He seemed hyuman enough. Hyumans all liked monies. He could solve this problem with it. He scratched the back of his head, the fabric of the bandanna keeping him from cutting the skin open. "Look, hyuman-thing…" Zim reached into his coat pocket and produced a few coins, holding them in his claw, palm open to the man. "Zi…_I_ will give you three shillings, and your puny hyuman brain will forget that Zi…that I was even here, or that I had a name." Zim dropped the three shillings onto the open pages of the man's book and gave him a smile that looked like a zipper had pulled his mouth closed.

The man stared at the three shillings for a moment, as if unable to believe his luck, then gave Zim a huge grin and shut the book with a '_thump_'. "Welcome to Port Royale, Mister…Smith." And with that, the man strutted away, probably to go heckle some other person tying their boat up.

Zim watched him leave, then walked forward, picked up the man's wallet, shook it, and smiled to himself.

Stupid hyumans.

~!~

**Chokopoppo strikes again! Wow, quick updates for me. I'll bet you guys anything it was because of all the nice little reviews I got. They made me feel happy inside!**

**Well, know you know who Captain Jack Sparrow is! No one's gotten Captain Barbosa yet, though. Keep guessing, it makes me feel snuggly because, well, **_**aaall will be reveeeeeaaaaled**_**. Happy face.**

**So, yeah, not a lot happening in this chapter. I was all too ready to combine it with the next chapter, but I figured a quick update would be better than waiting for too long for a chapter just so that something cool would happen. Besides, you got your Zim. That's all you guys need, really! …Right? …Guys?**

**Alright, I promise to get the next chapter up by at least Sunday, hopefully before that. I'm really enjoying writing this, unlike all my other stories, which feel more like a second job. This has been what I've been doing for recreation. So…yeah! Sunday at least.**

**R&R?**


	3. Proposal of DOOM

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 3

Zim's steps were long and as full as someone of his height could be. He knew exactly where he was going, and exactly how to get there. He could see the harbor, with all the boats. Er…ships. Right, ships. He knew that, of course. After all, he was ZIM! He knew EVERYTHING! He _especially _knew which ship was the best to take. It was…that one! Wait, no, that one! Oh…wait. No. It was probably the one under protection. Two guards stood in front of the entrance to the dock onto that ship, so that was the right one. The best one, of course. Otherwise, why would it be under lock and key? Or, in this case, under watchful eye?

Zim smiled at his own superior intellect. A pitiful hyuman couldn't have realized that so quickly. Even a normal Irken might not have had such a quick thought process. But Zim was no normal Irken. He was ZIM! And he was all ready to strut straight onto the boat he _clearly_ deserved with his _superiority_ and all, but found himself stopped by the two _impudent _guards, who he had entirely forgotten about.

"Hey, man." Zim turned his head to glare up at the first guard. Brawny. Tall. Low intellect. Nothing at all like ZIM! Except, maybe, the 'tall' aspect. Because Zim was tall! Very! This hyuman just happened to be…slightly taller. But only slightly!

Zim cast eyes to the other hyuman. This one was much different. Small. Common senseless. All-around weakling. His hair seemed to be a part of his head, which he was itching while staring at Zim with a stupid intelligence you could practically see ebbing away.

Zim gave both of the stupid guards a zipper-grin, hiding his inner _disgust _at the two _hideous _hyuman creatures. "Yes, large meat-sack?"

The tall one seemed at a loss for a second, then regained his footing. "This dock's, like, off limits to civilians. So, uh…yeah."

Zim repressed his eye-roll. He was pretty sure that, as dull as these two were, they _might_ know what that meant and take offense. "ZIM is no civilian! And I am MORALLY OUTRAGED that you DARE suggest such a thing! Now, if you'll excuse me…" Zim attempted to slip by, but the smaller guard got in the way. Zim really did roll his eyes this time. "WHY is _this_ ship SO IMPORTANT, anyway?"

The tall one blanked, but the short one replied, "It's the Interceptor! It's, like, totally the fastest ship in the…the…this place we're in!"

"The Caribbean?" The tall guard suggested.

"Yeah, that one." The small one gave a little giggle and scratched the back of his head again.

"ZIM has heard of a faster one…" Hyumans were, really, too easy to deal with. He knew exactly what these two were like already (because he was ZIM! And Zim knew everything! For he was AMAZING!) , and exactly how to get them started. "I'm sure you've heard of it too. The Black Pearl? Ring any bells in those pitiful hyuman brains of yours?"

The tall one laughed. "As if. That's, like, not real, it's just a story. The Interceptor is the fastest _real _ship in the Caribbean."

The short one turned to the tall one. "But it iiiiis real! I saw it once."

The tall one grabbed the small one by the collar of his shirt. "You saw it. You, like, saw it? You saw a ship with black sails, and, like, captained by a man so evil, hell itself spat him back out? DID YOU SEE _THAT_, PUNK?"

The smaller shook his head quietly, and the larger dropped him. "So, obviously, I was right." He swung his head around to where Zim wa…to where Zim _used _to be. Both guards looked back and forth, trying to figure out where he'd gone.

Zim had, in fact, slunk right past them when the taller had started wailing on the smaller. He was now on the ship the guards had been assigned to protect, getting a feel for the steering wheel, masts, and other general boat anatomy. The two guards, upon noticing him at the wheel, gave shouts and went running up to him. It was then that they were probably rather thankful for the bayonets the English army supplied them with, as they seemed very good to point at someone who was fondling a ship they were protecting.

…That sounded wrong.

Not the point!

Zim's false indigo eyes narrowed at the two hyuman stink-beasts that had followed him onto the boat. "Lower your inferior hyuman weapons, Zim means no harm to your little boat. Ship. Whatever thingy. LOWER THEM OR I WILL INFLICT THE WRATH OF DOOKY UPON YOU!"

The two guards actually seemed slightly intimidated for a moment, but then strengthened up their defense again. "Uh, hey man, what are you doing?"

"Y-yeah! And don't lie!"

Zim sighed. "Obviously, Zim intends to take this ship and use it for his own means."

"Uh, dude, didn't we tell you, like, no lies?"

"Uhm…" The smaller waved his hand. "What if he was telling the truth?"

The larger one grabbed the smaller one by the collar. "Don't question me!" He then proceeded to beat the living beejesus out of the smaller one, while Zim watched in watered-down amusement, wishing he had some popcorn or something to eat. And then also to throw at them to aggravate them. Hoorah.

~!~

Gaz was sure she could feel her skin bubbling with the heat out of here. This was the kind of time that made her wish she were comfortable in lighter colors. Speaking of which…

This dress. Beautiful and expensive as it was, Gaz had to admit to hating it. It was around the shoulders, so she kept feeling like it was slipping off, it was _fucking tight_, and she _couldn't fucking breath _because of it, the black fabric made the heat from the sun about a billion times worse (as previously stated), and it was _heavy_. Jesus H. Christ, did people make dresses out of _lead _nowadays or something?

The ceremony had lasted for _hours_. She was so very sick of it all by now, and was thankful to be out of the sun, under an overhang. She wondered, idly, if Dib had shown up. Maybe he was in more pain than she was, but she doubted it. Stupid men with their stupid…comfortable clothing. And stuff. Lucky bastards, the lot of them, to be born male. And not with breasts. Argh, now she was thinking about it, and it was pissing her off. She was going to punch someone in the face.

Hey, maybe she could hit Iggins. He was coming over towards her.

And then he had to ruin her bad mood with uncharacteristically good manners. "Lady Membrane, if I may have a moment?"

It was at that moment that Gaz caught sight of Dib. So he _had _come. Normally she would go over and bitch him out for not coming over and giving her an excuse to get out of the sun, but she noticed that he was giving Iggins the same kind of look that her father gave him (Dib). She wasn't sure if she was supposed to feel flattered, annoyed, or creeped out. If this meant he had affection for her, she should probably be the former. If he was being protective, then she'd be annoyed, but if he _liked her _liked her, then, well, that would be creepy. He was like a _brother_, by God's sakes!

…Hey, maybe this was that 'protective older brother' thing she'd heard about from the maids.

Gaz returned her thoughts to Iggins, who was still standing and trying to look formal. She glared. "Yeah. Sure. Why not." She then followed him to the drop, which was (oh, crap) in the sun.

She was pretty sure he was saying something of great importance, but she wasn't paying attention or anything. However, she did pick up the hint that he was _proposing _to her. _Why?_ She'd never treated him well, something she'd been sure of. She talked down to him, threatened him, and did her best to scare him out of his wits. And yet, here he was, rambling _on_ and _on _about how she had become 'a fine lady' or some B.S. like that. She just stared and pretended to be listening.

It was true, Iggins was not _quite _as repulsive as he had been earlier in her life of knowing him. He'd thinned up and grown taller, and his voice had dropped, making it not-quite-so irritating. It was still irritating, though. Just not as much. But, seriously, his hair was _white_! How old _was_ he? She was twenty! He had no business going around asking twenty-year-old women to marry him! She still had life left to live!

Ack, too many 'L's.

Well, she was going to have to turn him down. Right away. After she had a breather. She really couldn't focus, not even on where her feet were. She heard a faint question, and, in response, gave what was _supposed _to be a threat, but didn't really come off that way. "I can't breathe…" And with that, she felt her knees give way, and the heat was suddenly being blown away.

And it was dark.

She heard someone screaming her name after her, but it was tinny and far away. So was the splash, though the sudden cold was such a stark change that her eyes opened a crack.

Underwater?

Oh…she must have fallen off the cliff.

Well, common sense time. Gaz was proud to have more common sense then most women her age. Some would just let themselves float pathetically to the bottom, but she wouldn't. No, she kicked off a nearby rock to send herself towards the surface of the water. Upon breaking the surface, she came to the unfortunate realization that she did not have quite enough common sense to remove her thirty-pound dress or corset, and with the shallow breath she was able to take, she found herself slipping back down into the water.

This…this couldn't be the end!

If it was, then, well…she didn't believe in God, but if she died, he was in _big _trouble!

She hardly felt the strong hand pulling on her arm, the sudden warmth on her body, and the feeling of being laid down until there was a sudden release on her chest and her lungs filled with oxygen.

God had escaped his punishment. This time.

~!~

Zim had just been placing bets with himself on how badly the smaller guard was going to come out when he heard the scream. His antennae stood straight up under the hat, and his head swiveled around to catch a black-and-violet streak fall from the heavens and create a large splash. He shook his head. Stupid hyumans, always doing stupid, unnecessary things. Like falling off cliffs.

Despite his best interests being against it, Zim ended up peering into the water where the blur had fallen. He scanned the surface, and saw, after a few moments, the head of a hyuman, a female of maybe twenty years. She struggled to stay up, splashing and writhing violently, which Zim found somewhat amusing, and then sank back down, fighting her demise the whole way.

Zim was only too ready to watch her die when he realized that, according to the screams, someone was on their way to get her. And if they were on their way over here, then…well, that would end badly for him if anyone recognized him for what he really was. Zim grimaced, disliking having to lower himself to the level of the stink-beasts, glanced over his shoulder to make sure the guards were still roughing it up, and, with a look of immense displeasure, extended his PAK legs into the water, wrapped one around her, and hauled her onto the boat.

Zim knew only too well of the impracticality of the hyuman clothes, especially those of the females. After all, he was ZIM! He knew everything! Everything that was worth knowing, anyway. And so much more! That was how _amazing _he was. So, clearly, he knew exactly what to do in this situation.

He pried off the top half of the worm-baby's dress, pulled a knife from his PAK, and slit the cords holding the corset in place. The woman gasped air in, then started coughing up the salty sea water.

Zim laughed. "Pi-ti-ful hyuuuuman! If you could see yourself right now, you would realize how _worthless _you are!" His open mouth shut suddenly, and he blinked once or twice. "Uh…of course, I, too, am a normal hyuman pig-smelly. Yes. Yes, of course. Nothing strange about me, no, nope, absolutely average hyuman, right here. Yeeeees. And I AM ZIM!"

Gaz continued to spit up seawater, and completely ignored the green creature who was strutting back and forth like a peacock, totally sure of himself, just because he had rescued her.

Wait a second.

Green?

Her _rescuer_?

Gaz's head spun. Normally, she wouldn't get confused over such random things, but a green creature that couldn't possibly be human had just saved her. Was it…? Wait, was that thing…_Irken?_ Like from the stories told by sailors and stuff? Gaz's shock registered on her face before she could stop it, but she concealed it at once. It couldn't be. Irkens didn't really exist, they were just stories made to scare little children from liking pirates.

Weren't they?

Gaz was ready to grab the thing (Zim, he was called, apparently) by the front of it's collar and beat the answers out of it when a guard, who had previously been beating something (or someone) into the ground, appeared next to her. "Uh, Lady Membrane. Are you, uh, like, hurt or whatever?"

Gaz rolled her eyes. She had just fallen off a cliff into a freezing ice-cold ocean and almost died, only to be stripped half-naked by a pirate that probably wasn't even human and had a huge ego. A not-human creature that was now trotting back and forth the bow of the ship in high-heeled boots. What the hell? Those were for ladies, not…green pirates. Or whatever he was. Had Dib been here, he would have insisted that this 'Zim' was an alien, she just knew it. And, hey, at this point in time, she would have believed him. She might not have _cared_, but caring and believing didn't always come hand in hand. Dib would have been thrilled just to have been believed.

Oh, yeah. The guard.

"I'm fine, no thanks to you." She turned to the pacing Irken. "Hey! Zip, or whatever your name is!"

Bad move. The Irken turned to glare at her, with an intensity that she wasn't sure she could match. "Stoopid hyuman! I am no 'Zip'! I am ZIM! _ZIM_!" Zim stopped mid-rant, however, his eyes suddenly focusing on something on her chest. Gaz looked down, thinking he was being lecherous, until she realized…

The necklace was out.

Gaz tried to cover it with her hand, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Zim came storming over and pushed her arm away, holding the coin with two claws (and they were claws, Gaz realized with some panic). The Irken's next words were mumbled, mostly, Gaz realized, to itself. "Where did a stinking pig-smelly get _that_?"

Gaz slapped Zim away. "Don't touch me, and don't touch my stuff!" She put a protective hand over the necklace, but felt something oppose her touch.

It was like magnetic repel, like the necklace was sending out waves. It pushed against her hand, and had the nerve to use such a thing to move _her_ hand away. Gaz snarled as the wind picked up and slapped her wet tendrils of hair against her face. She was so busy trying to make contact with the necklace that she didn't notice Commodore Iggins' troops surrounding her and Zim, the other guard joining in the circle.

Gaz looked around. "Hey. I don't care what's going on, but I want to go home. _NOW._" She was grateful (though she wouldn't show it) that Iggins stepped forward and handed her a towel to wrap herself in. She hadn't realized that, despite the warmth of the day, she was shivering (on account of the water on her skin and the wind). She pulled it around herself like a shawl and, as though she had some sort of plan for where this was going, she pointed at Zim, who was brushing himself off from…something. It didn't really matter. "That's the man who rescued me."

Zim glanced up and gave a smile of daggers and a little wave as, suddenly, every primitive hyuman gun was pointed at him. The leader of the troop stepped forward and extended a hand. "I believe that thanks are in order."

Zim stared at the hand for a moment, trying to decide which claw he was supposed to give to shake, and, eventually, got the right one, only to have his glove be pulled down and the white fabric of his shirt-arm pushed up. He winced as the Earth's stupid atmosphere bit down on the skin of his arms.

"I knew it." The leader seemed much less professional when he was smirking like a small child and seeing tattoos (and brands) that anyone could have identified, but that he felt he was special for recognizing anyway. "Irken, hm? And if it isn't the famous invader Zim."

Zim grimaced at his old title. "Foolish pig-smelly! ZIM is no longer a puny invader! He is a CAPTAIN! And that's so many times better, which matches ZIM, who is _superior in every way_…" Zim was cut short by another, more adult voice.

"Hang the traitor of society. Hang the traitor who cares not for REAL SCIENCE!" Governor Membrane had appeared in the ring of soldiers, near Gaz in a normal, fatherly, protective manner, and had posed especially for his catchphrase. That was probably why Gaz was so easily able to stop him.

"Hang on a second, dad." Gaz wasn't sure why, but she wasn't ready to see the Irken hung just yet. Somehow, she felt he hadn't really deserved it, which, upon later thinking, really surprised her, because it was completely against her regular mindset, which was 'people suck, they deserve pain'. "This guy saved my life. You're not even going to give him a second chance?"

Her father sighed, as if talking to someone much younger and of much lower intelligence. "Gazlene, darling, he saved your life, but he's destroyed so many others." To Iggins, he called, "Clap him in _scientific _irons!"

Iggins rolled his eyes and handcuffed Zim, then led him over by the governor and Gaz. "You two have anything to say to the Irken before I take him to jail? Governor? Lady Membrane? Hm?" His grip on Zim slackened as he asked the questions. Unfortunately, he slackened them slightly too much.

Zim saw the opportune moment, and swung the handcuff chain around Gaz's neck, causing her to give a slight, un-Gaz-like squeal. He swung around into a better position with Gaz being used as a human shield, between him and the guns of the army.

He gave no comforting words to the girl he held hostage, but gave Iggins a zipper-smile, as if saying 'ha ha, bet you've never been this close to her before, but I only knew her for a few minutes and she already likes me more than you, I AM ZIM'. Then he cackled right in Gaz's ear. She glared at him. He ignored it. "Pi-ti-ful hyuuumaaaans! You are no match for ZIM! Remember that, foolish creatures, after I have departed! In case your pig-smelly brains cannot comprehend all those long words, the hyuman equivalent is…YOU ARE ALL STOOPIIID! VICTORY FOR ZIIIIIM!" With that, Zim released Gaz, kicked her into the ranks and had a highly complicated escape, which I will not fully describe, but will leave to your imagination. I'll also tell you that it had to do with a bridge, several canoes, and a bowel full of wet noodles.

Meanwhile, Gaz was simmering with rage. "When I catch that two-timing scumbag, I will make him suffer a nightmare world which he will never escape."

Her father gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Of course you will, daughter. Now, let's go home and get you something warm to eat. And possibly some clothes, too."

Warm food and clothes. That was enough for her.

~!~

The blacksmith shop was dead quiet.

For the past three minutes, Zim had been carefully searching for any signs of life, and had only found two: a drunken, passed out man, who was slumped in a chair in the corner, and a donkey, who was as stubborn as any ass and had a collar stating that his name was 'Benjamin'. He'd even attempted to wake the drunkard up, because, hey, he could help in the removal of the almighty ZIM'S handcuffs, but the man was out like a light. Zim hissed in irritation and swore in his native language. Filthy hyumans, with their…their filthiness! They were all useless, the lot of them. He was going to have to do this by himself, wasn't he?

But because he was ZIM, full of amazingness, he knew _exactly _what to do! Even though his first plan of 'hit the chain with a hammer' hadn't worked, it didn't mean his second plan of 'make the donkey walk in a circle and swing your chain between the gears' wouldn't! It was just the stupid stubborn-ness of this stupid donkey. Who wouldn't move. But this little drawback wouldn't upset him! After all, he was ZIM!

With that thought, he started looking for means to force the donkey to move. Red eyes scanned the room, his contacts lost long ago. Those damn noodles…

_Concentrate! _Very few people snap at themselves, but Zim was one of them. Not that he was a filthy hyuman person, of course. No, he was the pride and joy of his own race, the Irkens! That was because he was so smart! His intelligence was one he was about to demonstrate. Riiiight…now. No, wait, now. Wait…OK, now. Now. Nnnnnow. Now.

After a few more mental 'now's, Zim really did demonstrate his intelligence as his eyes fixed themselves on red-hot blacksmithing pokers. His face split into a cold grin. Pain really was the best way to get a donkey moving. To get anything moving, really. He also liked the feel of holding one in his claws. The glowing heat off the tip was one he remembered from being branded some time ago. He winced at the memory. How _dare _anyone brand the amazing ZIM! Well, he held the poker now, and _he _would do the branding.

Which he did.

The donkey gave a little whimper of pain and began moving. Zim smirked and threw the chain over the main gear and let the other gears do their work, like they were supposed to. See?! He was a genius!

Admiring the job the gears had done on chewing the chain apart, Zim almost missed the sound of the back door being unlocked. However, when he did hear it, Zim decided that maybe hiding would work better for this situation than fight. And so, he found himself a little nook/cranny/whatever to hide in, allowing his red eyes to glow from the darkness. After all, if the hyuman thing came in, it had _better _realize that he existed! And that he was _amazing! _Yeeeess…

Dib opened the door to the blacksmith, more than ready to kill Iggins. The stupid commodore had let _his _friend _fall off a cliff _and_ almost be killed by a pirate _because he was too busy _being full of himself _while _proposing to her _to notice that she _couldn't breath_. If it were in his right, Dib would have punched the older man out. Hard.

But instead, he'd been forced to watch the incompetent man try to find the pirate (Irken, he'd heard) that had threatened Gaz. He'd been unable to even go and comfort his friend, to let her know that everything would be alright, that they'd catch the damn pirate, and he'd help, and make sure it was hung, drawn, and quartered. No, he had to return here.

The first thing he noticed, upon entering, was Benjamin walking around, ears back in fearful panic. Dib hurried over and comforted the frightened creature, then, with a much more wary eye, looked around for the source of the trouble.

His master was still right in the chair, drunk and asleep, just as he had been for the past week (except, of course, when Dib came over and gave him something to eat, or brought more beer). However, his hammer…it was certainly in the wrong place. He'd left it all the way across on the other side of the shop. And from there, his eyes glided to the hat, which was certainly not his, and certainly not his master's. He reached for it, wanting to pick it up…

The small ting and the flat end of a sword's blade on his hand made him look up. There stood a creature, green skin, red eyes, and antennae twitching out from holes in its bandanna. An Irken. His eyes narrowed behind glasses. "You. You're the one they're all looking for. The Irken!"

Zim smirked, stepping forward and picking up his hat, replacing it on his head. "Of course they're looking for me. And why not? I am the almighty ZIM!"

Dib gave Zim a rather confused look. "Uh, no, they want to kill you."

Zim, too, looked confused at this. "Hm? But why would they wish to kill the amazing ZIM?"

Dib grit his teeth and glared, anger taking over confusion. "You threatened my friend."

Zim blinked. "And you are a filth-hyuman of some great importance?"

"Uh…well…" Dib cast his eyes down. "No." They snapped back up, angrier than ever. "But _she _is! She's the governor's daughter! And I'm going to make you pay for hurting her!" With his spare hand, Dib drew a sword from one of the hooks where it was hanging, ready to be sold, and brandished it at Zim.

Zim snarled. "Zim? Hurt the puny hyuman? Zim SAVED the filthy wretch! She would have drowned otherwise, and had ZIM not been there, she would have been long dead and gone! Watch who you accuse!" He changed his stance into offensive, more than ready to fight. But he stopped all of a sudden, one eye open, the other squinting. "Somehow, you look familiar, big-headed boy. Have you met the almighty ZIM before sometime in your useless, humble life?"

Dib glared. "My head's not big! Besides, if I'd met you before, you'd be dead! Because I would have killed you!"

Zim glared back. "You? Kill _me?_ Hardly, foolish pig-smelly!" And with that, he lunged with his sword.

Dib deflected the jab and tried to slice down, only to be blocked. He pulled away and gave an undercut, only to be blocked again. He deflected a blow aimed at his shoulder, and stepped to the left.

Zim was, while fighting, observing the scenery. No, it wasn't because he wanted to look at all the swords; it was because he was looking for an escape. After all, he could do that _while _fighting the foolish boy with the big head! He was indefatigable! He was undefeatable! He was ZIM! That was why he knew that he had to move around carefully. He had to get adjacent to the back door, where he could make his escape. Not because he had to…eh…run away, or anything, of course. No! He simply did not wish to…er…waste his time! With this foolish pig-smelly! Who would never defeat him normally! Zim was just distracted because he had to get back to port, steal a boat, and get out before the navy got him. Yes, _that _was why he was running away. Of _course._

After some handy footwork on the part of both Zim and Dib, Zim finally gave the young man a zipper-smile. "It's been fun fighting with you, pig-smelly. Now go do me a favor and throw yourself into the sea of hammerheads with your big head and its smelly corn-filled stink-self!" And, after the completely nonsensical insult, which sounded like he just threw a few threats together and kicked them across the room at someone, Zim turned and ran towards the door.

Dib didn't even have time to let Zim know that what he'd just said didn't make any sense. He instead focused on stopping the Irken's escape. If that meant taking his sword and throwing it through the handle of the door, then so be it.

Zim stared along the base of the sword, which was now lodged in the door, centimeters away from his face. Had he been a puny hyuman, he would have mentally thanked his respective deity that it had not hit him. But ZIM was no hyuman! He was an Irken, and Irkens were smarter than that. He knew the big-headed boy had been aiming at the door. The young man didn't wish to kill the Irken.

How naïve.

That could be used against him later…

Zim turned to face Dib, and indicated the sword with a claw. "How _dare_ you attempt to thwart the almighty ZIM'S escape! He will make you a laughing-stock for this _insolence_!"

Dib smirked. "How are you going to do that? There's only one other way out of here, and I'm in your way! You'll have to go through me first!"

An uncanny grin spread across Zim's face. "You have no weapon, _hyuman-filth_!"

It was at that point in which Dib picked up a hot poker.

Zim swallowed, all cockiness washed from his face, and Benjamin the donkey began to trot again, the memory of the brand bringing fear out in the creature. Zim idly wondered if the hyuman would ever be able to use the pokers again, because of the donkey.

Ah, well. It served him right for standing in the way of ZIM!

And with that, the two engaged in fighting once again. There was a short pause in which Dib ended up discarding his poker for a sword, something that confused Zim highly, but nothing that he thought too much about. Hyumans were just stupid, the lot of them. Even if this one _was_ rather skilled with the blade, that didn't mean anything! He was…probably bad at everything else! Yeah! Perhaps he was what the pitiful hyumans called a 'eunuch'. Whatever that was. He'd heard that it was sort of a bad thing. Hey, maybe he'd ask!

Zim stepped back. "Zim has been thinking about this, and, lucky for you, it has to do with you, you worthless piece of meat-stuffs!" He pointed a claw at Dib. "You! You're not one of those 'eunuch' whatevers, are you?"

Dib flushed. "What the hell?! Where did _that _come from? Of course I'm not, you idiot, I don't protect women from rapists or whatever! I'm a _blacksmith_, got it? I'm the one who makes the swords you see everywhere!"

Zim looked around, as if seeing the area for the first time. "Oh. I was wondering about all that." But, in the few visual sweeps he took, Zim also looked at the current position. Really discreetly, of course. He was ZIM!

Dib wondered, for a moment, why the Irken was staring blatantly at him, then shook it off. Irkens. Whatever.

However, Zim had realized that Dib was standing on the lowered half of a see-saw-type platform. And that he, Zim, was standing slightly above the high end. It didn't take long to put two and two together.

Zim jumped.

He jumped heavily, forcing all his weight into his feet and practically kicking the wood as he came down. Zim may not have seemed heavy, but his PAK made up for his tiny size. It (his PAK) was filled with, well…everything. Crème of everything, complete with PAK legs, lifeline, soul, mind, weapons, identification, programming, software, etc. Zim never felt his PAK because (A), he'd had it since he'd been spawned, and (B), he was ZIM! Zim worried not for such things!

And so, with the combined weight of Zim and his PAK, the jump successfully sent Dib sailing into the rafters, scrambling to get a hold of something and pull himself up. He kicked his feet uselessly in the air, as though he'd find purchase on some sort of invisible surface, before he managed to just haul himself up and standing.

Zim smirked. Now it was an easy escape. He took the time to punch a fist in the air and pose a few times.

Bad idea.

While Zim was flaunting like a peacock to no one but himself, Dib had been trying to find a way to get down. When he noticed that such a thing would be difficult, he found a way to get Zim up instead. The hanging weights (Dib tried not to think about why they were there) above the spot he'd been before seemed like an adequate barter. And as Zim was just smiling and pointing at nothing in particular (it made one ponder at the Irken's sanity), he cut the rope suspending them, sending them down, and effectively sending Zim back up, leaving the Irken in a position similar to the one he'd been in only moments before. What Dib hadn't expected was for Zim's back-shell-thing-whatever to sprout spider legs and haul him to safety.

"Oh, you _miserable _hyuman! You will pay for this!" And, once again, the sword fight began again. This time, however, the footwork had to get fancier and fancier, on account of them being in the rafters and everything.

Swords clashed. Time passed. And Zim was more and more ready to just jump from the rafters, risk the broken limbs, and run to freedom.

But no. This hyuman was between him and his escape, and for once, Zim wasn't sure of what he had to do.

His chance came suddenly.

Dib lunged at the Irken, just as frustrated with the fight as his green opponent. He seemed to have forgotten that they were in the rafters as he hit the creature head-on and sent them both falling. He closed his eyes tightly, trying not to think about the fact that he was now going to die, thinking more about the fact that, hey, at least the pirate was coming down with him.

But he didn't die, and neither did Zim.

Another useful thing about PAK legs is that they don't give way, so when you use them to hold the ground underneath you and prevent your death, you don't die. Zim caught himself using the PAK legs, and Dib, who was hanging onto him for a moment, slid off. In that moment, Zim was off the legs, sword in hand, pointed at Dib's throat.

Dib had only garbled wits as his hand struggled to find the sword he'd dropped, eventually making purchase with the handle, only to find a sword tip at his neck. His eyes narrowed. "Filthy cheater."

Zim smiled. "Your whole head is full of filth, pig-smelly! Now, if you'll excuse me…" Zim turned to leave.

"Wait! This isn't over, Zim! Come back here and face me!" Dib scrambled to his feet, yelling with irritation. Zim couldn't just leave after all that?

Zim turned to give one final smirk. "See ya, hyuman! Or not." He was more than ready to laugh at his own joke when he felt something hard on the back of his head, and the rather painful fall to the ground, face first.

Dib stared at the fallen body of his opponent, then let his gaze slowly travel upward to meet the gaze of…his master?

And, with no further ado, the sound of a door being smashed open reminded him that the navy had been after Zim.

Commodore Iggins strode over to Zim's fallen body, between Dib and his master. "Good job, mister Brown. You've assisted in the capturing of a dangerous criminal."

Dib's master shrugged. "Jus' doin' mah civic du'y, shir." Dib's eye twitched.

"Well, we'll all remember this as the day in which _Zim_ was stupid. And it is a victory for English society, after all. Take him away."

The whole thing left Dib feeling very empty. As he watched the men in the navy haul Zim away, complaining about how strangely heavy he was, Dib couldn't help but want to go and tell Iggins, "Hey, Mr. Brown didn't do anything! Well, OK, so he hit Zim with the bottle, but I did everything else!" But it was an urge he resisted. After all, Iggins was a commodore.

And he was just a blacksmith.

~!~

**Agh, this chapter is really long.**

**Well, I did manage to get it up on Sunday. And look at all the ACTION! Man, there's that entire fight scene which I totally didn't know how to write, on account of not being an action-writing kind of guy. Gal. Whatever.**

**Thank you for all the reviews! Barbosa will be revealed next chapter! CONTINUE GUESSING!**

…**Or, y'know, you can just…talk about your feelings. Whatever.**

**Next chapter will be up by Wednesday! I'm really going to regret making that deadline, but it's been made, it's set in stone, it cannot be undone! A terrible tragedy, really. Ah, well.**

**INVADER ZIM DOESN'T BELONG TO ME. GODDAMMIT.**


	4. A bargain is a bargain

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 4

"There you go, lady Membrane." The purple haired maid finished setting the warm tray under the first cover of Gaz's bed. She then gave Gaz a smile, one full of metal and rainbow bands.

Gaz gave an approving 'mm', which was about as close as she got to thanking someone. She glanced up from her book to return a half-smile, though it came out more like a smirk.

Gretchen, her maid, went on and continued as she fluffed Gaz's pillows. "It must have been an exiting day for you."

Gaz shrugged. "Well, Iggins, you know? What can you do?"

Gretchen shook her head violently. "No, no! I was talking about being threatened by that pirate whoever." She paused, as if thinking. "But, you know, if it's not too bold to say, you and Iggins. There's a fine match."

Gaz took a bookmark and shut _Kill Doctor Lucky, _placing it on her bedside table. That damn bedside table. "It's an unfortunately good match. He's a fine man now."

Gretchen seemed to be just looking for the right opportunity, and let a little blush spread across her cheeks. "But, y'know, that Dib Nameless. He's a fine man too…"

Gaz's eye twitched. "Now _that's _too bold to say."

Gretchen smiled. "So you mean I can have him, then? Yay!" With that, she promptly skipped out of the room, whistling a happy tune, leaving Gaz staring after her, confused as all hell. Eh. Whatever.

Gaz blew out the candle next to her bed and snuggled down into her covers. She'd reject Iggins tomorrow, and laugh at him the whole way, but until then, she'd be sleeping peaceful. And warm. That was a nice warm tray…

~!~

The wind was stronger than ever now.

Zim could feel it pushing through the windows in his cell. He didn't really care, though. A little wind couldn't affect him! He was ZIM! Even though he was, right now, headed for the gallows the next morning. That was, eh, a minor setback. But nothing big! He could do this! He'd…eh…escape! Yeah!

He switched his glare to those in the cell next to his. They were all crowded together, one tiny bone in hand, trying to bait some stupid dog to come. It was the dog with the keys, of course, but it was still a stupid dog. Not to mention that it stayed put. That was probably because there were about twenty people in the other cell, all whistling to it and trying to get it to come to them. Zim rolled his eyes. Hyumans. Really. "Beg and plead as you will, it's all for nothing. That dog will never move to a stinking hyuman."

One of them turned to glare at Zim. "Well excuse us, mate, for not bein' ready to face the gallows jus' yet." He then returned to whistling to the dog.

Zim rolled his eyes and set his hat over his face.

Maybe he could get a sleep cycle in for these last few hours…

~!~

"Has my daughter given you an answer yet, commodore?"

"Hardly. When she was about to, she fell off a cliff, and then that pirate went and ran his hands all over her." Iggins snarled, clearly still bitter about the whole 'someone who she'd never known got closer to her then I have, and I've known her for her entire life' thing. "I am very much looking forward to his dawn appointment with the gallows."

Membrane smirked under his collar at the strange possessiveness Iggins seemed to have for his daughter. He'd make a fine husband. "She _has _had a trying day, it's true. However, it was all in the name of REAL SCIENCE!"

Iggins watched Membrane pose and wondered _how _the day had had _anything _to do with 'Real Science'. He then shrugged it off as just Membrane being Membrane.

"What's that noise?"

Iggins stopped and listened as well. His eyes widened.

"CANNONFIRE!"

He lunged at Membrane and took them both to the ground as a cannonball flew right over their heads and shattered the wall behind them to pieces. Another smashed a hole through a nearby barricade, crumbling the defenses to dust.

"Governor! Go and barricade yourself in my office!" Iggins glanced at Membrane, who seemed completely out of it. "That's an order!" No movement. Iggins sighed. "That's a _scientific _order."

And with the word 'scientific', Membrane was up and running, shouting "REAL SCIENCE!" the whole way through.

Iggins returned his gaze to the place from which the cannons originated. He squinted into the fog, but could see nothing.

An enemy he could not identify. How fun.

~!~

Zim was just preparing himself for his sleep cycle when he heard the explosions. His eyes widened and he sat up, the hat he'd propped over his face falling into his lap. "ZIM knows those cannons!" He scrambled to his feet and peered out the cell window. "The pearl…"

All of a sudden, every eye from the other cell was on him, and all twenty-or-so men scrambled to the cell windows as well. One particular redhead (Who even the almighty ZIM had difficulty deciphering the gender of) spoke up. "I…I've heard stories. Of the Black Pearl. She's been on the ocean for near ten years. Pillaging towns and villages all over the Caribbean. There are never any survivors."

"Foolish hyuman filth!" Zim snapped. "If there are no survivors, then were do the stories come from? Use your head, stupid as it may be!" His little talk was stopped by the sound of cannon fire and lunging out of the way. There was a crumbling noise, and Zim glanced up to see a hole.

Blasted through the _other _cell's wall.

The men in the other cell all went running free. The redhead glanced back at Zim apologetically. "My grievances, mate. You've got no manner of luck at all." And with that, (s)he departed.

Zim snarled after the (wo)man. "How dare you say such _things_! ZIM has all sorts of luck, for that is his nature! To be SUPERIOR IN EVERY WAY!" But no one was listening. How _dare_ they not listen to ZIM!

~!~

Dib was more than ready when the time came. He grabbed his tools and headed out of the blacksmithery, ready to kill some pirates. He watched one chase after a tall brunette (with some clear intent to take her down and do…improper things), and hurled a poker, which went straight through the green man (another Irken, huh?) and pinned him to the ground. Dib ran forward, pulled the poker out, and kept running.

~!~

Gaz was up and out of bed as soon as she felt her bed shake. She'd always been a light sleeper, and for once, it was paying off. She recognized cannon fire when she heard it. She struck a match, lit her candle, and left the room, only to bump into Gretchen, who pulled her into another room.

"Lady Membrane, it's pirates! They're here for you!"

Gaz stared at the girl, at a bit of a loss. "What? Why?"

Gretchen lowered her voice to a whisper. "You're the governor's daughter."

There was the sound of rattling, like someone pounding on the door. Both girls looked towards the front of the house. Gretchen paled. "Oh no…they're coming here! What if The Letter 'M' opens the door?"

Gaz panicked. She pushed the door open and watched, in horror, as The Letter 'M' actually did walk towards the front door. "Don't let them in!" But her shriek came too late as the man opened the door and a ginger smiled and pointed a gun at the man's head.

"Heya there, buddy~"

The sound of a gun. A body falling to the floor Gaz screamed. Two pairs of eyes went up to stare at her.

A mechanical voice and a robot's hand pointing at her. "There she is. Get her."

"Sure, buddy~" A human with uncanny red irises and tiny pupils went to the robot, then returned to Gaz, and headed toward the stairs. So Gaz did what anyone would do.

She ran.

"Gretchen!" Gaz waved the older girl down. "Gretchen, I need you to get out of here as soon as they're out of the front hall and get help!"

Gretchen nodded, and pushed something into Gaz's hands. "Here. I'll get help, you barricade yourself in somewhere and if they get too close, hit them with this." With that, Gretchen disappeared downstairs somewhere, managing to pass by the two pirates with an ease Gaz could never have accomplished. Only then did Gaz look down to see what Gretchen had handed her. A warm tray, the embers just out of the fire.

Gaz had little time to smirk about the tray before she heard the door being slammed into. She stepped back, holding the tray defensively, trying to find some way out. She couldn't find one.

So, when the door opened and the overly happy ginger came running towards her, she thought only to hit him with the warm tray. He caught it, and, finding that she couldn't pull free, opted for the second option: open the tray and let the hot embers spill onto the boy. He was brushing the burning wood out of his hair and face while squealing as she went running towards her father's study.

It was safest in there.

Realizing that there was no lock on the door, Gaz did the first thing she thought of: she grabbed a candelabrum and stuck it over the two handles, effectively holding the door shut while she searched for a place to hide. Normally she would stand and fight, but these guys seemed like the type to ignore rules of chivalry and hit her back, which wouldn't be good. She might actually _lose. _The very thought of potential humiliation pissed her off. So she'd just hide instead.

"C'mon, buddy, come on out~" The chipper voice and the slamming of the doors reminded Gaz that she didn't have any time to think about it. So she just chose the closest hiding place she could find.

A few more bashes and the doors gave way. Two sets of footsteps, one mechanical and cold, the other chipper and light. "Do not try to hide. You have something that rightfully belongs to us. If you do not surrender it, we will destroy you and your whole town. It is calling to us. Do not try to hide." The small robot looked around, analyzing for the hiding place, then pointed. It's human companion nodded and walked to the closet, peering in through the cracks. The girl inside let her view slowly slide up to meet his gaze.

"Heya there, buddy~"

"Parlay!" It was the first thing that blundered out of Gaz's mouth when the doors to the closet were opened. The ginger seemed slightly confused.

"What did she say, buddy~?" He turned to his robotic companion, who shrugged, then turned its glowing red eyes back to Gaz.

"Speak plainly, human, or I will obliterate you."

Gaz wasn't sure if these idiots were serious or not. "Parlay. That means…" She groped for words that these two would understand. "It means that you can't hurt me, and you have to take me to your captain.

The human blinked, then turned to the robot. "Hey, buddy, I don't really get it~…"

The robot smirked in reply. "Don't worry, Keef. She'll come and see the master without a fuss. You don't even need to grab her."

~!~

Dib was fighting pretty well when he heard the shout.

He turned to see where it had come from, only to let his eyes widen in shock as he saw Gaz being hauled off with some ginger and a robot midget. There was a short moment of eye contact before he started running, more than ready to beat that uncanny ginger into pieces for handling his friend like that.

However, he was stopped by none other than…

Dib's eyes widened, then narrowed. "Hey, didn't I kill you before?" The pirate in front of him, who Dib was _sure _he'd put a poker through, smiled, waved, and pointed at the ground between the two of them. Dib looked down and froze.

A small bomb, the light on the fuse getting closer and closer to the designated explosive. Dib was unable to move, as though something was holding him by the legs. Instead, he just shook his head and babbled incoherently, as was in his nature when something terrible was about to happen. The fuse was close. Closer…closer…

The light hit the explosives and promptly went out.

There was an awkward silence. The pirate scratched his back.

Dib stared at the pirate for a moment, then pointed and laughed, really setting himself up for the hard smack on the back of his oversized head. His focus went fuzzy, and he could almost feel himself falling over backwards. Almost.

~!~

Gaz tried to pull her arms away from the grabby hands of the ginger, but he was a clingy person, apparently. After several attempted yanks, she decided to threaten him instead. "Look, you. You have ten seconds to let go of my arm before I plunge you into a nightmare world from which there is no awakening."

Keef, she was pretty sure the man was called, released her immediately, his hands flying to his mouth in an overdramatic gasp. "Oh, I'm sorry, buddy~! I didn't know you didn't want to be touched! You should just say so! I would understand." He gave her a huge grin, and Gaz stared at him, more than confused.

"Uh…how did _you _become a pirate?"

Keef gave her a big smile, his tongue lolling out of his mouth slightly. "My two bestest buddies in the whole world were pirates, so I decided to join up with 'em! My _bestest_ bestest buddy got left behind on an island for a vacation, but my other bestest buddy is over there, right on the other side of you!" He pointed at the robot on Gaz's other side. "That's GIR! Back when my _bestest _bestest buddy was our captain, he was really happy, but I guess he misses the captain, 'cos he's serious a lot now." Keef's face fell for a moment, which made Gaz want to feel bad for him, but it popped back up again, happier than ever, and she was, once again, filled with an untamable rage. "But it's OK, because he's really cool now! He can do everything, and our captain says maybe he'll get promoted to first mate soon~! I think it would be super cool to be bestest buddies with the first mate! Wouldn't that just be great, GIR?"

The robot's red eyes suddenly dimmed into a strange, light blue. "Yeah!" The volume of the creatures (suddenly unnaturally happy) voice made Gaz flinch. "An' we'd dance into oblivion with the cows! Taco salad! Wee hee hee!" The robot giggled insanely for a moment before turning red again.

Gaz was beyond weirded out.

She tried not to think about it as Keef and GIR pulled her to board the ship. It was at that point that she took a look around. At the bow of the ship there was a silhouette of something humanoid, standing at the steering wheel and gazing off into the distance of the ocean. There was something intimidating about it, something…frightening.

"You!"

Gaz swiveled her head, then rotated it up, staring straight up at yet another green creature. This one happened to be huge, broad and rather intimidating. But Gaz couldn't be intimidated. Fuck whoever this guy thought he was. She glared. "OK, mister captain, you've got ten seconds to explain why I'm on this ship before I-" The prompt slap across her face rather ended her speech. She touched her face in shock for a moment, trying to understand that she'd just been _slapped_, and, when she understood that, she sent a very angry glare at the huge creature. "Why, you-!"

Another slap. "You will speak when spoken to!"

"And _you'll _not lay a hand on those under the protection of Parlay." The voice was sharp, British, and higher in pitch than even the stupid ginger's. It was also…oddly feminine. Gaz looked up and blinked.

In front of her stood yet another Irken, this one apparently telling off the large one. She (for Gas was sure that this Irken was female) was taller than Gaz, but not by much. She didn't have lips, just a slit where her mouth was supposed to be, and dark purple eyes. No pupil, no whites, no iris…just purple. Atop the creature's head were two jaggedly curved antennae, longer than Zip's (or whatever his name was). And the mouth…sharp teeth, which looked as though they were made to stab and rip, and a long, segmented tongue. The whole spectacle gave Gaz a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

These…Irkens. They really weren't human, were they?

She let the shiver slide up her back before she could stop it as those dark purple eyes turned to stare at her while the giant grumbled and went back to his spatula. The harsh smirk sent another shiver. Gaz could feel herself loosing ground against this thing. And then it _spoke_, something that made it about a thousand times worse. That snapping, metallic voice _must _have been designed to intimidate, even if it's words were kind. "I apologize for the rudeness of my crew, dragging you out here. Supposedly, however, according to GIR-" She pointed a claw at the robot, who popped into a salute. "-You _wanted _to come see me. Why is that, eh?"

Once again, Gaz felt in control. She was leading the discussion now. "To put it in simple words so that you can understand, I want you to leave and never come back."

The Irken threw her head back and cackled. When she had regained control of herself, she was still smirking, her smile not even as friendly as the zipper-like-thing of Zim. "What makes you so sure I'll take that deal? What do you have that I want, hm? You've got ten seconds to answer before I hurl you off this ship, and whatever deal you want with you."

Gaz swallowed, not entirely sure that the Irken was lying. She reached around her neck and unhooked the necklace that she'd accidentally fallen asleep in. She held it out. "I'll give you this if you turn your rudder to this town."

The Irken blinked in some sort of shock, then gave Gaz a perplexed look. "What makes you think I'd want that? Sure, it's valuable, probably, but we've got about seven times it in _one_ of the many crates down below in the hull." She smirked and shrugged.

Gaz blinked. "This is what you came here for, the ginger midget told me himself!" Actually, Keef hadn't said anything specific about what they wanted, just that Gaz had something of theirs. But, after a moment, she was still getting no responses. Seriously, what was _with _these people?! Irkens. Whatever.

Well, time to bluff.

Gaz strode past a few pirates, and eventually stood at starboard side. She held the coin over the sea by the chain. "I'll drop it."

The captain cocked a non-existent eyebrow. "Go ahead and waste your money. That's what it is, you know. I don't know why you'd drop it, but feel free, it's not my problem." Her mannerisms changed, however, when Gaz released a few links of the chain, making it appear as though she really were dropping it. She twitched, her hand jerking out, as though attempting to catch the coin before it fell. A look of understanding passed across Gaz's face, and she dropped the coin into her other hand instead of the ocean.

"So this is worth something. I knew it."

The captain glared, a snarl escaping the slit of her mouth. "You got a name, girl?"

"Gazlene…" She groped around in her mind for a fake last name. "…Nameless. I'm a maid in the governor's household." Hey, it was almost the truth, wasn't it? She and Dib were practically siblings. So, it was only fair that she borrow his last name in exchange for the hospitality and, er…family-ness (That wasn't love, of course. Not like she'd love anyone. As if. Really. Move on. Seriously, she couldn't, it just wouldn't work. OK, stop reading this!) she'd offered him over the years.

"I see. Nice to meet you, Miss Nameless." The captain seemed to ponder something for a moment. "And how did you come by that necklace? Family heirloom, perhaps?" Purple eyes gleamed, an unnatural flash of light illuminating them like a spark, traveling from one eye to the other. Some sort of hypnosis, Gaz supposed. Not that she'd fall for it. Stupid pirates. And…and…eh…stuff. If she'd had a drink in hand (which she was unlucky enough to not have be the case. Is that proper grammar? Screw grammar. It wasn't listening to her.), she would have splashed it on the captain's pondering face.

"I didn't _steal _it. Don't even _think _of _implying_ that." Well…OK, so she had _sort of _stolen it. But it was only a little steal, and it was sort of by accident! And she'd been eight. Plus, she had totally forgotten about it. That made it only a sort-of steal, right?

The captain seemed to have accepted this, and grinned to herself. She then returned her gaze to Gaz. "Alright, Miss Nameless. Give me the necklace, and we'll turn this ship around, and never return."

Gaz glared, then, stiffly, held the necklace out by the chain. The captain snatched it from her and held it up to her shoulder, where a cat (that looked like it had just crawled out of the deepest depths of uncanny valley) sniffed it, then grasped it in it's teeth and shot off through the sails and away from sight. While Gaz watched the cat, dumbfounded for a moment, the captain turned back to the bow. Gaz collected her wits and ran after her. "Hey! You! Take me back to the shore! A bargain is a bargain, and the pirate's code clearly states that-"

The captain turned on her heel suddenly, stopping any of Gaz's protests short. "_Firstly_, I agreed to return to the ocean, but taking you home was never in the bargain, and _secondly,_ the pirate's code is more like a set of guidelines than actual _rules._" The creature dropped her voice to a low snarl. "Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Nameless! My name is Captain Tak. It's a pleasure."

~!~

**Ha! Bet you guys didn't see THAT coming!**

**Or, y'know, maybe you did. I dunno.**

**Well, there's certainly a lot of stuff going on here! And look, two updates in one day, both of them at least six pages long! That's a word count of OVER NINETHOUSAND! (What, nine thousand? There's no way that can be right!)**

**So yeah. Read and Review, Kthx.**

**Normally I'd say something witty here, but it's one in the morning right now and I have a hot date with my pillow that I can't miss. JUST READ THE CHAPTER AND SHOWER ME IN PRAISE! YAY.**

_**INVADER ZIM DOESN'T BELONG TO ME. IF IT DID, I WOULDN'T BE WRITING TERRIBAD FANFICTION TO MAKE UP FOR IT.**_


	5. YOU'RE the only one who can help!

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 5

Dib wasn't really sure of what had just happened, just that his head really hurt. Hey, maybe opening his eyes would help. He tried it. In front of him was blue, with random dots of white here and there.

That was the sky, wasn't it?

That meant he was on his back, didn't it?

That also meant he was outside, didn't it?

Dib groaned in pain and forced himself into a sitting position. Why was he lying on the ground, in the street, with chickens pecking at him? Think…

Oh, shit!

Dib jumped to his feet, the pain in his oversized head long forgotten as he ran towards…well, he wasn't sure where it was he was going, exactly, but he had a few choice words for commodore Iggins. Everything had come back to him, painfully quickly. The pirates had taken Gaz God-knows-where, and Iggins hadn't been there, had done nothing to stop it. If he wanted to be Gaz's husband, he had a few things to say for himself about his terrible behavior.

…Wait, was he really thinking about this?

Iggins and his crew were gathered around some sort of table outside, eating toast and pointing vaguely at a map. It was too easy, really, to run forward and push two guards out of the way to get to Iggins. "They took Gaz!"

"No, really?" Iggins didn't even glance up. "Please return to your shop where you will not bother us, Mr. Nameless. We will _probably_ have your friend back in…a week. Until then, we can, and will, do nothing."

Dib was not in a mood to be fucked with, however. "I don't care _who _you think you are, but if you're going to treat Gaz like she's just some sort of inanimate prize that you can just…win or something, then I'll find her myself."

"And how are you gonna do that, punk?"

Dib turned around to find none other than Torque Smacky, foot soldier extraordinaire, glaring down at him. The guard smirked, and took another bite of supertoast. Dib covered his face to protect himself from the punch that, more likely than not, was coming, but all he felt was someone picking him up by his hair and carrying him away. He spread his hands and peered through the cracks in his fingers. He wasn't sure why Torque was carrying him, but, hey, at least he wasn't punching him. That tiny happiness was short-lived as he was thrown to the cobbles, and Torque returned to the group, laughing and pushing his normal companion, Melvin (or…whatever his name was. Dib didn't really care.) over to the same place, to 'talk' to Dib.

The small guard scratched his head. "Hey, um, if you want to go find that Gaz girl, um…well, that Zim guy talked about the Black Pearl. I bet you could…um…get some information or something from him." And with that, he scurried back to go try and be cool for his fellow guards while Dib attempted to gather the information he'd just been fed.

~!~

Zim had been attempting to pick the lock when he heard the footsteps.

Without a second thought, he removed the pieces of shattered bone from the lock and threw himself backward into a pile of hay, pretending he hadn't been doing something so simple to escape. If anyone had seen the almighty Zim fall to lockpicking…well, things could get embarrassing.

Dib stared down at the thing lying on the hay. He shook off any worried thoughts about how _maybe _this guy was slightly insane, and took a few steps forward, his hands lacing into the bars. "Hey! You!"

Zim sat up immediately. "ZIM is no 'you'! He is ZIM! You will address him by his proper name!" He was on his feet and glaring at the big-headed hyuman, fists at his sides, before his glare turned into a curious stare, then into another glare. "You! You are the big-headed sword hyuman! You are the reason the almighty ZIM is in jail! What is this?!"

Dib glared back. "My head's not big! And for your information, I have a name too! Well, sort of." His gaze dropped down and to the side, then returned to Zim. "But that's not the point! I heard that you know about the Black Pearl. Is it true, or isn't it?"

"Ha! Zim knows of EVERYTHING! For he is ZIM!" Zim took a moment to punch both fists into the air, a pose awesome enough for his awesome self to stand in. Because he was ZIM!

Dib gave Zim a blank look. "Uh, yeah. I got that part." His demeanor changed again. "So? Can you help me?"

Zim snorted. "Ha! And why would Zim help YOU, pitiful dirt-muncher?"

"I can get you out of this cell. It would be easy."

"Please. Zim could get HIMSELF out of these cells! He just…hasn't…wanted to. Yet."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Listen, you've got thirty minutes until you hit the gallows. I'll help you if you'll help me find the Black Pearl."

Zim gave Dib an ever-so-slightly-curious look. "And…why would you wish to find the Black Pearl?"

Dib grit his teeth. "They took my friend with them."

Zim rolled his eyes and sighed. "Oh, of course. You hyumans, always getting all attached to one another." He cocked a non-existent eyebrow (for, of course, the amazing ZIM was too good for eyebrows!). "What's your name, big-head?"

"My head's not big! Why do you keep saying that?" Dib sighed, attempting to collect his wits. "I'm Dib. Dib Nameless."

This was something Zim seemed to take unnatural interest in. "Nameless? As in, your last name is 'Nameless', or you lack a last name?"

"It…I didn't have a last name, so that's the one they gave to me. Nothing else to it." Dib's name wasn't a comfortable topic for Dib.

Zim thought for a moment.

And thought.

And thought.

And thought.

And then, he had it!

"Dib…isn't that synonymous with Seine?"

Dib cocked an eyebrow. "Seine?"

Zim shook his head. "Nothing, nothing. Well, Dib-hyuman, I've changed my AMAZING mind. If you _can _get me out of this cell, which Zim _doubts,_ on account of your _inferior hyuman intelligence_, then Zim will lead you to the Pearl." He smirked, and extended a clawed hand through the bars of the cell. "Deal?"

Dib looked at the claws, with no enthusiasm to touch them. However, he took the smaller hand in his (noticing that there were only three claws, something that rather unnerved him) and shook it. "Deal."

"OK, enough talk. Get ZIM out of this cell!" Zim stood back and crossed his arms, tapping his foot expectantly.

Dib smiled. All right! Finally, he was doing something he knew he could do! He took a look at the bars. Low quality. They were all connected, meaning that, with the correct application of strength, they would come loose in one piece. He glanced around the room. Not that…not that…no way…well, _that _could work.

Dib picked up the wooden board, and took a stool for guards to sit on. He made a simplistic lever, propping the board under the bars and over the stool. And then, for lack of a better term, he applied pressure to the side that was in the air. Muscles strained. Zim watched with interest. Four seconds…five…six…

And the bars lifted free, with a violently loud bang. Zim just watched it happen, feeling the artificial wind from the fall blow his hat nearly off. He glared at nothing in particular and readjusted the hat. "Alright, pig-smelly, let's go." Zim pushed his way past Dib, who quickly fell into line.

~!~

"Which boat are we going to take?" Dib whispered from behind Zim, pointing vaguely at one of the ships. "That one?"

Zim jumped. In all honesty, he'd forgotten the worm-baby was with him. That wasn't because the pig-smelly was, er…stealthy, or anything. No, his…eh…presence! Yes, his presence was just too small in comparison to that of ZIM! Yes, that was it. Eheh. Yeah… "Pitiful Dib-hyuman! We will be commandeering _that _one. Use your stink-brain every once in a while."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Whatever." His eyes settled on Zim. "I'll be following your example, Zim. So don't screw up, OK? My friend's life may be at stake here, as well as mine for springing you out of jail."

Zim blew his cheeks out in Dib's face, making the young man wince. "Ha! Fear not, foolish worm-baby. There will be no mistakes as long as you are with Zim. For Zim makes NO mistakes!" With that, the two of them simultaneously returned their gaze to the shipyard. Zim's normally flamboyant voice dropped about two octaves. "Follow Zim's lead."

Which Dib did.

There is little that looks sillier than a canoe sprouting a pair of legs and hurrying into the ocean, especially if you are inside it. Every now and then, as Dib hauled the boat along the sea floor, he'd glance up to make sure Zim was still alive. The Irken was clinging to what was normally the bottom of the boat, water only inches away from him, with only Dib's large head between him and it. "You alright up there?"

"Yes. Of course. Zim is…Zim is fine. No worries. Ha!" The normal enthusiasm in Zim's voice was gone. The sudden change, just from the close proximity of the water, made Dib laugh mentally. He'd have to make a note of that.

~!~

"OK…now."

Zim and Dib simultaneously popped up from the back of the boat, Zim flailing his PAK legs for effect, a sword gripped in the hands of both individuals. "Stay calm, pitiful hyuman meat-sacks! Zim and the Dib-hyuman are taking over this ship!"

There was no room for argument on the part of the crew. They immediately hopped to the spare boats, rowing out. Dib stood in stupefaction as Zim had, with little to no effort, caused every man on the boat to leave. Only when Zim called to him did he shake himself out of the trance and help with steering the ship, something he knew nothing of, and required explanations to.

~!~

Iggins was lazing about while his men stood around a map impressively when he heard the shout. He pulled a pocket telescope from the nearby pack and stared out to sea with it. "Is that Captain Zim? And Mr. Nameless?" He grumbled. "Ugh, this means I have to do work, doesn't it? OK, everybody, we're gonna arrest some guys. Everybody to the Interceptor."

In no time at all, Iggins' crew had steered the Interceptor up by the boat that was under the control of Zim and Dib. "Everyone, take a look. They're hiding here somewhere." Even Iggins boarded the other vessel, leaving the Interceptor completely free of hands, and far easier to steal because of it. Not a single man noticed when the two now-criminals swung over their heads and onto the Interceptor, the very ship they had so feverishly protected not so long ago. The ship was already sailing by the time anyone realized that the anchor was up, and they had just been sitting ducks.

"Back to the Interceptor! Now!"

One man followed Iggins' orders and threw himself into the sea accordingly. No one else tried. Iggins, exasperated, pulled his pocket telescope from his pocket and stared after the two who had just made away with the Caribbean's prize ship. He saw Dib, waving politely, and Zim, pointing and cackling. When the Irken had calmed down some, he shouted back to Iggins. "Ha! Pi-ti-ful hyuuumaaan! As you can plainly see, you are no match for ZIM! Wallow in your despair and my glory, commodore! GO! WALLOW! Ha!" And with that, the Interceptor was gone, leaving Iggins slack-jawed, staring at the retreating rudder like a child who's mother has just abandoned them.

~!~

"Alright, hyuman, it should be easy sailing from now on. You've done well for a member of an inferior species." Zim stared out over the horizon, and Dib did have to (grudgingly) admit that he looked almost as majestic as he thought he was. But Dib was less than ready to let that push him from his path. He had a few questions for the Irken.

"Zim."

"What?" Zim was understandably irritated. He'd just taught about seven full lessons to a pitiful hyuman, and the creature was beginning to get on his nerves.

Zim's attitude couldn't sway Dib. "Zim, when we first met, you asked if my name meant the same thing as Seine. I didn't question it then, but Seine was my father's name." His eyes narrowed. "You knew my father, didn't you, Zim?"

"Which one?" Zim asked it as nonchalantly as if he were commenting on the weather. "I knew most of them, yes."

Dib stared at Zim, then regained his composure. "Look, Zim, I'm not sure what it's like for Irkens, but in _my _species, when a male and a female love each other very much, they make children by-"

"As if Zim didn't know how hyuman meat-filths reproduced!" The Irken snapped, a dusting of purple on his face. Dib realized, with some amusement, that it was a blush. "But if you are who Zim thinks you are, and _you are, _because Zim is ALWAYS right, then you are not a normal stink-beast." Zim turned back to the steering wheel, quite clear on that being the end of it.

But it wasn't the end of it. Not until Dib said so. "What do you mean, I'm not normal? I had a father, who worked for a trading company, and a mother, who made clothes. There's very little that's abnormal about _that._"

Zim sighed. "You're not going to let up until I tell you everything, are you?"

"No."

Zim contemplated what would happen if he told the stink-beast. On the one claw, if he told, the worm-baby might go into some sort of weird depression, as many hyumans did. On the other, if he didn't, the boy would chew him to pieces trying to get the answer. It was a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' kind of situation. Normally, Zim would think his way out of it, but he didn't feel it was important right then. He turned to the Dib-beast, who was waiting expectantly.

"You're not a hyuman."

Dib blinked.

"Well, you _are. _You're just not a _normal _one. You are one of two genetically engineered humanoid life-forms, or G.E.H.L. A group of dedicated scientists, both Irken and hyuman meat-filth, decided to create life.

"DNA was required for it, obviously. Every male scientist gave DNA to you, and every female to your partner. The two of the largest donations, obviously, shaped you to be what you are. Your biggest contributor was the scientist who eventually took you in and raised you as his 'son' when the experiment was a success. 'Mr. Bill', was his nickname, but, as you clearly know very well, his real name was Seine. A false memory was implanted in that oversized head of yours, the one you recall. Did it ever occur to you that not having a last name was a little…strange?

"Anyway, when you were fully formed, Seine gave you the name 'Dib', which we all thought was rather clever, and raised you with one of the female scientists, the two posing as 'parents' for you, bringing you up as a normal hyuman stink-worm. Your second-largest contributor took in the female G.E.H.L., but none of the female scientists were happy to volunteer. Back to you, then.

"Seine was a pirate under my command at one point, not to mention the fact that I helped create you. It's amusing to see you all grown up, and you're certainly less hideous than you were as an embryo, though not by much."

There was a long pause. Finally, Dib said, "Very funny, Zim. You must have been preparing that story for _ages,_ just _waiting _for someone to ask you about their parents. It was pretty well put together, too. Now tell me who my dad really was."

Zim stared at Dib. Finally, he hissed, "That _was _the truth, Dib-stink! If you can't accept the fact that you're not a normal meat-filth, fine, it's nothing to do with me. But don't you _dare _call the amazing ZIM a liar! I would not sink to such a depth." He spun on his heel, positively simmering with the rage from being treated like a liar. One might think he didn't hear Dib slowly drawing a sword.

"I'm. Not. A. Child, Zim. Now, tell me who my father _really _was, or I'll ram this straight through your back-thing."

Zim rolled his eyes, then turned the steering wheel. Very quickly.

Dib wasn't expecting the large wooden pole to come at him at the middle, and he certainly wasn't prepared for it to pick him up and dangle him over the sharp waves of the ocean. He kicked his feet, trying to find purchase on a ground that wasn't there.

Shit!

He couldn't swim – even a lot of the members of the navy couldn't, and they spent time in the ocean, what was the likelihood of _him _knowing how?

Was Zim trying to _kill _him?

Dib wouldn't put that below the Irken. He knew, better than anyone, that the creature was sadistic beyond words, wasting his time and feeding him those lies.

Zim, back in control, picked up the sword Dib had dropped, mentally chastising himself for getting angry at such a stupid worm-baby. The amazing ZIM, loosing his temper? Uncharacteristically stupid. Ah, well. He'd show the pig-smelly. He'd show him! Show him…eh…something. Eh…and he was ZIM!

"Now, while you're just hanging there, Dib-stink, I want you to listen to Zim very, very, very, very, very, very, _very _carefully." Zim took a few steps forward. "In this world, there are only two categories into which actions are separated. What a creature can do, and what a creature _can't _do. You either _can _admit to yourself that you are a G.E.H.L., or you can't. Either way, Zim doesn't care, just so long as you continue to be obedient. And this applies to everything. For example, Zim could let you drown!" Zim motioned to Dib with both claws, the young man none-too-pleased by this. Not like Zim cared. Foolish hyuman meat-stink. "But Zim _can't _sail this boat into Tortuga all by himself."

With that and a flick of the wrist, Zim spun the steering wheel back the other way, and Dib let go of the pole as though it would save his life, which, hey, it probably would. His landing was far from graceful, as his heel slipped and he fell on his back, his head hitting the hard wood, making him squint in pain. Above him, he was aware of Zim leaning over him, even extending a hand to help him up.

"Can you sail under ZIM, full knowing that he is an Irken, and an amazing one at that?"

Dib looked into serious magenta eyes for a moment. Finally, his decision made, he took Zim's hand. "Tortuga."

And for once, that zipper-grin actually looked friendly.

~!~

**Hey, everyone! It's Chokopoppo, yet again! Yes, I'm sure that, by now, you dread these author's notes. You're all like, 'Oh, no, it's Chokopoppo, let's blow this joint'. But I have some fun news!**

**First of all, I want to give a big thanks to both InvaderJohnny and Zim'sMostLoyalServant for their amazing review dedication! You two, you're both getting my immense gratitude and a cookie* each!**

**Secondly, I'm thanking all my readers who had to sit through Zim being totally OOC while informing Dib of his past. I really don't like the way that's written, but despite my countless revisions, it still seems terrible, so I'm not going to screw it up even more. For those science-y type guys among you out there, you'll understand that I really bullshitted a lot of it. The rest is canon. I'm not kidding.**

**Until next chapter, daaaaarrrlinhhhkz.**

_**INVADER ZIM DOESN'T BELONG TO ME.**_

**(*Note: Cookies are probably a lie.)**


	6. Tortuga!

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 6

Bright lights.

That was the first thing Dib noticed about the city. It wasn't like Port Royale at all, which had oil lamps at best. No, this was a city with all levels of technology, and the lights made it seem like daytime on the streets. It was all very unnerving for him, because when he looked up, he could still see the velvety dark blue of the night sky, but the stars were gone, as if the light had turned them off.

Zim, however, was perfectly fine with it, not even noticing Dib's nervousness. After all, why should he care about the stink-beast? He was ZIM! He need not be bothered with such stupidity!

However, he felt that, as he was technically one of Dib's fathers, he should inform the dirt-child. Yes! Seeing as the dirt-child DID come from Zim and whatnot, and nothing that came from Zim could be bad! This child was only a stink-beast because OTHERS had tainted Zim's _amazingness _with their…heads of…corn. Yes. Eh…And he was ZIM!

"So! You now understand the true amazingness of Tortuga, yes?" Zim spread his arms out, indicating the entirety of the city. "This is a true haven, that even stink-beasts such as yourself can hardly taint! Now, if every city were like this, there would be no mistreatment, and no one, Irken, Vortian, Hyuman-meat-sack, and other assorted creatures, would feel unwanted. Ha!"

It was at that very moment that another human, of all things, which Dib cocked his eyebrow at, walked up to Zim. She was kinda pretty, he admitted, with shoulder-length blond hair and a petite figure, standing at about Zim's height(which Dib towered over).

"Zim." Her voice was snappy and cross.

Zim turned to face her, an almost-smile washed together with some sort of panic, which Dib assumed was some sort of anxiety about being around females. "Anna meat-stink! So good to-"

Her hand was brought straight across Zim's face, fingernails actually slashing tiny cuts into his skin. She narrowed an amber eye, then turned on her heel and strode away.

Zim was stuck in place for a moment, his hand going to his cheek, before his eyes narrowed, he straightened up, and yelled after the girl, shaking his fist. "How dare you strike the almighty ZIM! I will skin you alive and chew upon your bones of hyuman meaty-filth! Uh…I mean…chew the meaty-filth OFF your bones! Your FILTHY HYUMAN BONES! And I will-"

Zim was, once again, interrupted, by yet another girl, this one an alien. "Zim."

Zim turned to face the girl(?) and smiled again. "Zeff!"

The alien jabbed one of her thumbs towards the other retreating girl. "And who was she?"

"Eh?"

Another slap. Another retreating girl. And Zim was just as shellshocked as before. Finally, he struggled out, "…Zim may have deserved that one."

~!~

Dib hadn't really expected the reaction Zim got out of the bodies laying on the floor. He knew that the water in the bucket he'd handed Zim would hurt the two, from what he knew from Zim, but the explosive reaction was shocking and slightly guilt-wracking.

Upon the splash of water on flesh, there was the sound of shrieking from the first victim. Red eyes opened, mouth opened wider than Dib could imagine, with a segmented tongue sticking out. The scream itself was the kind you imagine hydras and such would have, like eight voices all in different octaves hissing out that YES, that DID hurt, you motherfucker. The Irken reached out its arms, trying to grasp some leverage, before it rolled over and clawed at its face and torso, as if it were trying to scratch the acid from it's jade skin.

While Dib stood, completely blown away, especially by the steam billowing off the creature, Zim hurriedly tossed the remaining water in the bucket on the purple-garbed Irken, getting a similar response, which the AMAZING ZIM rather liked. It was ABOUT TIME his two comrades admitted that they were INFERIOR to his AMAZINGNESS! Which, for some reason, they had denied to see. But now they HAD to see it! Because they…were…in pain. From him. And, eh…and he was ZIM!  
The first sentence that Red formed, however, was very far from the respect that ZIM truly deserved. "WHAT THE HELL? Zim, you could have fucking KILLED ME! Do you have ANY FUCKING IDEA how much that hurt?"

"Yeah!" Purple was more than ready to back up his fellow…Irken who he spent all his time with. "I'm in severe pain right now!"

"He's in severe pain right now, _Zim_." Red snapped.

Zim nodded sympathetically. "I know you are. I know you are." He brightened up, head rising. "But I have good news! Actually, a job proposition."

Red was about to snap at Zim again, but realized that, hey, he really DIDN'T have a job. Neither he nor Purple did, and any job, even one that required working under Zim(ugh), was a job worth having. He looked at Purple, to see his constant companion with a face similar to his own. The two turned back to Zim. Red sighed. "OK, Zim, let's hear this. And it better be good."

~!~

"Alright, Dib-meat-worm, go stand over there. Get yourself a 'broad', or whatever you stink-beasts call them. And don't come near Zim or his companions until Zim says you can." Zim pointed vaguely towards a room full of people for Dib to go to. As he watched the irritated pig-worm slink off, he smirked, then turned towards Red and Purple.

"OK, Zim, let's hear this proposition. And be fast, would you?" Red took a sip of his Irk-drink.

Zim glanced over to make sure the Dib-stink was far enough away to not hear, then leaned forward towards his two companions. "Zim is going to get the Pearl back."

Red spit his drink out. Coughed it out, actually, but those details don't matter.

When he'd finally regained his breath, Red stared at Zim. "Zim, I always knew you were out of your mind, but I had no idea you'd gone QUITE this far off the edge."

At this point, Purple joined in. "Yeah, why would Tak give you her ship?"

Zim sighed. "Learn to trust Zim, for he has a plan! It's a matter of…leverage." He nodded his head towards the Dib-stink, who seemed to have decided not to go and dance among the other aliens and, instead, was leaning up against a pole. Even the amazing Zim didn't notice the fact that the Dib-thing was pricking up his ears and leaning slightly to hear.

Purple stared at Dib, one eyelid raised, before turning to Zim. "A…human-thing-whatever-they're-called?" Red, too, looked confused at Zim's reasoning.

Zim nodded, smirking. "That is the male G.E.H.L. of the Universe-wide Research and Experimental Labs. The ONLY male. The only creature with Mr. Bill's blood marching through his veins like a fleet of marching things that march. You don't think Zim is 'far off the edge' now, do you? Ha!"

Red blinked, his eyes growing larger every time they opened anew. Purple took it upon himself to speak up for his suddenly-mute partner, who was now looking between Zim and Dib, as though moving his head back and forth sporadically would help his comprehension. "Zim…Red and I now see your potential. We'll gather up a crew. You ARE off the edge, but I'll bet anything there are a few more around here who're crazy as you!" Purple laughed, and Red, head slightly clearer, started laughing too. It was contagious, sending Zim into his own brand of cackles, and the three of them, in unison, raised their glasses to Zim's inanity, and drank.

~!~

**Hey, it's me agaiiiin~**

**I'm back from my…what, three week hiatus? Yeah, life got pretty crazy. Three weeks! Whoo! And I'm STILL failing the class I was trying to catch up in! Man, my life. So crazy, it is. I was going to combine this chapter and chapter 7, but it would have taken too much time, so I was like, 'what the hell' and just updated this one instead.**

**So anyway…yay! I've made a resolution to get back to regular updating on this fanfic. That means MULTIPLE CHAPTERS! EVERY WEEK! Aw, man, it's gonna be crazy! Only, maybe not next week, 'cos I'll be studying for the end-of-the-semester math test. OHGODWHATIFIFAILMATH-**

**Anyway! Moving right along…**

**Love it or hate it, I'll never know lest you press that be-YOO-ti-ful button at the bottom of this page!**

**Next update by Wednesday.**

_**Invader Zim doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Nickelodeon (THE BASTARDS), and the idea to J.V. THIS MAKES ME SAD. SO VERY SAD.**_


	7. Cursed men

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 7

Gaz was sulking in the room provided for her when she heard the knock. She contemplated not opening the door, but when the knocking got louder, she growled, got up, and went to see who DARED bother her. She might have been a prisoner, but she was still the governor's daughter, and-

Oh, look, it was that weird robot thing.

Gaz raised an eyebrow but didn't open her closed eyes any wider than they normally were. "OK, get it over with. What do you want NOW?"

GIR held the box it was balancing on its head out to her. "The captain requires you wear this dress when you dine with her tonight."

Gaz took the box and removed the lid. She almost smirked to herself, seeing that it was, in fact, a nice purple color. Shame she had to receive it from that jerkface of a captain. She reluctantly closed the box and handed it back to GIR. "Tell the captain that I am disinclined to accept his request." She looked at the little robot, condescension on every aspect of her face. "That means 'no'."

Much to her surprise, however, the robot began to chuckle. "The captain told me you'd say that. In that case, you'll be dining with the rest of the crew." Its eyes flashed red, narrowing, while its grin spread. "And you'll be _naked._"

Gaz snatched the dress back.

~!~

Dinner was awkward. At first, Gaz thought it was just her imagination, but she began to realize just how right she was:

The captain was eating nothing.

Sure, the female Irken had cut up her meat and rolled around the vegetables and such on her plate, but not a bite went into that sharp-toothed mouth. She was simply moving the food around like a child trying to pretend to their mother that they WERE eating the gross spinach, really, you could see how little there was left, and that wasn't exactly how much there was before, really. Rather than eat anything, Tak was just fixing those dark, pupil-less eyes on her, and that was really beginning to make her skin crawl.

So she brought it up.

"You haven't eaten anything." Gaz set her silverware down on her plate and stared at her companion. "The food is delicious, so it's not that you don't WANT to eat…" Her eyes opened for the first time on that voyage, just a crack. "It's poisoned…isn't it?" Her incredulous stare turned into a glare meant to freeze the center of the sun. "You've been sitting here, watching me eat poisoned food? I have to hand it to you, you're a good liar."

The captain seemed vaguely surprised, but let that ebb away. She held a hand out to the cat-thing, which (as if on cue) dropped the necklace into her waiting claw. She held it up to the light, as though admiring its 'beauty'.

After a few moments, the purple eyes returned to Gaz. "You don't know what this is…do you?" A shake of the head. "Vortian gold."

Tak stood, striding around in a circle, around the table over to Gaz, speaking as she moved. "You seem a highly educated lady, Miss Nameless, so I have no doubt that you've heard of Neria. Am I correct?"

Gaz cocked an eyebrow. "The island that cannot be found by anyone except for those who already know where it is? It's a fairy-tale world. Like in Peter Pan, or some such. Sailor nonsense. Except…" She stopped. "…Irkens are sailor nonsense too. So if you exist…"

Tak nodded, finally stopping a few feet away from Gaz's chair. "Neria exists, too. I've been there. Upon it lies the tomb of the king Card Nar, the Vortian so greedy that he kept an entire island of treasure all for himself when he died. And above his body…" She held the necklace up to the light again, gazing at it, mesmerized. Gaz found herself drawn into the sight as well. "…Eight hundred and thirty two identical pieces."

The Irken returned her gaze to Gaz, who once again found herself in an uncomfortable situation. "But the god Trisickx placed upon the gold a terrible curse. These pieces of gold would curse the thief with an unquenchable greed." Tak blinked, then seemed to shake herself out of her story-telling stupor.

Gaz snorted. "_Captain _Tak, I am twenty years old, and thus, far too old to believe in ghost stories anymore."

Gaz wasn't any more used to the harsh, high-pitched, rasping laugh as she had been the first time she'd heard it. Tak shook her head and snorted, trying to recuperate. "I apologize for my rudeness, but…well, that's EXACTLY what I thought when my friend told me about the gold. I thought, 'Well, it's all very well for _humans_ to be so superstitious, but I'm a hundred and seventy, and I know far better than they'." She gave another laugh, and Gaz almost joined in, but was still somewhat shocked at discovering Tak's age.

She watched the Irken's face harden up again. "I was a fool." Tak shook her head. "I searched for years, and finally had the privilege to FIND Nerina. I led my crew onto land, and we opened the old man's casket, and there was the gold. And us, the damn, blind fools we were…we _took_ it all." She made a snatching motion with her claws on the word 'took'. "We took EVERYTHING on that damned island, everything our boat could carry. And we spend it all, all over the world, on food, and drink…" the claws rested upon Gaz's shoulder, and she jumped despite herself as Tak leaned in, smiling at her with that grin of daggers. Almost _suggestively_. "…And pleasurable company."

Gaz tried to shy away from the Irken, but it was unneeded. Tak seemed to have only been fooling with her head, or maybe trying to go along with the storytelling. Whatever it was, it was enough for her to HATE this woman. Irken. Whatever. To hate her with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns.

Tak ignored her. "It didn't take long, though. We realized something. We could drink and drink, yet couldn't quench our thirst. Food turned to earth-dirt in our mouths." The purple eyes flitted onto Gaz again. "And all the pleasurable company in the WORLD couldn't sate our…need."

Gaz looked away, uncomfortable with the way Tak was staring at her. "So? If you're already cursed, then what difference does the medallion make?" She hadn't expected Tak's reaction. She'd thought the woman would laugh it off as always.

Not so.

Tak snarled, and, out of the blue, grabbed a side table and flipped it over, letting it slam down on it's side with a crash loud enough to hurt Gaz's ears. She turned and hissed. "There was ONE way to break the curse, Miss Gazlene! ONE! If we were to return the gold and the blood of the takers, the curse would be lifted! We gathered EVERY. PIECE. Every last one! Save for the one YOU kept for TEN YEARS, rendering us unable-" Tak slammed her hand down on the table and slashed it across, knocking over plates of food and creating a tremendous racket, which the Irken only shouted over, not letting it hinder her at all. "-to quench our thirst or hunger or need! YOU, and your damned father!"

The silence that followed this lecture was stunning, more of a slap to the face than anything the captain could have said. Gaz slowly raised her head from her hands where she'd been hiding her face. She saw the Irken's back turned to her.

She saw her chance.

Gaz picked up the nearest knife and rammed it into the metal lump on the captain's back. She hadn't expected the Irken to turn around, stare at her, and then sigh and shake her head.

Gaz ran.

She didn't know where she was going, but she knew better than to stay with the captain. The Irken was stark-raving mad, and the whole 'throwing tables and chairs over' didn't really help her case.

Had she expected what she'd see on deck, she wouldn't have thought of Tak as such.

In an attempt to escape the captain, she'd run on deck with no real direction, just to get away from the madwoman who seemed incapable of death. But the sights on the deck made her open her eyes all the way, for the first time in years.

Skeletons, broken robots, dead Irkens.

Walking around as if there was nothing wrong.

Gaz turned, panicked, only to bump into Tak, who was taking steps into the moonlight. Before Gaz's eyes, her skin melted away, leaving only an exoskeleton, her antennae seemed to tear down to stubs, and her eyes, which Gaz now realized were multifaceted, split into every smaller screen, thousands of waving tendrils coming from the eye socket. "Time to start believing in ghost stories, Miss Nameless." Tak snatched a bottle of brandy from a nearby skeleton. "You're in one!"

Tak grinned, and Gaz pushed past the captain and ran, unaware that Tak wasn't following her, not knowing, not caring, just wanting to get away from the horrible sights she'd seen. She didn't even have time to mentally complain about too many 'S's.

Tak and the rest of the crew watched Gaz run, and the captain began to laugh. The rest of the crew, following suit, did too, but stopped abruptly when Tak threw the bottle of brandy to the ground. "What do you think you're all doing? Get back to work!"

~!~

"Well, Zim, this is it!" Red spread his arms out, indicating the rather short line of people.

Purple did the same, but from the other side. "The pick of the litter, all for you!"

Zim's eyes scanned the line, and, seeming unsatisfied, turned to Red. "Introduce them to me! Or, at least, show Zim who they are and what they can do!"

Red seemed prepared for this, and instantly began showing off his superior knowledge. "Over here we have Spleenk,"

"Hey!" The alien waved two of its six arms.

"Shloontapooxis,"

"Hiya!" The snow-cone/fountain-drink alien stuck it's tongue out, apparently unable to wave its nonexistent arms.

"And Lard Nar." Red seemed particularly proud of the short Vortian. "He's the descendant of king Card Nar himself." Lard Nar nodded curtly.

"This here is Skoodge. He doesn't look like much, but watch this." Red turned to the short Irken. "SOLDIER! Salute your standing officer!"

Skoodge immediately fell to attention, a claw shooting to his forehead as he snapped into position. "Sir!" His claw went from his head to his side an instant after he had said the word. Dib couldn't help but let out a whistle of admiration. Zim had seen better, of course. From HIMSELF! Because he was ZIM! But he could see that this Skoodge would be a valuable asset on the voyage.

"What's in this expedition for us, huh?"

Zim turned to look towards the end of the line, where the voice had come from. He strode over, slowing down, then finally stopping by another Irken, who seemed to have their hat over their face. He lifted the brim, then pulled the hat off, revealing a female Irken with round red eyes, but no other distinguishing features. He smiled. "Tenn."

Zim actually seemed to anticipate the slap that was delivered across his face. Dib rolled his eyes.

"Didn't deserve that either, _Zim_?"

Zim shook his head. "Nnno. Zim deserved that one."

Tenn nodded. "You stole. My. Boat!"

"Actually-" Zim turned his head back to face Tenn, only to receive yet another strike to the face. "I _borrowed _it. Without permission. And _every_ intention of bringing it back-"

"But you DIDN'T, did you Zim?"

Zim seemed to be panicking. "You…eh…you'll…you'll get another one!"

Dib, understanding that not helping would mean they probably wouldn't find Gaz, decided to jump in. "You'll get a BETTER one."

Zim looked back at him, perplexed for a moment before it seemed to dawn on him, and he turned back to Tenn and smiled nervously. "Aye, a BETTER one!"

Dib, seeing that Tenn was still unconvinced, glanced around, then pointed at the Interceptor. "You'll get THAT one."

Zim looked where Dib was pointing. "THAT one? But Zim is…" He trailed off and glanced at Tenn, who was looking at the ship and apparently liking what she saw. He turned back to her. "Aye. THAT one. When we're done with it, it's all yours."

Tenn nodded. Apparently she was ready to accept this proposal.

Dib took the lead and looked down the line. "Do we have an accord?"

There was a deafening roar of approval, and the crew headed off to board the Interceptor. Red seemed none too happy with Tenn being there. "Zim! It's a CHICK! It'll be bad luck, and don't call me a hypocrite, 'cos Purple invited her!"

Zim raised a nonexistent eyebrow (y'know, the one he was too good for? It's back with a passion). "I…didn't…say anything about it." He snapped himself into a much more commanding position. "It doesn't matter! Board the Interceptor! We've got the Pearl to catch!"

~!~

**Hey, it's Chokopoppo agaaain~**

**Wow, this chapter came out longer than I expected. I mean, it's not as long as chapter three, but it's still pretty long. Wait, was it chapter three? I don't like to dwell on such things. Anyway!**

**Finals are coming up (Ick), so I won't be able to post as frequently as I'd like. However, I'll still have the next chapter up by Saturday. Yay me!**

**One final note: So far, I've really enjoyed writing this fanfiction, and I'd like to do some other retellings with the I.Z. cast. I've decided to go by Disney's golden age, so if you have any suggestions, let me know! (Note: I've already decided to do Mulan. IT'S SET IN STONE. GRAHR.)**

**YOU READ AND REVIEW NOW PLZKTHXBAI.**

**D=**

_**INVADER ZIM DOESN'T BELONG TO ME, THOUGH I WISH IT DID. SAD FACE.**_


	8. The chapter where nothing happens

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 8

The spray from the sea quite literally bit into Zim's skin. He didn't notice, his eyes narrowed, his body already steaming and drenched. The boat was going head-on into the worst of the weather on the way to Neria, and every Irken on board the ship was going completely bat-shit insane trying to take the uncanny amount of seawater that was now starting to burn into their skin.

"Dammit, Zim! We have to lower the anchor and get below, half of us can't hold out!"

Zim didn't even look towards Red. "If I can hold any longer, than so can they! It is about time they begin aspiring to be like ZIM!"

Purple had to yell to be heard over the deafening roll of thunder. "Why are you so sure we're going to live, huh? Why are you so happy?"

"We're catching up."

~!~

"Hey, buddy, time to go~"

Gaz didn't look up. She was still recovering from the shock of the night previously, and looking at a face – especially one that, last she'd seen, was rotting away – wasn't going to help much. She didn't look at any of the pirates in the face, but she knew better than to let them think they'd broken her spirit. She COULD still fight back. She just…well, she wasn't stupid. She wasn't going to go running into a fight she knew she'd lose. Tak hadn't died when she'd been stabbed, something that Gaz could assume had something to do with the curse, meaning no one else in the crew could die either.

But she could.

That was why Gaz simply let everything happen around her. She allowed her hands to be chained together like some sort of criminal, she let the captain fasten the necklace around her neck, not even flinching when Tak blew in her ear to play yet another mind game with her (though goose bumps rose on the back of her neck), and she sat in dead silence as the row boat, piloted by the giant Irken, drew closer and closer to the cove of Neria.

She'd had no idea it would have been so big. How could something that couldn't be found be quite so large? Surely, someone had to have seen this. Hell, if someone had just taken the time to set it on the map, it wouldn't have been non-findable. So really, it was just a rumor.

…This HAD to be how sailor nonsense got started.

~!~

"I'm soaked."

"At least we're alive."

"I can't feel my fingers."

"At least we're alive."

"Are you really listening?"

"We're alive."

"Yes, Zim, I know that."

"Alive…"

"…" Red hung his head, then floated over to Purple, who was seated next to Dib. "Nope, he's still pretty much out. Didn't even tell me that he was Zim, which might actually be a big positive step in making him less annoying."

"Think we should take him to a medical bay or something? I mean, I know we don't have a doctor, unless one of you recruited one, but maybe we should have him lay down or something."

"Nah, Dib. If there's one thing Zim is good at, it's that he can take ANYTHING life throws at him. I mean, he's still alive after we sent him to go find a 'mysterious hidden island' that was actually a Vortian minefield, and he found it, and he lived. Hit every single mine, too. I don't think going through that storm is gonna do much to him."

"…OK. But…in pain, he still seems really fixated on catching the Pearl. Is that part of his endurance?" Dib removed the cap of his water 'bottle' and took a sip.

Red shook his head. "Nah, I think he just wants his ship back."

Dib spit the water he had in his mouth back out and coughed for a moment. "Woah woah woah back up. Did you just say that the Pearl is ZIM'S ship? Then what's all this nonsense about some Tak dude and…like…this cave and Gaz and stuff?"

Purple cocked an eye. "Didn't Zim tell you? Yeah, Tak basically stole it."

"Not quite, Purple. Now, Dib, what happened was that…well, way back when, Zim had the Pearl. And, as you probably have already heard, we're going to Neria. The only reason Zim can find Neria is because, when he HAD the Pearl, they searched and found it. Now, once they'd found Neria, Zim's first mate comes up and tells him that everything's equal share, so that's how it should be for the king's treasure."

Purple took up the place of Red. "Yeah, so Zim agrees, right? But clearly, that was a bad idea, 'cos that night, there was a mutiny. Not so good. But when a man is mutinied, he's given a gun with one shot. But you can't do much with one shot, can ya?"

Red shook his head and pointed a finger to his head, imitating a gun before lowering his hand. "That's the only thing you can do with it." He turned back to Dib. "But, you see, Zim is as crazy as you've seen, but underneath that, he's got a mind of steel."

"Wait, didn't him being mutinied cause his mind to steel?"

"Something like that. Whatever." Red turned back to Dib. "He decided he was going to use that one shot on his traitorous first mate instead."

"Tak." Dib was catching on. "So…that mind of metal…that wouldn't happen to have to do with the whole…" He did an imitation of Zim punching the air and yelling something. "…Would it?"

"Unfortunately? Yes." Red facepalmed.

"Apparently, if your ego is bigger than something very big, you can take anything that comes flying at you at top speed."

"Or maybe if you are ZIM, you can do anything! Which is good! Because I am ZIM!"

Dib, Red, and Purple jumped simultaneously. Zim, who was standing amongst them suddenly and without warning (which are kind of the same thing), didn't seem to notice.

"Red, Purple, if anything happens, stick to the code. Dib-beast! Come with Zim! We're going ashore."

~!~

"So, Zim, um…"

Zim didn't hide his exasperation. "_Yes_, Dib-stink?"

"What's the…code?"

Zim rolled his eyes. Clearly, the Dib-thing was a true simpleton. Much unlike himself. For he was ZIM, who knew EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING! And the code was truly important. So of COURSE he knew about it. "The code that you seem to be incompetent of knowing is that those who fall behind…" He watched Dib look to a skeleton lying on the banks of the tunnel and shudder. Zim rolled his eyes at the boy's naivety. "…Are left behind."

Dib sighed. "No heroes among thieves, then?"

"ZIM is no common thief! And really, for being such a, as you hyumans call it, a 'negative Nelly', you're pretty close to becoming a pirate. Which is a good thing, as you are learning under ZIM, and therefore will be the MOST AMAZING PIRATE _your generation will ever see_! Stop being a negative Nelly and just try being a…Nelly for once."

Dib blinked. "Nelly is a girl's name."

"Oh. Really? Well, eh, um…well that makes sense! Because you are a GIRL! Hahaha!"

Dib sighed and shook his head. There wasn't any way to win. "And, by the way, what makes you think I'm close to becoming a pirate?"

"Well, you've broken an Irken out of jail, you've stolen a ship…" The boat landed, and Zim took a long stride to make sure he didn't step in any water. While he waited for Dib to tie up the boat (Zim could not do such an undistinguished thing! Certainly not! For he was ZIM! He was ABOVE tying boats to docks!), he gave a kick to a pile of gold, causing the Dib-thing to look up suddenly, then finish tying, warily this time. "…And you're completely obsessed with treasure." With that, he turned and continued on his way.

"Hey…hey, hang on!" Dib ran after Zim, trying to catch up, finding out that, no matter how small Zim was, he was really quite fast if he wanted to be. "I am NOT obsessed with treasure. And those first two were under your command."

Zim gave an exasperated sigh, then stopped Dib and inched forward. "Not all treasure is in material worth, hyuman-stink-beast." He pointed a claw.

Dib realized where they were now. Well, not really, but he knew where Gaz was, at least. Dib and Zim were stationed on a cliff, overlooking a larger room that nearly hurt the eyes with all the glittering gold and gems. And on the island in the middle: Gaz, with a taller Irken beside her. The Irken (who Dib could only assume to be Tak) seemed to be yelling to the crowd of pirates, some sort of pep talk.

"Dib-beast." Zim rolled his eyes as Dib jumped. "Zim is going down to save her. Don't…just…try to come in at the opportune moment." With that, he made as though he were leaving.

Dib stood and followed behind him, severely pissed, tired of being treated like an incompetent, and ESPECIALLY not ready to be used as barter. "When is the opportune moment, _Zim_? When it's of the most profit for you?"

Zim sighed, then turned around and looked Dib in the eyes. "Look, Dib-thing. Zim isn't asking much of your small skill-set. He just wants you to stay here and not do anything stupid." And with that, he turned and headed down the corridor; ready to set his…eh…PLAN into action. Because he HAD a plan! Obviously! For he was ZIIIIIM!

~!~

**Somehow, I feel that this update is late, even though I actually AM getting it in on Saturday. I swear, though, I just woke up, so everything's fine. I find it rather amusing that I didn't start this until yesterday and I still got it done. I'm a filthy procrastinator, I know.**

**So anywaaaay…**

**Last chapter, I smuggled in a pun that no one got, so now I'm going to explain it. Y'know the god Trisickx? Yeah, 's pronounced Tri-six. As in, three sixes. As in, PRISONER 666 YOU DIDN'T SEE IT COMING! I'm so good.**

**Not much to say right now…I'm kind of depressed because I spent a lot of my time yesterday listening to a Holocaust survivor talk about what it was like, and that was really sad. Also, summer hit about two months early in MI, so I'm boiling away. Thank you, Lord, for this box fan.**

**OK, so the next chapter will be up by…uh…Tuesday. Since I've got Monday off. Yeah.**

**Read and review, please and thaaaank yoooou!**

_**INVADER ZIM DOESN'T BELONG TO ME. IF IT DID, EVERYONE WOULD WALK AROUND IN PUFFY SHIRTS AND HAVE COCKNEY ACCENTS AND SH*T LIKE THAT. WHY DID I CENSOR THAT WORD? I DON'T WANNA KNOW.**_


	9. Serious discussions

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 9

"Ten years we've waited! Every last piece of gold we have found…" Tak snatched the necklace around Gaz's neck, holding the gold up but leaving it attached. "Save for this!" She dropped the gold and propped her boot up against the tomb cover. "Who's blood has already been paid for our freedom?"

A resounding cry of "Ours!"

"And who's blood has yet to be paid?"

"Hers!" Fingers pointed towards Gaz, who was trying to look indifferent, and failing very badly.

"Every man here has proved his metal a hundred times over!" Tak waved her arms around, getting into the feel of the cheering crowd. "And a hundred times again! And here's what we've been working for…" The boot she'd set against the tomb kicked the lid off, showing hundreds of glistening coins as the lid landed with a tremendous crash, sending jewels flying. "The gold of king Card Nar! Time to give the greedy Vortian back what he wanted!" She grabbed the coin and tore it from Gaz's neck, breaking the chain and holding it up, pushing Gaz's head and neck over the tomb with the other claw. One of her PAK legs emerged, holding some sort of bone knife.

Gaz opened her eyes a crack and tried to get a good look at said knife. She gulped, and the cold wave of fear, something she had never felt before, washed right over her pride. It looked like one of the sacrificial knives in stories about the Aztecs and their sun-god rituals.

She really, really didn't want to die.

~!~

Zim's eyes scanned the room.

He had a master plan, oh yes. Of course. For he was ZIM! And he totally knew _exactly _how to deal with this situation. Yes. He just…erm…couldn't REMEMBER it right at this very second. Yes, it was a plan that had to be well-concentrated upon at all times, and he was so busy…um…lecturing the pig-stink Dib that he had…eh…forgotten it. Damn pig-stink! Now he had to come up with another one! Which wouldn't be too hard, since he was so…eh…good at thinking. With his _mind _and such. Yes. And, eh…um…and he was ZIM! And he would-

The inner monologue Zim was having was cut short by a whack on the back of the head with an oar. Dib caught Zim and pulled him behind a rock, rather surprised at the sudden unexpected heaviness of such a small creature. Maybe it had to do with that metal thing on his back. "Sorry, Zim. I won't be your barter."

~!~

Gaz blinked as Tak completely disregarded the set-up to slitting her throat, and instead grabbed her hand and placed the bone knife to her palm instead. She winced as the blade sliced into her skin, blood oozing from the gash. She looked up at Tak. "Is that all? I was expecting something more-Ow! Son of a bitch!"

Tak was squeezing the coin into the slice in Gaz's hand, multiplying the stinging pain several times. She held the human's hand over the tomb, letting several drops drip onto the bed of gold before forcing the girl to release the coin (it didn't take much) which dropped into place, scattering a few other pieces before falling to rest, Gaz's blood still caked on one side. Gaz pulled her hand to her chest, giving a few sharp gasps through her teeth, clearly trying to make it seem as though she wasn't in pain at all, and could totally take something like that, no really she could, while Tak (and the rest of the pirates) stood in revered silence, with closed eyes, as though trying to hear something in the silence.

Finally, the silence was broken like a foot going through thin ice. "Hey, buddy~? I don't feel any different~"

GIR spoke up, almost as though defending his ginger friend. "Sir! I request the information required to tell how we know if the curse is broken."

Tak rolled her eyes, pulled a laser gun from her PAK, and shot Keef, effectively blowing his shoulder off. Every pirate in the room turned to look.

"Hey, I'm not dead!" Uncanny red irises turned to Tak. "You blew my shoulder off, buddy~!"

Sizz-Lorr turned to GIR, knowing that Keef would be impervious to any negative comments. "You! You brought us the wrong girl!" He pointed his oversized spatula threateningly.

GIR waved his hands in front of him defensively. "But the data is correct! She's the right age, she had the coin, and she said herself she had no last name! It made sense!"

Meanwhile, Tak turned to Gaz. "You!" She grabbed her by the front of her collar. "Are you the daughter of Seine? Mr. Bill?"

"Are you high?" Gaz could only just barely refrain from spitting in the Irken's face. She was done putting up with this shit. She only twitched back when the necklace, still dripping with her own blood, was shaken in her face.

"Seine! Mr. Bill! The man who's blood we need! Are you his child, with his blood coursing through your veins? WELL?"

"Get. Out. Of. My. Face."

Tak pushed Gaz backwards, causing her to stumble, then fall and roll down the small hill, the necklace bouncing down with her and landing next to her ear as she lay face down. The Irken turned to the crowd, which was slowly growing severely pissed.

"You're the one who started this!"

"You sent Mr. Bill to the depths!"

There was such a commotion that no one noticed the slight lighting-bolt-shaped hair that was cutting through the water like a shark's dorsal fin. Dib finally found his way to Gaz, and sprinkled a bit of water on her neck to wake her up. Her head twisted suddenly to face him, eyes popped open (most likely at the fact that it was him and not someone else), but she had the common sense to be quiet, and to grab the necklace before plunging underwater and following her friend out.

Tak turned to the place where Gaz HAD been laying, then scanned the small landing for the necklace. She blinked, then turned to the crew. "We don't have any time to fight!" She snapped. "The medallion is gone!"

~!~

As soon as the helping hand that had been offered to Gaz had fully pulled her up, it let go and recoiled. "Gah! Why does your hand have to be all wet?"

"Yeah, why, huh? Answer me that!"

Gaz snarled and got ready to choke a bitch. "Well, MAYBE I've been having a REALLY trying day, and if you bother me about a little bit of WATER, then I'm going to take your face and shove it so far up your…" She trailed off as she opened her eye to see who she was talking to, then opened the other out of shock. "Red? Purple?"

Red ignored Gaz and turned to Dib, who was being helped up by Spleenk. "Hey, Dib! What happened to Zim?"

"Yeah, Dib! Where's our captain, huh? Huh? Answer me that, huh? Huh huh huh?"

Gaz looked to Dib. "What? What the hell did I miss? Zim? Like, the midget Irken who was in prison about three days ago?"

Dib looked at Red and grimaced. "He fell behind." He turned to Gaz. "Come on, I'll explain everything. Let's get that hand of yours fixed." He took his friend by the shoulder and propelled her towards the stairs to the hull, taking a chance just with touching her. She didn't seem to mind, seeming more confused than pissed off.

The rest of the crew stood in stunned silence for a moment before Tenn took control of the ship that now belonged to her. "Pull up the anchor and lower the sails! Tak and her men will be on their way out any minute now, and we need as much of a step forward as we can get! Take your time to grieve later!" She stepped up and wrapped a claw around part of the wheel. She looked down, and mumbled under her breath, "Thanks for the boat, Zim."

~!~

Zim, meanwhile, had woken up, and was now having a hissy fit about Dib running away. "Oh! That _wretched _CREATURE! When Zim gets his hands on him, he will WRING the Dib-stink's neck, oh yes! Foolish dirt-hyuman, to play games with ZIM!" He turned to find some other way to get out to the boat, only to see GIR, his old robot, his once-constant companion, glaring up at him, aiming a gun and stuck in duty mode. "GIR?" GIR made it clear that the gun was loaded. "What did they do to you?" Zim took a step back, and GIR took a step forward.

"My new master has fixed me so that I will be constantly useful, unlike how _you_ used me. I am highly efficient thanks to her. And when I catch you…" GIR changed the power level on said gun and readied it to fire. "She'll be so impressed, I'll become first mate!" He shot, the blast missing Zim – who lunged out of the way – and hitting the wall behind him, making an indent, the rocks that had been there previously suddenly missing.

Zim scrambled to his feet while GIR looked around, trying to lock onto him, and ran in one direction only to see an oversized spatula pointed at him. He slowly raised his (AMAZING) head to see his old cook, Sizz-Lorr. He twitched, then turned around, only to see GIR locked on and ready to fire again. He turned around, but saw the spatula brandished menacingly, actually poking towards him and hitting him in the forehead.

He was stuck.

"I thought you died, buddy~"

And that was possibly the worst voice he could have heard.

Zim turned around to face GIR and Keef. "The amazing ZIM would never die to something so silly! Eh…PARLAY!"

GIR glared. "What fool ever invented the concept of parlay…"

"You can blame the stinking hyumans for that one, actually. It is a pretty bad idea, but after all, they are hyuman-stink-worms. Eh…and I am ZIM! Irkens are superior to those hyumans in _every way_…"

"Wow, that's so cool, buddy~"

"What's going on here? Why aren't you all…looking…for the…" Tak started out strong, but her tone lost persuasion as the group looked to her, then slowly parted to show Zim. "…Good Tallest, Zim, you're alive?"

"You expected anything less? After all, I am ZIM! I am AMAZING!" Zim punched the air, while Tak sighed and facepalmed.

"Zim…how on Irk did you manage to get off that godforsaken island?"

"Well, _Tak,"_ Zim spit her name out like it was some sort of disease. "When you abandoned me on that island in the middle of nowhere, you forgot one very important thing."

"Which waaas…?"

"I AM ZIIIIM!"

Tak rolled her eyes. "Well, we won't be making THAT mistake again." She turned to the crew. "Men! You all remember Captain Zim?" A roar of cheers. "Kill him!" She turned to go.

As half a dozen guns aimed at his head, Zim called after Tak, "The filth-hyuman's blood didn't work, did it?"

Tak stopped. "Hold your fire!" She turned on one heel to face Zim. "You know who's blood we need."

Zim smiled that smile of needles. "Zim knows who's blood you need."

~!~

"What kind of decent human being would trade a man's life for a ship?" Gaz grumbled as she did her best to tie a cloth bandage around her hand.

"Well, they're not decent, and they're not humans, so I guess by your logic their clear." Dib smirked as Gaz threw the bandage down in a huff. "You can't leave it untied, you know."

Gaz blew out her cheeks. "Then YOU do it, Mr. I'll-just-sit-here-and-watch-you-struggle." She held her hand out for him to take, showing him that she really was serious about the whole 'making him tie the bandage for her' thing.

Dib didn't mind, and took her hand, wrapping the cloth around the section with the cut. "She really got you, didn't she?"

"She's SADISTIC. You have NO idea how happy I am that I'm off her – Ow! Careful!" Gaz winced as Dib accidentally pulled a little too hard on the cloth, sending a stinging pain through her arm.

"Sorry. I'm crap at things like this. I'm a blacksmith, not a doctor." Dib smiled apologetically at his friend and loosened his grip.

"Hey, finish what you start! I don't really care, anyway. I've done worse to you, so this is sort of payback." Gaz looked away as she stated the truth, biting her lip as she went. This was about as close to apologizing as she could get without spontaneously combusting from all that FORGIVENESS.

Dib blinked, then smiled and finished wrapping the bandage. "There." He patted the cloth-wrapped hand with pride before releasing it for Gaz to pull back to her side. "Why did she do that to you?"

The silence that met the statement made Dib worry that he'd said something wrong. "Uh…look, you don't have to answer that if you…um…I mean…"

"I took your name."

Dib blinked, staring at Gaz, trying to catch her averted eyes. "…What?"

Gaz reached into her pocket and pulled the necklace from it. It was actually kind of amusing to watch Dib's eyes widen at the very sight. She dropped it on the table between them and pushed it towards him. "I had that. And I told them my name was Gazlene Nameless, instead of Membrane." She watched carefully for his reaction. When there was none, except incredulous disbelief at the coin, which he was now examining. "They were looking for you, weren't they? It was your father who was on the crew. Your blood. That's why it didn't work." The atmosphere was tense, and Gaz felt like she needed to get out of there. "I'll go up and see if they need any help." She stood to go and headed for the ladder up, but turned back to glance at Dib, who hadn't moved since he'd picked up the coin. "…Come up when you're ready, OK?" With that, she headed up to the top deck, guilt weighing down every step.

~!~

**OK, so I **_**technically **_**got this chapter up on Tuesday. Don't go crawling over my ass about it. Because, as much as I would like that (and you know I totally would), I've got stuff to do.**

**Finals are this week and the next, so don't expect me to get any updates in during these next two weeks. I'm going to be severely weighed down by studying and that bullcrap. So I hope you savored this chapter, because there aren't going to be any more for a while.**

**Meanwhile, I'm still totally open for suggestions on retellings! Anything from Disney's golden age! (Except for Bambi, that's some trippy shit. But anything else, I've probably seen, and therefore can totally do.)**

**Right, so like…I'll finish the next chapter by…uh…the end of my school year. Which is in two weeks.**

_**INVADER ZIM DOESN'T BELONG TO ME, BUT IT WOULD BE LIKE TOTALLY SWEET IF IT DID.**_


	10. Man, that jail cell sucked!

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 10

There was mayhem on deck. Gaz felt as though she'd just stuck her head into a tornado or something of the like. As she poked her head out of the trapdoor, she saw nothing but a sea of running feet. Her guilt, combined with the worry of what was going on, made her stomach twirl in a most unpleasant way. She had to find SOMETHING out, or it might explode. Her stomach, I mean, not the…boat or whatever.

"Hey, you!" She waved her hand at the Irken piloting the ship as she climbed up and ran over to her. "What's going on?"

Red eyes turned to Gaz. "I have a name. It's Tenn. Glad to meet you."

Gaz rolled her eyes. "And the question…?"

Tenn sighed. You really couldn't win with these stupid humans. "The Pearl's hot on our tail. They'll be catching up soon."

Gaz blinked. "Um, what?" She pointed a finger at the wood they stood on, indicating the Interceptor. "_This _is the fastest ship in the Caribbean!"

"Yeah? Well, you can tell them that once they've caught us!" Tenn, too stressed out by the attempts to steer the ship to focus on good conversation, turned away from Gaz, trying to keep an eye on the path ahead of them.

Gaz bit her lip and looked around. She needed to help, to come up with a plan, SOMEthing. So far, she'd done nothing of worth for the entirety of this ordeal, and it was time she took her fate into her own hands. "Hey…Tenn, was it?" She pointed to the front of them. "Doesn't the current change up there?"

Tenn blinked. "Aye?"

"So as long as we get there first then change the wind we're on and go in a different direction, shouldn't we logically be faster than them? And that current takes us to Port Anne, I believe, where we could restock and sell the necklace away."

Red and Purple, drawn to the plan like moths to a light, placed a claw on her shoulders.

"Y'know, that has some merit. We don't have to outrun them for too long."

"Yeah! Just long enough!"

Tenn bit at her lip (Not that it actually was a lip, mind), but she didn't have much choice. "Well…alright." She turned around to face Spleenk. "Spleenk! Get Lard Nar and Shloontapooxis to help you rally the crew up! Everything we can afford to lose gets tossed overboard!" Privately, however, she lowered and shook her head. "This is crazy. And stupid. Crazy and stupid like Zim, and look what happened to him."

~!~

"How do I know you're telling me the truth, Zim? I mean, all I have is your word that this boy you want to give me is the one I need, and you want me to just watch you sail away with my ship?"

"No, actually." Zim reached forward towards the bowl of fruit in the middle of the table that was situated between himself and Tak. "What Zim REALLY wants to do is to leave you on an island in the middle of nowhere with no name, and only yourself and your smelly head and a gun for company, and then Zim could shout your name back to you."

Tak leaned back and propped her legs up on the table, clasping her hands in her lap. "But either way, all I end up with is a name and your word, and your word is HARDLY trustworthy. Give me a reason to believe you."

There was a long, awkward pause as Zim thought. And, of course, it was an AMAZING thought process. And the pause wasn't awkward, it was…eh…_suspenseful_. It was a _pregnant _pause, the best kind. Yes. Obviously, it wouldn't be awkward, because awkward pauses happened when someone was trying to think of something to say, and Zim was just…making sure what he said had more…_weight_. Yes. "…Zim is the only link you have to the boy."

Tak rolled her eyes and moved to stand up. "Whatever. I'm going up to steer the ship." She turned and took the stairs up.

She was in the process of opening her spyglass to stare out at the Interceptor, which they were gaining on, when an all-too-familiar face got in front of it.

"Zim is having a thought, Tak. And it is an AMAZING THOUGHT, because Zim is AMAZING! Why don't you send ZIM out over to the Interceptor? I can get the Dib-stink, bring him over, and you can rid yourself of the stinking curse-thing quicker! He would definitely believe Zim, who is AMAZING IN EVERY CONCIEVEABLE WAY!"

Tak had to lower the spyglass to glare at Zim. "THAT, Zim," she snapped. "Is the attitude that LOST you the Pearl in the FIRST place. KEEF!" The overexcited ginger came bounding over immediately.

"Yeah, buddy~?"

"Take Zim down to the cells. I'm sure he'll have a lovely time there."

"Okie-dokie, buddy~" Keef smiled, then grabbed Zim by the arm and went skipping off, dragging the thoroughly unhappy Irken behind him.

When Zim had pretty much resigned himself to pain, he found himself being shoved into a room and heard the sound of a door slamming behind him. He turned to stare through the bars at Keef's retreating back, the stink-beast giggling and humming some stupid hyuman song, before turning away again.

And realized that he was standing in filthy water.

I have no words to describe the pitch of the shrieks that poor creature made, so instead, I suggest you all think of something more calming. Such as rape.

~!~

Tenn sighed in a way that suggested her resign. "It _was _a good plan, Gazlene. Up until now." She and Gaz were staring off the back of the Interceptor, only to see the Pearl swerving sideways, ready to fire.

Gaz had never felt this helpless in her life. This topped almost drowning, being held down above a tomb, or being unable to harm her captor in any way. They HAD to do something. This was not how she was going to die. "…They've caught up."

"Yep."

"…We're all going to die."

"That's a possibility, yes."

"…That's not fair."

"Life isn't fair." The Irken crossed her arms and sighed, her antennae flopping down against her skull. "Anyone who says differently is trying to sell something."

"…Well…well, we have to do SOMETHING!"

"Like what?" Tenn snapped, hopelessness translating into irritation. "It doesn't matter how fast we go, their cannonballs will be moving faster. We're fucked, Gazlene. You know. White flag. Throw in the towel. Uncle. Let's go play Scrabble. There is _nothing _we can do."

"Then we stop running like cowards and fight back!" If there was one thing Gaz wouldn't stand for, it was being lectured like a child. She didn't even think about what she was saying until she saw Tenn blink, then turn to look at the approaching ship, antennae slowly raising again.

"Skoodge!" The shorter Irken was there in a moment, saluting. "What do we have left on the ship? Things small enough to fit in a cannon?"

"Sir! Sir, we have silverware of all kinds, clothing, rocks, and random personal knick-knacks of all kinds, sir. HOO-AH!" The shout at the end was accompanied by a pelvic thrust of 'I just did something super awesome love me'. Gaz's 'impressed' face was crushed by her 'disgusted' face.

Tenn, however, nodded. "Alright. Tell Red and Purple to alert the rest of the crew. Tell them to load the cannons with anything we have left. Go!"

"Sir!" Skoodge snapped another salute before turning and running off. Tenn turned to Gaz and smirked.

"That's Skoodge. He's useful."

~!~

Zim hadn't expected to have any sort of peephole, especially near the ceiling, which he had practically glued himself to. When he found the small hole in the wall, he was wary about putting his eye to it, as that was probably where all the water in the cell came from. However, there wasn't some sort of visi-scope in his PAK, useful as it would be, so he had to settle for potential danger to his eyes and try it.

The Interceptor, which the amazing ZIM could see even from so far away, wasn't moving at top speed, which was actually worrying. Instead, they were turning around to…Oh, good Tallest, did they intend to…?

Zim lurched back as the Interceptor shot something at the Pearl, causing his PAK legs to scramble and try to get a better grip on the ceiling. "Be CAREFUL, you pig-stinks!" Zim snapped, as though the crew on the Interceptor could hear him. "You almost hit the amazing ZIIIIIM! Why are you shooting at ZIM'S ship? Hmmm?" He had to lunge out of the way again as something actually blasted through his cell wall. He was ready to shout something else when he turned to see that the cell door had been blasted right off of its hinges. Quietly, he closed his mouth and stepped out, the PAK legs releasing him from the ceiling.

Right, back to the Interceptor.

~!~

Gaz was pretty much resigning herself to lunging out of the way and pulling Tenn down, or getting grabbed by the waist and hauled down herself. It was strange, how quickly this…was it a friendship? Had formed. She was used to doing most everything on her own, being feared or disliked, but the Irken seemed more than willing to help her in this rather unfortunate time of need. It was weird, but nice. Nice in a weird way. All warm and fuzzy in her stomach, though that was usually squished out every time her shoulder or hip slammed onto the soaking wood, or the green woman ended up with her face in Gaz's hip(or somewhere equally awkward).

And yet, though the sounds of cannonfire and yelling, she heard a remarkably familiar voice from the other ship.

"GIVE ZIM THAT! HAHAHA! YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR MY _superiority, _STINK-CREATURE!"

And then Tenn was hauling her out of the way of the flamboyant Irken who came soaring over on a rope and crash-landed right where Gaz had been standing. She scrambled to her feet and glared at Zim. "Because of you, we're all SCREWED! You IDIOT!"

Zim returned the facial courtesy. "ZIM'S fault? Who decided to steal treasure and then not accept the consequences, _Membrane_?" He was ready for the slap, and caught her hand. Because Zim was AMAZING, and he could TOTALLY DO THAT. With his…eh…powers. Of amazingness. He peered at the bandage wrapped around the girl's hand. "…And where is dear mister Nameless, may I inquire?"

Gaz blinked, then turned around to get a look at the grill to the lower floor. The heavy grill. Which had, with one thing and another, ended up shut.

"Oh, _shit."_

~!~

**Hey, everyone! Chokopoppo here!**

**I am SO SORRY. This chapter is something like three weeks late. Shit, man, I need to work on this. It's becoming a problem. I did most of the chapter the first day, and then I was all, "Oh, I'll finish it up some time this week. Obviously I didn't. And then I had to go take a summer school recovery plan type thing, and…yeah. So anyway…**

**On non-self-pitying news, I have a new hat! It's fabulous. I love it.**

**This is the part where I should probably ask rhetorical questions that you already know the answers to on account of having watched this movie, but I have a headache and I want to go eat my cup ramen, so I'd rather not. By the way, why are there new Mini-Wheats that are even smaller than normal Mini-Wheats? Wasn't that the point of the word 'Mini'? I mean, really. Come on now. That's just silly. YOU HEAR THAT, KELLOGG'S? YOU'RE SILLY! Or redunkulous, depending on your views.**

**See you next chapter, which will be up by Monday!**

**~Choko**


	11. I see living people

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 11

"Dib!"

It just sort of…slipped out. Gaz was panicking, which was no good, but was happening anyway, which, if she'd had a head clear enough to think with, sucked. She didn't know exactly what she was doing, but she felt claws scrape against her skin as she tore her arm away from Zim's hand, and the next thing she was aware of was the scraping on her palms as she tripped over one of her shipmates – Shloontapooxis? She couldn't tell – and threw her hands out to catch herself. They caught on the grate, effectively skinning them rather well.

"Gaz?" Dib hurried over to look up through the grate at his friend. "What's going on? The grate closed and I couldn't get it open, so I was looking for another way out and…hey, it's loud out there. What's going on?"

"That's not important. C'mon, we need to get you out! Can you push up? I'll pull."

Dib nodded and the two of them set to work, struggling against the heavy metal door. Normally, Dib's arm strength would have sufficed, but getting a hold to push was hard enough, and actually working at it was harder. However, the combined arm strength of Dib and Gaz was enough to pry the door open, and Dib climbed out.

"Psh. Some…blacksmith _you_…are. Can't even…open some bigass…_door. _Grate. Whatever…thingy." Gaz was somewhat surprised at her lack of strength, as she'd always thought of herself as rather strong. At least in comparison to other people. But here she was, completely out of breath over something so stupid as a metal grate.

"Heh. At least we got it open. Without me, you'd have-"

"GET DOWN!" Dib hardly comprehended what Gaz was saying until she grabbed him by the waist and sent them both crashing to the floor. He was completely windless for a moment, watching the cannonball crash into the – what was that thing called? Dib was pretty sure Zim had told him, but he couldn't recall – before turning to Gaz.

"Does that…happen a lot?"

She nodded. "You'll get used to it. C'mon, let's go!" And she was on her feet, hauling him up as well and running towards Tenn. Dib tried to keep up. He'd never realized just how fast she was until now. He'd have to make note of that. It was probably important.

"FINALLY! The amazing ZIM was growing impatient waiting for you useless hyuman-worm-babies to show up!" The short Irken crossed his arms and glared. He was mutually ignored.

"Tenn, what happened while I was gone?"

"Stuff's getting progressively worse, Gaz." Tenn shook her head, her antennae drooping. "And I'm pretty sure Tak's crew is on it's way to come fight over here. Get something to fight with, because it's time to go all out."

Dib nodded, then glanced at Gaz. He was fairly sure she'd never practiced any sort of weaponized fighting. The closest would be her beating him up when they were kids. Just the memory made him cringe. Yeah, she'd be fine with just her fists.

"Here they come." Tenn removed some sort of strange device from her PAK, and Dib wanted nothing more than to scoot closer and stare at it. It looked similar to a revolver in the basic shape, but it was a strange color, and there were rings around the barrel. They must have been some sort of grip, because Tenn slipped her claws into the spaces between them, but the other hand was on the handle. It was so very, very interesting…

"What are you waiting for, Dib-stink? Draw your weapon!" Zim was growing impatient with the pig-hyuman, who was just gawking at Tenn's gun. It was BASIC Irken technology, not something to gawk after! Just because it was a new model of the Croixver-42 with the molded handle and super-accurate, heat-sensing plasma darts and he had _wanted it for the longest time and why did Tenn have it if he didn't and…_Oh. Er. Anyway. Nothing to gawk after! Because, eh…_Zim _certainly didn't.

"Right! Let's go!" Tenn jumped to her feet and took the first shot, which landed squarely in another Irken's chest, beeped, and exploded. Gaz winced and took a step back. Eeeyew.

~!~

"Go get the amulet for mommy. G'wan, Mimi!"

It was rather strange to watch Tak speak in such a manner to her pet. Sizz-Lorr had long ago forgotten the fact that the cat-bot had been Tak's one friend when she had boarded the Pearl, and had just assumed that she kept it around for the sake of it 'maybe being useful later'. The tone that his captain used now was almost frighteningly endearing, and he was pretty sure 'Mimi' _purred _when Tak tapped her head with an antenna. As he watched the cat-bot shoot off towards the other ship in a blur, he missed Tak's face reforming from 'huggy-buggy mother of a baby' to 'Captain Ass-kicker extraordinaire'. When he looked back, she was glaring again, with a look ready to stop global warming forever. "What are you waiting for? Get to work!"

~!~

_Find._

_Find target_[gold disk of value/'Amulet']_. Find creature with target. Keep creature with target alive if convenient. If not, kill creature with target. Find son of Mr. Bill_[Human male/female]_. Keep alive and capture._

_Find for mommy_[Irken 'Tak'. Owner/designer]_._

_If convenient, find 'Zim'_[Irken. Ex-captain of homeship]_. Return to 'Pearl'_[homeship] _with target if convenient. If not, kill target._

~!~

Dib really hadn't been expecting a robo-kitty to land on his chest, and he REALLY hadn't expected something so small to be so HEAVY. He couldn't MOVE with that damn thing on him. He didn't even think of running it through with his sword because, uncanny as it was, it was so damn CUTE. Even when it went rifling through his pockets, snatched the necklace, and went blurring away. He sat up, blinked, and felt a kick of panic in his chest.

Shit!

He'd just let a robo-kitty go through his pockets and take the medallion that he was supposed to protect. That would not look good on a resume. Like, at all.

Dib scrambled to his feet to follow, but was blocked by really-quite-large Irken, who brandished a spatula at him.

Dib wilted.

Sizz-Lorr smirked.

~!~

Zim was busy fighting off his former compatriots when he caught sight of an all-too familiar blur of…cat. Blackness. Cat blackness. Black cat. Whatever it was, he had to follow it. Because he was ZIIIM! Not to mention another, also familiar glint of gold, which caused for a sinking feeling in his squeedly-spooch.

Zim was AMAZINGLY TRAINED, so his slipping-away was hardly noticed. Of course, his shipmates would notice his absence after a short while, because who would NOT notice the amazing ZIM missing? No one, that was who! Ha! But right now, it was important that he be the STEALTH MACHINE that he could turn himself into when it was important! And so, he slunk after Mimi, following her over the gap and creeping up the side of the boat.

Right, catch the SIR, then…

"Thank you, Mimi."

Zim looked up and smiled meekly. "Er…hello again, Tak. Fancy seeing you here, eh?"

"Yes, considering it's _my _ship, and _you_ should be in one of the prison cells on the lower levels, not up here talking to me, it IS a rather rare occasion we're sharing here." The taller Irken smirked and cocked her head. "Why don't you come up? I rather enjoy our conversations. GIR, if you please…"

The robot snapped into salute and picked up Zim, against the Irken's protests, carrying him to the mast.

"You see, Zim, your resistance is futile. You're one little water droplet. Sure, many drops make an ocean, but you and your crew are HARDLY large enough for that. My crew is a mass of large…how should I put this…water balloons?" Tak's smile grew as she watched her old captain struggle against the restraints that GIR was tying at that moment. "But I suppose I'll humor you. I've captured most of your crew, except for what Sizz-Lorr can't pry off of the floor after he's applied the spatula treatment."

Zim shivered. Spatula treatment. That was all-too-familiar.

"And…Oh look, here they are. What excellent timing. Zim, friends. Friends, Zim. Do enjoy yourselves." Tak snapped her claws at GIR, who jumped to his newly assigned task of 'bind up the rest of the crew as well'.

There was, to be certain, a great deal of struggling against the ropes. Lard Nar, Skoodge, and Shloontapooxis were, like Zim, too short to be bound _and _touch the ground simultaneously, so they were mostly useless. The most flailing they could do was a matter of kicking their feet around. Or, in Shloontapooxis's case, wiggling. It was enough to make Gaz sigh and shake her head. That didn't last long, though. Then it was back to severe pissed-offedness. "You green _slime_! You know what you are, Tak? You're slime, muck that just drips around! You don't do anything, it's all your companions!"

"Green slime? How uncreative. Even if you're right, I'm out here, and you're tied up. Silly human." Tak chuckled, then turned away.

Zim leaned over to Gaz, but she hushed him. "Shut up! It's your fault we're here in the _first _place!"

"But, Gaz-stink! Where's the Dib-thing?"

Gaz blinked, then turned to look around the pole. Sure enough, there was no lighting-shaped hair to be found. She returned her gaze to the ship. "Tenn…? Did you see what happened to Dib?"

"Why? Did something…is he not here? Did he get away?"

Gaz shook her head, and Tenn returned her gaze to the Interceptor. "Well, y'know…maybe he was smart, stayed low, got away and he's heading back to a port. Get some crew members, rescue us, unless he leaves us for dead. If he's not here, he's probably safe, Gazlene. Don't worry about it."

Gaz bit her lip. "If he died, he's in BIG trouble."

Tenn chuckled. "I think he'll remember your fist in his face. Bet he'll stay outta trouble."

And then the Interceptor exploded.

Gaz shrieked, Tenn's antennae drooped, Red and Purple's jaws dropped simultaneously, and Spleenk and Shloontapooxis seemed unaware of what that symbolized, and, rather than panic, preferred to 'Oooh' and 'Aaah' at the pretty fireworks display. Skoodge managed to snap into salute to the 'fallen soldier' he had no doubt realized was missing long ago, and Zim, who had miraculously managed to escape his confinement, fell to his knees and raised his claws to the heavens. "WHYYYYY? WHY DOES EVERYTHING want to hurt _Zim_…?"

A foot came in contact with the side of Zim's head and he found himself falling over. "Because you're annoying and stupid, and no one likes you. Get up."

Zim glared up at Tak, who smirked. "Now, Zim, if you would mind telling me where I can find the son of Mr. Bill?"

Zim blinked, then let a grin grow on his face. "Ha! Your hope explodes with the ship you just blew up, _Tak_. He was aboard the Interceptor. You'll NEVER get him now! NEVER! Haaahahaha! Ahahaha! Ha ha…ahugch…" Zim coughed a few times. "Excuse me. Where was I?"

" 'Ha ha'." Tenn suggested politely.

"Oh, yes. Thank you, Tenn. As I was saying…Ha ha ha haaaaa! Hahahahaha! Ahahaha-"

"Dib!"

"Zim, that's really annoying, could you stop?" Dib had, somehow, survived the explosion, and, yet another somehow, appeared on the boat. After glaring at Zim for a moment and smiling and waving at his crew for another, he turned to Tak. Somewhere, he'd gotten a revolver, and was now pointing it at himself. He backed away and sat on the edge of the ship. "I've heard you can't die, captain Tak, so using this gun on you would be wasteful."

Tied to the mast, Gaz was mouthing the words, "Please don't do anything stupid, please don't do anything stupid, please don't do anything stupid…"

"But I can, and trust me, I'm a valuable resource for you."

"…Like that." Gaz sighed. "Tenn, if I beat him up when we get out of this, would you blame me?"

"Not if I was paid to do so."

Tak seemed confused, then turned to Zim. "Who is this? Is he important? Is he…"

"No! Nonono, he's NOT! This is, um, Will. Will…Turner. He's just a friend's…distant cousin's…nephew. Yes! No one of any importance!"

"My name is Dib Nameless, son of Mr. Bill! I'm under the impression that you require my blood for a…curse, was it?" Dib repositioned the gun under his chin. "Agree to my terms, or lose me forever to Davy Jones' locker."

Tak seemed to be considering her options. She turned to her hostages, then to her crew, then to Zim, who looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. She smirked, but turned to Mimi who, without a word, dropped the medallion into Tak's claws.

"Alright, Mr. Nameless. What are your terms? I'll see if they're agreeable."

"Gazlene goes free!"

There was sort of an awkward silence, before Dib added, "And the rest of the crew. To not be harmed." Dib motioned to the rest of the crew with the revolver.

Tak smirked. "I think we can arrange that.

~!~

"What the hell? We had an agreement! I said she was to go free!"

"You did indeed insist upon her freedom. However, you also failed to specify When or Where. Take him away, Sizz!" Tak cackled as Dib was picked up like a ragdoll and hauled away. Only when the large Irken was completely out of sight did she return her attention to Gaz, who was on 'the plank'. "And once again, Miss Nameless, you're at my mercy."

Gaz narrowed her eyes. "It's Miss Membrane."

"I see. Charmed."

~!~

**Hey! It's Chokopoppo here again! Wow, this entry's in early! Probably in apology of my incredible late-ness last time. I guess I'm more motivated when the only options are this and going to the library to return books I'd rather keep. Yep.**

**Soyeah, next chapter may or may not contain the word 'Tiddly-Wank'. Viewer discretion is advised. …I don't really know what that means. Expect an update by Friday!**

**Moral: Mmm, 'skettios.**


	12. HOLY CRAP ISLAND

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 12

"Gazlene, before you jump to your doom, I want to say what a pleasure it has been to be in your company. Except when you tried to kill me…and talked back…and avoided looking at me…and insulted me…and acted bitchy…" Tak stroked her chin. "…Y'know, maybe I'm thinking of something else. The point is, it pains me to see something so beautiful be destroyed."

Gaz blinked.

"So I'll be having that dress back before you go."

Gaz scowled.

She tore her dress off in record time and threw it at Tak, wishing it was more solid and would have made more of an impact on the Irken's face. Instead, she had to watch Tak smell it, grin, and toss it to the rest of the crew. "It's still warm, boys."

Gaz didn't really want to see what kind of reaction the pirates would have to that, so instead, she just turned to continue her walk along the plank, stopping at the edge. She peered down at the dark blue water, then looked up to see a hint of an island on the horizon. Then back down at the water. She was preparing herself, physically and mentally, to swim that far. Breath in, breath out. Breath in…

"Too long!" Someone stomped on the plank behind her. Gaz stumbled, then fell over the edge, the momentum building, and causing the water to be a harsh slap against her skin. She sank, struggled, and floated back to the surface, gasping in her first breath of air. She swallowed the salt water that had made its way into her lungs, then started swimming.

Meanwhile, Zim was also on the plank, biting his lip, also peering over the edge. He turned around, looking for solace of some kind, but found none in the glaring faces of pirates. "Is that the same island as…?"

"Yes, Zim."

"Ah." Zim swallowed, and looked, again, for some kind of salvation. "…The last time you left Zim there, you gave him a pistol. With one bullet in it."

Tak knocked herself on the head. "Of course! Idiot I am, I forgot. Where is Zim's pistol?" The pistol was passed around and handed to Tak.

"…A gentleman would give Zim a _pair _of pistols, what with there being two of us on the island now."

Tak rolled her eyes. "You want to be a gentleman, Zim? Fine. You can shoot the lady and starve to death yourself, understand?" And with that, she threw the gun. Far. Zim didn't see where it landed, but he was willing to bet that, with Tak's arm strength and all (How ELSE could she act like Mimi sitting on her shoulder was an easy thing? Zim had carried the SIR unit himself, and it was no easy feat), it had landed on the island.

And with that, Zim was jumping out, his PAK legs springing out as well. All he wanted to do was survive. Maybe there was a rock or something nearby, something that nearly scraped the surface of the ocean. He could only hope.

~!~

"…That is the SECOND time Zim has had to watch her sail away in his ship."

Gaz blinked at Zim, then watched him sort of wander away. He was so wet, she had to wonder if he was even thinking. His vacant gaze didn't do much for her, anyway.

"Hey! Zim!" Gaz wasn't sure why, but she was following the Irken like a sidekick follows the main character. "Zim, you got off this island before, right? Do the same thing now, it would be easy!" She stopped talking for a moment. "Um…what the hell are you doing?"

Zim, in his (hopefully) temporary spaciness, seemed to have gone nuts. He was knocking on trees, listening to rocks, jumping up and down on a particular patch of sand…

Which he then reached down and swung open. He turned back to Gaz, smirking, life blazing in scarlet eyes. "Ha! While you, pitiful hyuman, were talking, ZIM found it!"

Gaz blinked. "What is it?"

Zim sighed. "THIS is the storage center for the Abductor's Brewery. An underground trading center for alcohol, cigarettes, etcetera." He took a step down, and, though Gaz did not follow, she could hear him rummaging around. "They've been out of business for ages, thanks to your stinking pig-smelly Iggins." He popped out, climbing the stairs again, with only his head visible. "Nice aliens. Idiots, though. Zim got off the island last time by agreeing to be a part of their experiments. They gave him a ride, and in exchange…they wanted to…_fuse _me. Duck-taped a box of cereal to my head." He raised a non-existant eyebrow (have we gone over why he didn't have them? Yes, we have. Because he was TOO AMAZING FOR THEM!) , then shook his head and climbed out.

Gaz shook her head, as though she was trying to shake out the stupidity that had just entered her ears. "…Let me get this straight. You're famous because you let two IDIOTS duct-tape a box of-of-of Fruit Loops to your head?"

"No, they were Luck-Charmers. Or…whatever that hyuman-food is called."

"Lucky Charms. But…that's it? What did you DO while you were here for three weeks?" Gaz's eyes traveled down to the bottles of brandy in Zim's claws. "Don't tell me…"

Zim held one of the bottles up. "Zeffin, the brandy that'll even override _ZIM'S_ system. Good for drowning your sorrows. Getting 'stone drunk'. Even the amazing ZIM needs a break from all his amazingness, you know." He tossed Gaz one of the bottles and strode away.

Gaz kept her jaw from dropping, and chased after the Irken. "But…but what about Dib? And…and Tenn? Red? Purple! Lard Nar and Skoodge! We have to go rescue them!"

Zim turned on his heel to face her. "To what point and purpose? Unless you stink-beasts have learned how to use cloaking devices and you have a ship floating off the shore of this island – which Zim doubts – your dear Mr. Nameless will be dead long before even Zim could catch up with his amazing speed. Drink your Zeffin and forget about him." He turned away again, muttering to himself about 'Hyuman-worm-babies' and 'all attached to each other'.

Gaz looked at his retreating back, then at the bottle in her hands, then at Zim's back again.

She wasn't stupid.

She could make a plan of her own.

~!~

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"

Two voices, neither of them singers in their normal state of mind, completely off-key and in two different octaves, were wailing out an old sailor harmony. Gaz and Zim, both stone-drunk, laughing and giggling like they were about four years old.

"Zim loves that song! Ahahaha!" The skin under the Irken's eyes had lost all it's green to the purple blush that came with the incredible drunkenness. That same drunkenness was what tripped him up, causing him to pull Gaz down on top of him. He was giggling in her ear. She didn't seem to mind.

"Y'knoow, G'zleene, Zim's gonna t'kke ov'r th' whuurld. 'S be nish." The serpentine tongue was heavy in Zim's mouth…so heavy…

"And you will be positively the most fearsome Irken of all time!" Gaz's rushed words didn't really indicate a conscious mind either.

"Yeeeesh! B'cs Z'm iz…Ziiiihm! Eheh…heh…" Zim removed the cork on his bottle of Zeffin and chugged. He seemed REALLY dedicated to finishing the bottle. He almost made it, but his head slumped to one side, and Gaz plucked the bottle from his hands. She listened carefully, and heard, to her relief, Zim's PAK slow it's humming, going from 'conscious' mode to 'unconscious' mode. It was probably still struggling with the alcohol.

"Finally. I thought you'd never pass out." Gaz sighed and shook her head. Zim had failed to notice that she took no swigs of her own. Well, that wasn't entirely true. At the beginning, when she'd been encouraging Zim to get down and chug, she'd taken one sip of her own, and that had been enough. She'd actually gotten near-drunk off of one sip. No wonder a couple of swigs would overpower the alcohol monitors in his…Pack-thing. Whatever it was called. The damn stuff was just packed. At least, she HOPED it was alcohol that got you drunk and not…something else. …She didn't want to think about what it MIGHT be.

Well, it was flammable. She knew that much from pouring the rest of it into the fire.

~!~

_Rebooting…please wait…rebooting…please wait…_

One antenna twitched. Then the other. Then, just to really shake things up a bit, both at once.

Zim sat up, groggy and cross. He felt like hell, and his head was pounding like a bass drum. He was completely unsure as to what he had been doing the previous night, and he wasn't totally sure he wanted to know.

And something smelled like smoke.

Zim turned his head around to look at the source. He shouldn't have done it, really. It was like a harsh slap to the face to wake him up, which was something he did not normally enjoy. His eyes widened at the giant bonfire of what had once been, oh, ten or eleven feet, tops. It now stretched up into the heavens, the smoke curling around the palm trees on the island. Really, he was lucky that this monster of a flame hadn't consumed him, but he was too angry at the fire-starter – who he could, at that moment, see feeding said fire – to count his blessings.

"GAAAZ-THIIING!"

Gaz, just then throwing another crate of Zeffin into the bonfire and ducking out of the way as the crash sent sparks into the air, hadn't noticed Zim until he shouted her…was it a nickname? Sure, her nickname. She glanced over at Zim, smirked. "How do you like the fire, Zim? Does it please you? Is its beauty parallel to your, your, what did you call it, your 'sheer amazing-ocity'?" She took Zim's stunned silence as a chance to heave yet another crate into the fire, despite Zim's frantic arm and hand movements.

"You…you…pathetic worm-baby!" Zim seemed to be regaining his composure, if just a little. "How _dare _you take advantage of Zim in this way? You…you get him drunk, and then you burn his supplies!"

Gaz could have commented on how incredibly wrong that had sounded, but it seemed better to come up with a rebuttal instead. "No! I didn't do any of that, Zim! You got _yourself _drunk, and I'm burning _our _supplies! They're not yours, because I'm here too! I'd rather not be, though, which is why I'm burning it all. Thank you very much, have a nice day." She brushed past him and went to stand on the shore.

This time, it was Zim who followed her. "You…you burned everything, Gaz-smell! The food, the shade, the…the Zeffin!"

"Yes, Zim, your precious space-rum – let's call it 'sprum' – is gone. And in exchange, we'll be rescued."

Zim seemed puzzled. Even his amazing mind seemed unable to comprehend women. He often heard hyuman-beasts complaining about such a thing. It had seemed so simple up until now, when he actually had to UNDERSTAND a female-worm-baby. "Eh…rescue? Because of…?"

Gaz rolled her eyes, but did not look back to see how Zim was currently reacting. She probably didn't want to know. "That smoke signal is over one thousand feet high, idiot. My father is a _governor_. He's probably sent the entire royal navy out to find me. Do you think there is any, ANY, chance they haven't seen this, and AREN'T coming out to rescue us? And yes, I do realize that you'll probably be caught and hung again, but hey, perhaps you should have thought of that before you decided to tell captain Tak about Dib, eh?"

"But…but…" Zim tried to respond, but even he, the amazing ZIM, came up blank. Truly, he had underestimated these intelligent female hyumans. "But why is the sprum gone?"

Gaz rolled her eyes, then pointed to the horizon. "See? What did I tell you? White sails. We'll be rescued in half, maybe a full hour."

Zim, his hands trembling, lost his patience and flipped out the revolver, pointed it at himself, then, thinking better, pointed it at Gaz. He seemed to have a mental battle with himself over who to shoot, then resigned himself to a painful death, put the gun away, and stumbled off towards the secret cellar to see if there was any 'Sprum' left. Finding nothing, he turned kicked an empty box. "Tiddly-wank."

~!~

"Well…well, we have to go save Dib!"

"Hardly, Gazlene. It's more important that _you're _safe _now_."

"What? Iggins, that's complete bullshit and you know it!" Gaz waved her hands about to make her point. She stopped, glanced at her father, then looked back at Iggins. "…For me. As a wedding gift."

There was a dead silence. Finally, her father stepped forward. "Gazlene…does this mean you're accepting the commodore's proposal?"

"Will he save my friend?"

Membrane glanced to Iggins who, looking as though he'd just won the jackpot at a gambling casino, nodded feverishly. "Yes. He will."

"Then yes. If he dies, the wedding's off, put away your best clothes, and get ready to live alone." She turned and stormed down to her quarters. Zim, who had been captured along with her, smiled nervously at Iggins.

"…Zim loves filthy hyuman weddings, you know."

~!~

**Hey it's me again! Chokopoppo!**

**If we get technical, this IS on time(at least where I am), so bitching will solve nothing. …IT'S ON TIME!**

**Guess who's the murdering comic relief in Macbeth! That's right, I am one in a group of…I wanna say 38 people, and we'll be putting together the play Macbeth in two weeks. The whole damn thing. 'S gonna be tough, but we'll do it anyway because I'm there and I'm just cool like that. Even though I'm NOT Lady MB and mumble grumble mumble…**

**Oh! Right! That's my personal life, no one gives a shit about that!**

**Anyway, next chapter will be up on Sunday, when this whole brouhaha is over and done with.**

**I HAVE PULLED A MUSCLE IN MY LEG IT HURTS.**

**And I warned you about "Tiddly-Wank".**


	13. Of mice and meat organs

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 13

With Zim…safe in his new lodgings, after directing Iggins towards their new destination, Iggins was left to ponder how much Gaz had really meant her acceptance. She certainly hadn't seemed pleased with doing such a thing, and, from what he could tell, she really sort of hated him. But he knew her better then to think she had something for Dib. She'd complained about the way people treated the two of them the many times they'd spoken at dinner. Usually while kicking him in the shins. Maybe that was a sign of interest.

He'd better put her under some sort of protection.

~!~

"Don't touch me! Iggins, you're in big trouble when my dad hears about this! Big trouble!" Gas struggled against her fiancées grip as he dragged her towards the saferoom, opened the door, and pushed her inside.

"On the contrary, Gazlene, it was your father who suggested it. Your safety is important to us, you know." A smirk, then the slam of the door.

Gaz hissed, blowing air through her teeth. She should have known Iggins would do something dishonest like this as they got near their target area. As far as she knew, he was rigging up the entire royal navy, and planned on killing, not just Tak and her crew (which would be nice), but Zim's crew too (which would be, like, anti-cool). And she'd only required he save Dib, instead of saving Dib, Tenn, Red and Purple, Lard Nar…

She growled and stormed over to another side of the room. This blew hard, and she wasn't going to sit around and let her friends get killed. "Let's see…I can either steal a gun and go running out, and get myself killed, or I can go the stereotypical but much less lethal way and tie these sheets together to make a rope. Since I already have the sheets, it'll be easier, but blasting Iggins' face in would be so _satisfying_…ugh. I'm terrible at decisions."

~!~

"Fish and visitors stink after three days. I feel your pain."

"Quiet." The robot was on edge, and had been since they'd caught Zim a few days ago. It was only natural for a GIR unit to get tied up over emotional things, which was why he'd been mostly transferred to being a SIR unit. Seemed like they'd kept more things from the original model than he'd thought. And one phrase kept flashing through his able-to-think-rationally brain.

'_What did they do to you what did they do to you what did they what did they they do to you they do to you …'_

"_Some_one's _tou_chy_, _eh? I was giving you two sympathy." Lard Nar shrugged. "Oh, well."

"They're just not used to it. Knowing that salvation is so close at hand, and they still have to wait, like, an hour, I mean." Tenn shrugged, too.

"Hey, guys, it's rude to talk about us like we're not here~" Keef, who was mopping the floors, pouted and whined like a small child.

"I don't think they like the taste of their own medicine."

"Sure don't seem like it."

"Silence! I demand silence!" GIR snapped, his head whirling around on the pike of his neck, red eyes flashing.

"Tell me a story first." Tenn stuck her tongue out at the robot. "Seriously, who do you think you are? 'I demand silence'? You're not my dad."

However, this teasing stopped at the first sentence for GIR. '_Tell me a story first'_ was better then _'What did they do to you'_.

"If I tell you a story, will you be silent?"

Tenn started, clearly not expecting that answer, before letting a zippery grin spread across her face. "I might. If it's a real good one."

GIR sighed, or made a noise as close to a sigh as a robot without lungs could get, and began. "Well, first of all, let's start with the tale of Mr. Bill."

Instinctively, Spleenk poked Dib. When the human looked up, Spleenk pointed at the frontward half of the jailcell. "They're talking about your dad. Better go listen." It was a whisper, the stage kind where, if everyone else wasn't talking and not paying attention, they would have facepalmed over Spleenk's ability to not be able to whisper at all. Regardless, Dib nodded in thanks and pushed his way forward.

"Everybody loved Mr. Bill. He was a nice guy. Weird, but still nice. But when we left Zim on the island for…" GIR glanced at Keef, who wasn't paying attention. "…For dead, it didn't sit well with him. And when the curse came about well, he thought that was karma, kicking us in the ass. He told us all that we deserved to be cursed." His eyes narrowed. "And remain cursed. That's why he sent the medallion to you, kid, wanted us to stay trapped like this."

There was a giggle from Keef, who seemed to be paying attention after all. "Of course, that didn't sit well with the captain, so…tell 'em what Tak did, GIR~"

"Well, that's a funny story there." GIR actually seemed to be getting into the little story. One of the reasons GIR units could be more interesting than SIR units was that GIR units certainly felt more when they did things. It wasn't all programmed, it was thought and emotion. That was what made GIR units tick. It was all too bad there'd only ever been one built, and, while on it's normal mode, was just plain retarded. "Now, the captain was pretty angry, being told she deserved to be cursed, so, since we couldn't really _kill_ old Billy, Tak had this brilliant idea of tying him to a few cannonballs. But he could always wriggle the cannonball out of its holster. So we just tied him to a cannon and sent him off, sinking into oblivion, the abyss of Davy Jones' locker."

Keef giggled and clapped. "But then we found out we needed his blood to remove the curse, and he was walking around down there, since he couldn't die and all~"

"That was a bit embarrassing for all those involved, yes." GIR nodded in agreement. Clearly, he had been involved. "Anyway! Now, be silent!"

There were no more arguments.

~!~

"Gazlene? Gazlene, may I speak to you for a moment?"

"Go ahead, daddy, talk all you want. That doesn't mean I'm listening." Another knot completed. No one had come to check on her so far, besides her father, so no one knew she was going to leave and had told her father, so she was safe. Probably.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

A sigh. "Look, Gazlene, you did a very honorable thing today. I know you haven't always fancied Iggins, but marrying him will take you a long way, and doing it for such a reason, to save your friend…that's very honorable. You've done a good thing."

Gaz wasn't listening anymore. This was just like her father. Give him some science and he'd be energized and talk about it for hours in that on-the-edge tone of his, but tell him to go talk to his daughter about marriage-to-be and he'd be shuffling feet for hours, watching the ground and his fingernails and trying to get to the point, but veering off at the last second over and over again. Supposedly, it was a trait all fathers shared, but she doubted it. If it WERE true, then she feared for humanity's fate. Maybe Dib, in all his senseless ramblings, _had _been right on one point: people were doomed unless they started sticking their necks out for each other.

Which was what she was about to do.

"Gazlene? Gazlene? Are you there? Gazlene, are you even listening to me?"

By the time Membrane took the silence as a cue to check for his daughter, she was long gone.

~!~

"Time to go. Let Bill Jr. out of there."

Complying to the robot's wishes, Dib shuffled to the front to be let out. He was hoping the rest of them would make a break for it, but he was disappointed. They seemed to know just how easily that would get them killed, which made them nervous to do anything. It was too bad, he thought as the handcuffs were snapped around his wrists and he was led away, presumably to the captain, and a boat of some sort to go to shore.

Tak smirked at him, a zipper-smile full of pearly needles, as was par the course for an Irken. "You're ready to go, then? I ask because we wouldn't want you manhandled too badly if you weren't."

"I'm fine." Dib climbed into the boat that was suspended over the water. Tak shook her head, chuckling, and clambered in after him. GIR followed, jumping the gap entirely, then motioning for Sizz-Lorr to release the ropes he held in his hands.

The rest of the crew would follow, Dib knew, except for two or three pirates who would wait at the boat to make sure it wasn't hacked onto. Maybe one of the four Irkens had something they could pick a lock with in their pack-things.

He could only hope. For their sake.

~!~

Salvation came in the hands of, not a lockpick in a PAK, but a young woman who had the real key.

Gaz had taken a rowing boat to the Pearl, boarded, and headed towards the jail keep. The two pirates who had been left onboard to guard the ship had detected her presence almost immediately. In a panic, she'd used the heel of her palm to break one's nose, then grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him in the crotch. The other pirate, watching his companion roll around on the ground in agony, decided not to stick around. Fine with Gaz. She had some friends to rescue.

After some difficulty with the second pirate that was resolved in a way eerily similar to that of the first, and getting lost a few times, Gaz made her way down to the cells. With an uncharacteristic smile and wave, she removed the key from the hook it hung on, unlocked the cell, and accepted the many hugs received from freeing so many people at once. Gaz wouldn't have stamped any of the people in the cell as huggers, but hey, you learn something new every day.

Her happiness was certainly ruined by the fact that none of the other pirates were willing to stick their necks out for Dib the same way she stuck out her neck for them.

"We've got the Pearl now. We can just go wherever we want. I'm sorry, but Zim and Dib seem to be magnetically attractive to trouble." Lard Nar's attempt at reasoning did not help the situation.

"But they're your friends! You're all my friends, that's why I saved you, remember? It happened downstairs? Like, twenty minutes ago?"

There was some awkward shuffling and nervous glances at each other before Tenn stepped forward. "Look, I'm not going to be seen as a coward here, alright? I'll help you get the spare rowboat out, but this is my ship we're on now. I'm going to be a better captain then Zim was, and I'd stay with it if that meant going down in it."

"Alright, fine. Let's get this down."

Two strong, female workers hitched the rowboat up to be clambered into. As Tenn turned away, she felt a hand rest on her shoulder, and knew better then to look around at Gaz's face. She did anyway.

"Please."

Tenn bit her lip.

The rest of the crew had dissolved, not wanting to be picked out and personalized by Gaz among the group. Tenn was going to take all of the puppy-dog eyes and stand strong, that was her job…

"Did Tenn just go with Gaz?"

"I think she did."

"Should we go after them?"

"Nah."

~!~

"Is this the place, Zim?"

"This is the place."

"Do you swear that?"

"Zim swears it on his own name and his _amazingness_ that you are in the correct place! Go and bother someone else!"

"We just wanted to make sure, because we're about to blow it to kingdom come."

"Phhffbwah? Why? _How_? _WHY_?"

"Do you know why you're not supposed to kiss someone in the morning?"

"WHAT DOES MORNING BREATH HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just changing the subject. You'll have to excuse me, that's something I do when I'm nervous. You see, Zim, I'm about to become famous, and that's a little nerve-wracking."

"Why are you about to become famous?"

"Have you ever played a meat-organ, Zim?"

"A what? What does that have to do with this?"

"A _meat-organ_, Zim. An organ made purely of human flesh. You know, an organ. For churches and things."

"Bah…? That isn't even possible! Even the amazing Zim couldn't make one of those!"

"It IS possible. _I've _played one. Sounds terrible, doesn't it?" There was sort of an awkward silence. "You're right, we're getting off track here. Ready to go back in your cell yet?"

"Waitwaitwait! Instead of floating the whole of your Navy off the coast of the island, you send Zim in to negotiate with Tak, he'll send them out, and you can kill them all with your primitive and inferior hyuman machinery." Zim seemed pretty proud of his plan. Iggins ignored him.

"Maybe we should send in some bait for them to eat up…Oh, but I don't want to endanger any of my men…" Iggins stroked his chin, then snapped his fingers and whirled around to face the Irken behind him. "That's it! Zim, we'll be asking for your cooperation."

Zim swallowed.

~!~

"There's nothing to worry about, we just need a few drops of blood is all, buddy~ you can go free after that~" Keef was trying to cheer Dib up. It didn't work.

"Last time we screwed up." Dib felt a prod in his back and knew it to be Sizz-Lorr's spatula. "This time, we spill all the blood. You know, to make sure. He's only partly Mr. Bill." The spatula turned and was used to shove Dib after Tak, who was striding through the water as though it didn't bother her at all.

When Dib was out of earshot, Keef turned to GIR. "Guess there _is_ something to worry about, huh~?" Giggles.

~!~

"I cannot _believe_ I let you talk me into this."

"I didn't talk you into it. I stared you into it."

"Somehow, that doesn't make it any better."

"Your face was cute when you tried to resist."

"How charming you are. What's the plan?"

"Well, I figure we have to disrupt them or something…"

Tenn and Gaz were situated on the same alcove Zim had attempted to leave Dib on only a few days before, overlooking the scene of Dib being offered up. From the back of the room, an all-too-familiar Irken was pushing his way through the crowd, surprising everyone who caught sight of him. Eventually he came to the front, and even Tak stopped.

She pointed. "You! You're supposed to be dead! How are you here, that's impossible!"

Zim shook his head. "Im_probable_, my dear captain." He smiled, and surprised everyone in the room, including the two girls in the alcove.

"Oooor someone could disrupt them for us."

"Y'know, Tenn, I think this is the first worthwhile thing Zim has done throughout this whole adventure."

"That's not saying much, Gazlene."

"I know."

~!~

**Heeey, Chokopoppo here again! And once again, I'm hideously late! By, like, a week! Woohoo!**

**Macbeth went well, thanks for asking. Except for the guy **_**playing**_** Macbeth, who didn't know all his lines and had to have the script onstage. But we love him anyway. Two weeks to memorize 130 lines isn't a whole lot of time, especially if half of them are long-ass monologues that no one in the audience is going to listen to anyway.**

**Looks like we're drawing near the end of IotC, huh? Y'know, this'll be the first multi-chapter fanfic I'll have ever finished. We've got one, maybe two chapters left until we finish up, but I clearly don't love you and I'm going to leave you hanging here while I go on a week-and-a-half long vacation to an island in Canada, relax, and have no internet connection until I get back. So when I do get back, I'll be uploading right away, you can count on it.**

**Next chapter coming up…not this next Wednesday, but the Wednesday after that. I think. Unless we get stuck in traffic and I just go to sleep. Until then, REVIEWS! REVIEWS HERE! HELP A SISTER OUT!**

_**INVADERS OF THE CARIBBEAN AND INVADER ZIM DO NOT BELONG TO ME. THIS CRACKED UP CROSSOVER DOES.**_


	14. Excuse me while I bargain with your life

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 14

"Irk damn it, Zim, how many times do I have to kill you before you stay dead?"

"But you didn't kill the amazing Zim _directly_, did you, Tak? No, you just thought he'd die. That is your biggest weakness! Haste!" Zim smirked. "But Zim isn't here to brag. He came to make a deal."

Tak glared. "What now, Zim? You want me to not kill the wretch, no doubt. I'm having no part in that." She tightened her grip on Dib's hair, causing him to hiss, gasping through his teeth in an attempt to silence a noise of pain.

"Nonono. Don't misunderstand Zim." Zim flashed a glance at Dib, who's eyes were closed, his teeth grit. Useless. He'd expected to see amber irises focused on the AMAZINGNESS of ZIM! Ah, well. The boy would have to figure this out on his own. "You should still kill the hyuman stink-beast. Just…not yet."

"And why not?"

"Because the entire royal navy is floating just offshore. Zim thought it was only fair to let you know." Zim gave a zippery grin of encouragement.

Tak blinked, then recovered and glared. "Why should I believe you? You've hardly been truthful with me in the past."

"You don't HAVE to believe the amazing Zim. He wouldn't blame you. After all, he's the best liar of all time. In fact, you know what? Don't believe Zim. Just kill the hyuman pig-thing and we'll be done."

Tak narrowed her eyes. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that Zim was the worst liar of all time, and him playing a trick on her would be out of his capabilities.

Dib's thoughts ran along similar tracks, and he opened one eye and peered up at Zim. The Irken looked down at him, then bared grit teeth on one side of the mouth. It was reminiscent of a wink. Dib blinked, then looked down at Zim's claw.

One of the coins was clasped in it.

"Alright, Zim, let's say I believe you." Tak snapped. "I know you well enough to know you want something in exchange for the information. Go on, out with it."

Zim smirked. "All Zim wants is the Pearl. He wants to be captain of it, with a crew. You could have the Interceptor. If the Pearl is uncursed, it's the fastest ship in the Caribbean. You and I, sailing together, the makings of a fleet. You could be 'commodore' Tak. What do you say?"

Tak analyzed Zim's face. He was serious about this. "…I want 50 percent of the loot you get." She crossed her arms.

"Ten percent."

"Forty."

"Fifteen!"

"Thirty."

"Twenty five." Zim looked at Tak's face. "Twenty. And Zim will buy you a hat." Tak looked contemplative. "A nice one. With feathers."

Tak bit the side of her mouth, stroked her chin, then smiled and extended a claw. "We have an accord?"

Zim smirked and took it. "We have an accord."

You could almost hear the wheels turning in Dib's head as he glanced from Zim's face to the coin in his free claw and back. And something clicked.

"You've been planning this."

Both Irkens looked down. They'd apparently forgotten Dib existed, and were being brought back to reality. "What?"

"Zim. You've been planning this. Ever since you learned my name, you've been planning it."

Zim looked at Dib in the eye. "…Yeah. That's about it." He returned his gaze to Tak. "If I may, commodore?"

"Give me the honor this time, captain. It _is _my first day as a commodore, after all." Tak turned to the crowd, who had just been watching the exchange with slacked-jaws, but snapped to attention as soon as her gaze was brought onto them. "All of you lot! There's an army of Englishmen out there! Mortal men." She smiled. "You know what to do."

A cheer raised up, along with every fist of the cursed crew. With the point of Tak's finger and a motion unfortunately similar to an infamous German leader who would come to be hundreds of years later, the men, robots, and Irkens turned and marched (In a mangled, crowd-y sort of way) out.

On the ledge, two heads knocked together.

"Ow! Tenn!"

"Gazlene, that hurt!"

"…Whatever. Right, that went out of control fast."

"We weren't ever really in control. The problem is, Zim's doing it AGAIN."

"What?"

"He's trying to get something out of this. If Tak wins and Dib dies – Not that he will," Tenn added hurriedly. "Since we're here – he'll still be the captain of the Pearl. If not, he can pretend the whole thing was an elaborate plan to save Dib's ass, like he did _anything_." The last word was spat out. "If I know Zim, and I do, he doesn't plan on doing shit for a comrade if letting them get hurt will take him a step up on the social ladder. His sense of self-preservation is just a bit too high." She turned to look at Gaz. "We're saving your brother by ourselves."

"Sounds legit, I guess." Gaz stopped, blinked twice (an amazing feat, as her eyes had started out closed), and turned to face Tenn. "Wait, did you say brother?"

"No one told you?" It was Tenn's turn to look confused. "Tallest, how old are you? Sixteen?"

"Twenty."

"Close enough. You have the worst adoptive father of all time." Tenn thought for a moment. "Unless he didn't know either, which is pretty weird, as they look really similar…"

"Adoptive father?"

"Tallest, do you just radiate waves of 'not able to tell anything' or something? Has no one ever told you anything about the G.E.H.L. program?"

"The G.E. what?"

"…Dear Irk." Tenn resisted the urge to slam her head into the ground. "OK, long story short: you're a test tube baby, Dib is the other test tube baby, a lot of people worked to create you, including Zim, your 'father' Membrane, Dib's adoptive father Seine, I've known this whole time, and I just kind of assumed you knew. Is that clear?"

"Not at all. But knowing everyone ever, it isn't going to get any better, so let's just go kick some ass because my fists are itchy."

"Sounds like a plan."

~!~

"What really gets me, Zim, is why it took you so long to come around to this decision. Ten years is a long time."

"Ah, but in those ten years, Zim still didn't have the pig-stink to use as a barter." Zim didn't look up from the pile of treasure he was currently rooting through. "How much do you think Zim could get for this?" He held up what looked to be some sort of golden vase, though Dib couldn't be certain. It might be for holding flowers in, for all he knew.

Tak looked at the golden vase. "…Probably abooouuut…seven, eight thousand monies? What is that even for, anyway?"

Zim looked at it too. "Zim isn't sure, but he's willing to say _throwing at your head_!" As soon as the first syllable was out of his mouth, Zim's arm stretched back, his back bending, the other arm forward. As he spoke, he sent the vase in an arch through the air on release, spinning through the air aimed for Tak.

Tak seemed prepared for the throw, catching it as a child would catch a ball their father threw, but she didn't expect to be headbutted in the side by her captive, and was sent sprawling, the vase falling out of her hands.

By the time she was back on her feet, Dib's hands were free and Zim had his sword out of his PAK. She snarled. "You filthy, ungrateful little…!"

"Ahahahaha! You really thought Zim would join and be BELOW you? Hahaha! No, don't make me laugh, I'm pissing! Hahaha!" This eventually progressed into Zim laughing while taking deep, gasping breaths, until he could speak in a level voice. "No, seriously, you're retarded."

Tak shook her head, letting a smile grow across her face. "Jokes on me, isn't it, Sizz?"

A large, shadowy figure grew up behind Tak. "Sounds like it." The spatula caught the moonlight in an eerie shine.

Two simultaneous gulps.

"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR STINKING PIG-HEAD LIFE BEFORE YOUR GIANT HEAD OF…OF CORN IS DEVOURED BY THE ALMIGHTY SOMETHING SOMETHING RAT POISON!"

"MY HEAD IS NOT BIG! And what was that about rat poison?"

"RUN FASTEEEER!"

The two humanoid forms were running at an exceedingly fast pace for their size, but stopped short at the exit, then slowly backed away as two more forms entered.

"I hope you guys weren't trying to run away, 'cos you're my best buddies ever~"

"Is that so, Keef." The other form emitted a strange red glow. "I hate them. Funny how that sort of thing works, isn't it."

"Dib-creature? If Zim doesn't make it out of this, tell Anna, Ferdolik, Skyveer, Zeff, Croix, Vehn, and, oh…Erica that they were my favorite."

"You can't have more than one favorite, Zim."

"Is that going to stop you from telling them?"

"…Womanizer."

~!~

"Hey, Sizz-Lorr!"

The giant Irken turned around to receive a blast in the face, sending him sprawling backwards into GIR and Keef. Dib and Zim were smart enough to move. "THAT'S for hitting me in the HEAD!"

"Nice shot, Gazlene. However, when you shoot, you have to aim for the neck, not the face, or they won't take much serious damage."

"Sorry. I would've, but I don't think he's got much of a neck in the first place."

"Hm…you have a point there." Tenn stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Anyway, you handle guns well. Most humans try to hold them like they would hold one of their muskets."

"I've never held a musket. I guess that helps, right?"

"Mm."

"TENN! GAZ-THING!"

"GAZ! TENN!"

Girl and Irken looked up simultaneously. Gaz sighed. "God, you two are so _loud_. Zim, go finish Tak off, would you? Dib, you're with us. We're finishing these three off." She indicated Sizz-Lorr, Keef, and GIR with a nod of her head.

Zim didn't need to be told twice. With a grin and a short "Hah!", he was off, careening towards the female Irken, who looked confused as to how everything could have gone wrong so fast.

Dib pulled his sword from its sheath and pointed the tip at Sizz-Lorr, who was climbing to his feet. His eyes narrowed.

"Let's dance."

~!~

"Where did those two _come _from?"

"Zim was so amazing you didn't realize they were there? Ha! He has that effect on people, doesn't he?" Zim swung his sword around artfully at Tak, who seemed less then amused. "Come on, draw your sword, or Zim's fight will be distastefully easy."

Tak made a noise that sounded similar to that of a displeased cat, but drew her own sword and, without warning, gave some sort of war cry and ran towards Zim, intent on jamming it through his chest and PAK.

And that's what she did.

Zim made a strangled noise, struggled to un-impale himself, and let the sword fall from his claw. His breathing went erratic, and muscles spasmed in his arms.

Tak smiled.

~!~

**OH MY GOD IT'S SUCH A CLIFFHANGER YOU TOTALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT**

**Hey, it's Chokopoppo! My excuse for being late is here!**

**We didn't actually get home on Wednesday, we got home early Thursday, and then most of the rest of Thursday was spent sleeping. When I got up, I ate dinner, watched a movie, and went back to sleep. On Friday, I was all "Shit! It's Friday the 13****th****! If I update now, it'll probably be gaytarded and won't let me actually upload anything!" (No, just kidding, I was just feeling lazy), so you get it on Saturday. Go you!**

**Also, because I was being lazy, I Googled Invaders of the Caribbean, and this fic was the first result to come up! That's because I'm awesome and can bake a pie. Yeah!**

**Two more chapters to go! BE EXCITED.**

_**I DON'T OWN POTC OR IZ.**_


	15. And Death Reigns Supreme

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 15

**Hey kiddies, Chokopoppo here. You may have noticed that I have an abnormal, early author's note up here at the top of the fic. Well, there's a reason for that. See, there's a scene in this chapter that you may (well, probably will) feel uncomfortable reading. Up until now, I've been cruising along at a 'T' rating, but that may not be the case from here on out. If you're generally squeamish or weak-stomached, I highly suggest skipping said scene. How will you know which one it is, you ask? Don't worry, I'll mark it between two bold scene changes. (You know, this thing: ~!~)**

**Sorry for any inconvenience, and I'll see you again at the bottom.**

~!~

The choking noise Zim had been making abruptly stopped when Tak pulled her sword from him. The force she put on his shoulder (to remove the blade properly, you understand) sent him stumbling back, and she was all ready to go with manic, shrieking laughter, except that he took a few too many steps backward into a moonbeam.

Tak blinked.

Then she hissed.

Zim, on the other hand, seemed perfectly pleased with what had happened, his zippery smile grinning in his skull. I say skull, because if I had said on his face, that wouldn't quite have been correct. His face seemed to have melted away, leaving only a purple-tinted, face-shaped plate, one red eye gazing out from it's socket, the other one missing. Skin melted away from the exoskeleton, leaving purple-ish gray bones and black, spiny joints wherever his body could bend. It resembled a suit of armor more than anything else. The antennae on Zim's head looked more like old trees than little sticks – nerve endings and Irk knew what else splitting from the bottom and threading all over the skull like roots – but the tops were torn and ripped regardless, looking fizzly and useless. Zim's teeth seemed to be part of his skull, instead of bits of bone connected to the jaw. His PAK was fizzing and sparking uselessly, a crack through it, just like the crack that now broke the bone-plate that was his chest. His clothes were worn and tattered, but he barely noticed. In fact, Zim was having more fun smirking at Tak than he'd ever had since he was a smeet.

"What do you think of _that_, TAK? You couldn't even protect one little piece of golden _filth _from the amazing Zim!" To prove his AMAZING point, Zim held up the piece of gold he'd snatched while they had been bargaining earlier, turning it so that the moonlight glinted on it. "Now, filth-creature, prepare to feel the wrath of ZIM!"

Tak's hands shook, ready to grab Zim and throttle him, wring his neck, snap off each claw and stuff them down his throat, take a knife and jam it up his…no. No, she had to calm down. None of it would do anything if he felt just as little pain as she did. Nerve endings broke too, she knew that. Right. OK. Deep breath. Get the gold from him, the coin away from him, _then _break those bones, skin his tongue, snap his teeth off one by one…No, stop. Don't lose yourself in fantasies. Get him first, then think about what you'll do to him.

Tak allowed herself a primitive snarl before hurling herself at Zim, sword in hand, a verifiable death trap. Claws out, indestructible, reaching for the coin. Get the coin. Mimi had done it so easily.

She could do it, too.

~!~

They'd been separated so easily.

Tenn could feel blood pumping through her veins, hear it in her antennae, see it in her eyes. They were going to be beaten by the first trick in the book: separate your enemy, then focus on each one individually. Just because she couldn't see the strange-eyed human didn't mean he wasn't there. He was there and hiding in the darkness somewhere and the second she dropped her guard he'd appear and reach _into_ her and rip her squeedly-spooch right out. Speaking of her squeedly-spooch, she had the most unpleasant feeling in it just then, like hundreds of tiny Blorchians trying to scratch their way out, or maybe just one big one trying to crawl in. She didn't know what that meant, but it couldn't be a good thing.

She heard a noise and spun around just in time to see Keef flying at her, arms outstretched, reaching for her. He must have planned to grab her by the neck and knock her over. Well, not today.

Tenn fired.

~!~

Somewhere along the line, Gaz and Dib must have traded opponents, because she was pretty sure she hadn't started out against the giant, hulking monstrosity of an Irken. Tenn had given Gaz an interesting gun called the Poltenker or something. Gaz didn't remember much about it, just that it was nicknamed 'the Mercy Killer', and was fairly unpopular with Irkens. Essentially, it sent a jolt of some kind of super-painkiller into the bloodstream before said super-painkiller tightened the veins and cut off blood flow, killing the victim in a matter of a few seconds.

Gaz had thought it cool, until she realized how useless it would be against Sizz-Lorr. He couldn't die, so shooting him just wasted the punch of the gun, and she avoided using it when possible. She preferred, instead, to dance around the fry-cook, using some pretty awesome (if she said so herself) tactics that she made up as she went, causing him to hit himself far more often than hitting her.

She could only wonder how her brother – man, was it strange to call him that – was faring against the whole thing, though. She wasn't sure if he could even take the tiny robot that she'd been fighting initially. That thing looked weak, but it could pack a punch.

~!~

Torque didn't know what he was expecting when he heard the noise of many not-soldiers approaching, but it sure as hell wasn't what he saw. Tens of skeletons, broken robots, and what appeared to be giant bugs came storming onto the ship.

He barely had time to scream before he felt clawed hands sinking into his skin, and watched wide-eyed as his own throat was torn out and held mockingly in front of him.

The rest of the crew came charging out at the sound of Torque screaming, a rare occurrence that came only when something truly terrifying appeared, only to scream themselves and turn on their heels, running like madmen. The crew of the Black Pearl turned their heads back and forth like sprinklers, all looking at each other, before one Irken laughed. That must have been some sort of breaking point, because the rest of them threw back their own heads and laughed, too. They laughed and laughed, and followed the running mortal men like a hunter follows a rabbit, with their weapons raised, and their gleeful cackling continuing on, never running out.

Iggins, meanwhile, had just been floating offshore of the island when he heard the noise. He blinked, turned his head back towards the ship to see what the racket was, and immediately blanched.

"Men, back to the Interceptor! NOW!"

Even Iggins and his recruits, however, did little to make a dent. It didn't take long to figure out that the undead creatures simply could not die. It wasn't that they were _hard _to kill, or even that they kept spawning like in a bad video game. A stab in the chest did nothing, nor did ripping an arm off, as Professor Membrane quickly found out. However, unlike the terrified crewmates, the professor was _fascinated_. He'd torn the arm of one of the skeletons off, and it continued to wriggle around on the floor, searching for him, trying to get a hold on him, throttle him…

"How perfectly curious! I had better write this all down." Membrane had trapped the arm in a wooden crate, which he was now sitting on. The crate shook as the arm continued to wiggle around, trying to escape, but it was ignored. "Observation is the core of REAL SCIENCE!"

~!~

Sizz-Lorr appeared to actually be down for the count.

Gaz blinked, then smirked, nodded, admired her handiwork, and headed out towards the main room(but only after dragging the unconscious Irken's face into the water. His sputtering would be hilarious when he woke up). She'd tricked the giant Irken into hitting himself with that giant spatula enough times that he'd just gotten disoriented and dizzy, and, in one last ditch attempt to catch her, had thrown himself towards her, thus flinging himself onto the ground. While he'd struggled to get up, Gaz had found something hard and heavy, and by the time he was on his knees, she'd brought it down on his head and sent him buggering back into the stonework of the floor.

Though she'd ended the fight in one of the boat entrances, Gaz had started her fight somewhere in the main room and had gone winding around the cave-island. She had a pretty good idea of where Tenn was, and that was where she was going. Tenn was a good fighter, strong and skilled, not to mention intelligent. Their combined brain/fire-power could surely blow Keef away, if they came up with something good enough to get rid of someone who could survive exploding.

Tenn was happy for the offer of help, and had made her own plan, which, after telling Gaz about it, she could confirm as a good plan. While the creepy ginger was wandering around calling her name, Tenn went rooting around in her PAK, removing a small explosive, about the size of a lemon.

Gaz blinked at it. "Aaaand…what's that?"

Tenn smirked. "It's called a grenade. Humans are going to invent these in a couple hundred years. Explosive."

Gaz wanted to ask how Tenn had it if it hadn't been invented yet, then shut her mouth. Tenn had said that _humans _would invent them in a couple hundred years, not that Irkens hadn't already.

"So anyway, you get five seconds before this thing blows everything around it to kingdom come. Think you can get him down and get back here in that time?"

"Pf. Course I can. Who do you think I am, Zim?"

Tenn snickered. "Heh. Nah, just wanted to make sure. Just pull this pin out when you've got it in place, then run like Hell." The Irken gingerly handed Gaz the small green explosive. "Oh, and Gaz."

"Yeah?"

"For Irk's sake, be CAREFUL."

Gaz smirked, then darted out from behind the cover of the rock and found a spot in the moonlight. She took a deep breath, then, at the top of her voice, bellowed "KEEEEEEEF!"

The redhead came running, helpfully encouraged by the open arms of a potential hug and a huge, fake grin. He probably did not expect a grenade shoved into his ribcage, the small pop of a pin being removed, a shove into the shadows, and his once-buddy running at top speed.

By the time he figured out what had happened, he was already splattered all over the room.

Tenn turned to look at Gaz, who was panting, then peered over the rock they'd been hiding behind. She grimaced and sat back down. "Eugh."

"Yeah."

"So now what?"

"Now we go help Dib."

"Catch your breath first."

"No, there's no time."

"SIT."

~!~

Dib had done what he did best – figured out what he had to do, then stressed over how to do it.

He knew he'd have to re-wire the robot somehow, but how to re-wire technology he'd never seen before seemed impossible. Hell, until a few days ago, Dib hadn't even seen anything more advanced than a horse and carriage, let alone a freakin' _robot_. Just the concept of the thing made him sick to his stomach.

But he had to try, or the thing would blow him to smithereens.

The next time GIR came close, Dib threw himself at it, toppling it over, and reached for the plate on its chest, which popped off disturbingly easily. And lo, to his amazement, there was just a knob there, with a little arrow on it, pointing to the settings. It had been turned fully to the red word 'Duty-mode', rather than the blue word 'Fun-mode'. Dib grabbed and turned.

The little robot, which had been writhing and swearing, slowed down and slumped over, coming to a stop. Its red glow dimmed to a pale blue, and it stared up at the human pinning it down. Then, without warning, it broke into hysterical, metallic laughter. "Hiya, big-head boy! You smell all green! Like those _pencils_! Whee!"

Dib let go of GIR and watched it roll around on the floor, laughing its little metal ass off. "Well, that's better. I guess." He shrugged, then headed off towards where Zim and Tak were dueling to the death that would never happen. He stopped when he heard an earth-shaking noise, like some kind of wet, splattery explosion, but decided that no, he'd rather _not _know, thank you all the same, and continued on his way.

~!~

Professor Membrane glanced up from where he was scribbling on a notepad to look at the newcomer. Iggins had come rushing in, as though the devil himself were on his heels. "Oh, hello there, Commodore. How is everything there? Is it SCIENTIFIC? Oh, how glorious it must be to battle hellions like that! Are we winning?"

Iggins' face said 'no'. Emphatically.

~!~

By the time Gaz and Tenn were ready to go help Dib, he was already standing at the metal coffin, slicing his hand open.

Tenn watched the coin that Zim threw land perfectly in the boy's hand. Gaz was too busy watching Zim and Tak's fight, caught by the sight of blades flashing, Zim gaining, then losing, then gaining the advantage again, the fight fair between two Irkens, sometimes living, sometimes dead, both with an equal passion and need to win.

So it was Gaz and not Tenn who was confused when Zim pulled the pistol from his PAK and aimed for Tak's chest.

~!~

Tak rolled her eyes. "Really, Zim? You've carried those pistols around for years, and now you've just wasted them. Stupid, stupid Irken-"

"He's not stupid. You are."

Tak spun to face the man standing at the metal coffin, her face contorted with confusion and indignation, but both were swept away by fear as she watched blood drip from Dib's hand, the coin falling at the same time. Her eyes turned back to the bullet wound that had been punched into her chestplate.

And suddenly, she was laughing.

"Zim, you fucking idiot! You do understand that I still have a fucking PAK, right? This won't do anything!" Tak kept laughing, but it slowed as she caught sight of Zim's smile. It wasn't his 'O-ho I am amazing' smile. It was a 'Look where I am and what I can do to you now' look.

~!~

The men on the Interceptor hadn't expected their swords and bullets to suddenly start to do damage. The way they'd been fighting, as well as they could, hard as they could, and as desperately as they could, cut through the Black Pearl's crew like a hot knife through butter. The once _un_-dead men were now deader than doornails. This, of course, settled in and, once the whole ship had been searched for any more of the pirates, there was a great deal of cheering.

Iggins crept out from the study, and did his best to look as though he'd been there the whole time. Membrane, however, was less than willing to give up his daughter to a coward, and refuted what he'd said about letting Iggins marry Gaz, now that the man's true nature had been exposed.

The commodore seemed to wither where he stood, but it didn't affect Membrane in the least. Besides, he was too busy looking at the notes he'd made about the undead hand that had crawled around in a box for a while to think about anything else, and had gone over them about three times before something refreshed in his memory.

His daughter.

On the island.

With filthy violent pirates.

**~!~**

She had to get him before he got her, had to-

She felt the PAK leg impale her, hoisting her in the air. Fuck, it hurt, it hurt so much and there was something hot and wet coming out of her mouth and

Oh Irk the ground felt hard and her body was bruising when she slammed against it and burning all over her torso and something reach in where it was open and pulling on

She couldn't see fuck but she knew the thing in Zim's hand was supposed to be in her, not just held by strings to her inner torso and something was going through it but it was still connected and she couldn't breath and her eye, her left eye, it was gone, something dripping out of the socket, something purple but not her eye, her eye was

Fuck fuck fuck FUCK _FUCK_

Antenna just one plucking oh fuck FUCK MAKE IT STOP _MAKE IT STOP_

Shut down stupid PAK shut down death would be better fuck fuck stop pain oh Tallest fuck stop _stop _

He's talking fucking _makeitstop_ talking to me like I'll _FUCK _listen touching my PAK get _Tallest fuck _away from that why do I care anymore _don't fucking touch me_ he'll destroy it and everything can _SHIT _be over and it won't hurt

Shut up shut up _fucking shut up go away don't TOUCH ME_

It's gone why can't I just fuck _fuck_ just leave me to die who are you why are you _talking_

~!~

Gaz had just watched for the first minute.

She'd been unaware of Zim's potential hostility. She knew he intended death for Tak, which made sense, really, but she hadn't thought he'd put the poor creature through that first.

It had started with impaling. Giant, spidery legs sprouted from Zim's back, and one went straight through Tak and out the other side. Gaz thought that would kill Tak fairly painlessly, but no. Zim repeatedly picked the body up and threw it to the hard stone and sharp rocks that made up the ground on the island. When he tired of that, he found pleasure in another way: slicing her open.

When he pulled the still-pumping organ out of Tak, Gaz lost control of her legs and her knees buckled, sinking to the floor. She thought she would be sick.

Dib was.

Impaling the organ he'd removed from the Irken was the last straw. Gaz saw red. So what if Tak had been a generally fucked up Irken? So what if she'd acted creepy or killed people? So what? So fucking what?

Zim was torturing the captain – no, the _Commodore_ – far beyond what she deserved, and Gaz wasn't going to stand around and watch.

And so, with a will of steel, Gaz got back to her feet and ran towards the two Irkens. Tak's screams were still aggressive. Even while she was bleeding and her torso was pulled open, Tak was still fighting. Her arms and legs flailed, fighting Zim with everything she had left, even as he sank his claws into her left eye and ripped out one antenna.

He was reaching for Tak's PAK by the time Gaz got there, destroying that, too, when Gaz punched him in the face. He went reeling.

"Gaz-hyuman! Zim is in the middle of something here-"

"And you won't continue. She doesn't fucking deserve this, Zim. I'm going to try and fix what you fucked up, and I expect you to run. Go and get your little fucking robot and run, because if I catch you, I. Will. Kill. You."

She wasn't kidding.

Zim ran.

**~!~**

_There's blood EVERYWHERE._

It was true, but Gaz didn't give a shit what her mind stated obviously, and kneeled down next to the wounded Irken. It was funny, she'd never noticed how small Tak was before. She looked like she could only be maybe eleven or twelve years old as a human. A child. A tiny body that needed nanomachines to keep healthy, to fix when it broke…well, it was very broken now.

Gingerly, Gaz put an arm on Tak's back and elevated her head and shoulders. The Irken fought back for a moment, then realizing that no harm was meant, slowly lowered her hands, ready to flail again.

"Tak, if you can hear me, please tell me what you want."

The Irken's breathing was labored and rasping. "I…I just…always…" Gasp. "Wanted to…to be…" Wheezing. "T-to be…re…remembered…as…as…" Tak's little body shook, like she was having a coughing fit but couldn't make a noise. "A-a-as s-something…_Great._"

Gaz nodded and ran an uncharacteristically gentle hand over the Irken's head. "I will _always_ remember you, Tak. My children and grandchildren will hear all about you, about what you did for your crew. You died for them, Tak. That is something truly great." Gaz could feel something grow in her throat and sting at her eyes. "Imagine the stories that will be told about Tak, the legendary Irken Commodore." She gave a tiny, sad smile, reached for her belt, and brought the Mercy Killer to Tak's jaw and shot.

Tak's whole body sank into Gaz's arm, eyelids sinking, an expression of serenity on her face. There was no smile, but Gaz felt as if Tak was giving her the closest thing anyone had seen.

And sometimes, late at night, Gaz would think back and wonder if she really had heard two whispered words escape the Commodore's mouth:

_Thank you._

~!~

**Hey, everyone. Chokopoppo here.**

**Damn, this is DARK. I didn't intend it to be this bad, but I must have gotten carried away. For those of you who heeded the warning at the top of this fic (ha, like anyone listens to those warnings. Ever.), let me fill you in:**

**Zim pulled a HUGE dick move and tortured the hell out of Tak. Gaz was like 'fuck you, Zim' and he ran away like a sissy little girl.**

**So anyway…**

**How did everyone like this chapter? Also, should I bump the story up a rating for that bit with Tak? It's quite violent, and I'm not sure I can stick with 'T' anymore. I mean, my brother read it and told me that he thought he was going to be sick (thankfully, he was not), and he watches Eva, so that's pretty bad.**

**Wow, I feel really crappy and depressed right now, so I need to use some exclamation points! Did you see that dramatic foreshadowing of mine right at the beginning with the Mercy Killer? Damn, I'm awesome. Also, that description of dead!Zim was not too long SHUT UP.**

** Reviews?**


	16. Things just happen, what the hell

Invaders of the Caribbean

Chapter 16

"You can stay, you know. If you really want to."

"And lose the only friends I've ever had? I've already made my decision."

~!~

The drumbeats were loud and pronounced. The rhythm was a rather simple one, of the '_half note, half note, full triplet' _variety that Gaz had grown accustomed to. However, she was neither accustomed to, nor pleased with, the fact that she knew the Irken standing at the noose.

Gaz and her father had gotten into the first fight Gaz remembered them having. And oh, it had been bitter. Gaz remembered screaming, numerous times, that Tenn was innocent, that she hadn't done anything worth the death sentence, that she had helped Gaz and Dib and protected them, kept them alive, fought off Zim (who she'd spoken of with a bit worse than he deserved), and had generally been a good person. Irken. Humanoid. Her father simply countered with "But she's an Irken." Or "But she's broken the law too many times." Simple responses, facts that Gaz couldn't really argue against, but felt were shitty reasons regardless.

And now, she had to stand here and watch her friend be hung.

Dib had been on the agenda, too, but Gaz had asked her father if she was to be hung, too, and her brother (still weird to call him that) was spared. That was just about the only thing going right so far. Well, that, and the fact that she was no longer betrothed to Iggins, the bastard. He was looking righteously less smug, which was a start. Maybe in another life, or another universe, she could be some kind of crazy Chinese lady-warrior and chop his head off*. One could only hope.

Regardless, Gaz wasn't ready to watch Tenn hang until dead, especially since Tenn had let her know that the PAK would keep her alive in terrible, suffocating agony for several days, trying to fix her until the nanomachines just gave up or broke, and only then would she have the several minutes of normal strangulation before death. Gaz had already watched an enemy in agony, and she could guess that seeing a friend experiencing it would be several times worse.

So when Dib sidled over through the crowds towards Gaz with surprising urgency, Gaz was more than ready to listen to whatever plan he'd cooked up; she knew that look on his face, and it meant 'guess what'.

"So what's the plan?"

"What are you talking about? What plan?"

"…You don't have a _plan_?"

"Nope. I was actually coming over here to confess that I am harboring deep, undying romantic love for you and wish to propose." Dib glanced over at Gaz's horrified face, and delved into rather girly giggling. "Nah, I'm just fucking with you. I can't tell you the whole plan, but when I put it into action, can you cause some kind of distraction?"

Gaz sighed in obvious relief that Dib had been joking, though she was pissed that he'd timed it like that. Oh, well. "How will I know you're putting it into action?"

"Trust me, Gaz, _you will know_."

"Oh, one of those."

"Yeah."

And with that, Gaz was on her own again, watching Dib disappear into the crowds. She bit her lip and turned her attention back to the man listing Tenn's 'crimes'. It wasn't like she was nervous or anything. Dib wouldn't screw up something this big. Her lip just kind of itched, but itching it with a fingernail would be distracting.

The fact that it felt like someone was kicking her in the stomach had nothing to do with it.

~!~

"_You did well. It's the kind of ending anyone would want."_

"_Well, y'know. It wasn't like she did anything really nefarious or anything. She just wanted her flesh back. I know I would."_

"_Still. That was decent of you."_

"_Not really. Anyone would have done the same."_

"_I didn't. Your brother didn't. You did, because you knew it was the right thing to do, and fuck the people who wouldn't agree. Don't belittle yourself."_

"…_Woah, where did the shitty pep talk come from?"_

"_Nowhere. Are you getting in the boat or not?"_

~!~

Damn, did this guy just drone on or what?

Dib rolled his eyes as the announcer just went on and on, listing every single crime Tenn had committed, one of which was just 'being an Irken'. Someone was going to have to set that straight someday, because it was ridiculous. He'd heard that, in the past, in the continent of Asia somewhere, Irkens were treated as being equal to the man of the house, even the female ones*. Why they didn't all just flock off to there, Dib would forever be pondering.

"…And for these crimes, we put you to the noose. May God have mercy upon your unclean soul." Right, that was the ending of the speech, and it was time to move.

Dib pressed through the crowds, not bothering to apologize to the people he had to shove out of the way, and got in range. He was aiming for the spot where Tenn's feet should go…

Perfect shot, perfect timing. As the floor disappeared under Tenn's feet, the sword Dib had thrown appeared, and she was able to shakily balance on it. Dib, meanwhile, had already gotten himself onto the platform and was drawing another sword, ready to cut Tenn free.

Gaz blinked once or twice, in the shock of the sudden panic around as the sound of a rope being sliced cut through the air, then remembered what Dib had said to her not minutes before. _Distraction, distraction, distraction…oh!_ A distant memory, of falling off of a cliff, and Gaz began to gasp for breath, dramatically and realistically, before stumbling backwards and collapsing on the stone steps behind her. Both Iggins and Membrane dropped to their knees at her sides.

_Huh. That was easier than I thought it would be. I should do this all the time._

Dib, meanwhile, was currently finding out that fighting with Tenn was nothing like fighting with Zim. For one thing, she covered his ass, and would shoot a guy holding a club between the eyes, rather than watch Dib get hit and then laugh (and call him a foolish pig-smelly). She had better aim, she was better equipped, and her self-preservation wasn't so unfortunately high as it might have been. She had the fact that the two of them were working TOGETHER down much better than Zim ever would have.

So why was it harder to fight with her than with him?

Dib struck a gash in a man's chest and punched another in the face, while Tenn kicked a third in the genitals and shot a fourth in the neck. They found themselves back to back, and Dib chanced a momentary look towards Gaz's distraction. It certainly had Membrane and Iggins fooled. Good. Maybe she could keep them off their backs for long enough for him and Tenn to make a clean getaway…

Jabbing a man through the eye, Dib realized that he hadn't said goodbye. There was a lurch in his stomach, and he was fairly certain it didn't have anything to do with his now-gross blade hacking into another body.

~!~

_ "Hey, loser."_

"_Oh, hey, Gaz. Um…are you…generally…uh…OK?"_

"_What do you mean by that?"_

"_I mean…you…watched someone die."_

"_So? I've seen a lot of people die. At the hangman's noose, drowning in the bay, blasted between the eyes…it doesn't make any difference. We all have our time, yeah?"_

"_But…I mean…in your arms. She…um. Yeah. So…are you…you're…"_

"…"

"_Look, just forget it. I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."_

"…_Has Tenn told you yet?"_

"_Eh? Told me what?"_

"_Nevermind. C'mon, loser, we're going."_

"_Hey, get back here! Tell me WHAT?"_

~!~

"Give up! You're surrounded!"

Dib stumbled back and hit Tenn, who apparently had been doing something similar, and there was the sinking realization that, whoever had shouted, they had been very right. Everywhere Dib looked, he saw some kind of gun pointed towards his face. He bit his lip and glanced back towards Gaz, who had gotten to her feet and was hurrying towards the large circle of soldiers, with Membrane and Iggins just puzzled at how she'd recovered so quickly.

Dib had expected Gaz to try and reason with her father, something that so often worked, not to watch her elbow into the circle herself like a mosher from Hell. She stood directly in front of Dib and glared at anyone who looked at her funny.

"Gazlene!" Membrane looked utterly perplexed (Not that you could tell, really, with the coat and goggles and everything). "What ARE you doing? These two are criminals! They just killed at least ten people!"

"So have you!" Gaz pointed an accusing finger at her father, who jerked back in some kind of hurt confusion. "And him!" She pointed at Iggins with her other hand. "The both of you have killed hundreds of people! These two are clean in comparison to you, and it makes me feel sick how long I believed you were a worthwhile person. You lied to me my entire life, dad! About everything."

"I don't know what you're-"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." Gaz's hand was shaking, along with her voice. Her usually 'calm-smartass' demeanor was cracking with rage. "You know damn well, and you can pretend you don't for as long as you want, but you'll only be pretending to yourself."

"No, Gazlene, I really-"

"_I know about the GEHLs!_" The simultaneous shock on the face of both her father and her brother made her lower her voice from the near-scream it had reached. "I know, and if you don't want me to explain to everyone here, you'll let these two go."

Membrane stared in that horrified, shocked silence that comes when your only child and family member basically screams "I know I was adopted!" in front of a huge crowd of people. Underneath the goggles, he was checking out the size of the crowds, and betting on the chance that absolutely none of them would understand whatever dumbed-down explanation of the experiment Gaz could offer. The chance was at approximately…less than zero. O-kay. Three options came to mind:

Order the soldiers to shoot and kill the three in the circle.

Let Gazlene explain and hope that his reputation would not be so spoiled that he might still be respected by some of the dumber people.

Let all three of them go, and hope to God his daughter wouldn't get killed or raped or something by pirates on the open sea.

He didn't want to kill his daughter, and he didn't want to be disrespected, so that left…option three. Fuck. His daughter was twenty, she'd probably get hurt, and…

It came to Membrane suddenly that perhaps, if his daughter knew she wasn't a normal human, and that most of the care attended to her was mostly his attempt to keep such a successful experiment going, it made him kind of a crap father. Scratch that, it made him a REALLY crap father. And a crap father should have no right to take care of their child. Which meant he had to take responsibility for her, as probably the last thing he'd ever do for her. Or maybe that wasn't logical. It wasn't scientific, surely, but…

What the hell.

"Lower your weapons!" Membrane swiveled his head back and forth, watching some of the soldiers give him 'is-this-a-trick' faces. "I said, put them down!"

"Actually, you said-"

Membrane turned on the soldier with a frighteningly unfamiliar look of rage on his face, and the young man cowered beneath the steely gaze of an angry scientist. The rest of the soldiers, getting the message, turned their guns to the sky. Membrane turned his gaze back to his daughter.

"I have been a terrible father. Go. Do whatever you have to do." He turned, as if to leave, then turned back. "If ever you feel the call of real science boring down on you, feel free to come back." And then he left, pushing through the crowds, fighting away questions and curious glances, and leaving a very confused and feeling-wrong-footed daughter pointing at open air.

Dib turned to face Gaz.

Gaz turned to face Dib.

There was a silence between them, as if they were both searching for where to start, and Tenn just sighed and shook her head. They wouldn't get anywhere like that. So, with two firm claws, she grabbed them both by the shoulder, manually turned them towards her, and blinked once or twice to bring them back to reality. "So, are we going now?"

"What? Oh. Uh…yeah." Dib glanced around at the large, angry crowd pressing in on three sides. "Um…hooow do we escape?"

Tenn pointed towards a wall behind them, and Gaz was sure she'd seen it somewhere before. "We could always jump, smart ones."

Gaz blinked, then smirked. "Alright. Just a second. HEY, IGGINS!" She waved the commodore over. He looked expectant.

"Gaz, if you've suddenly become interested in me, I could _possibly_ take _one _kiss."

"Could you take one in the kisser?"

"Wha-" Before Iggins could continue, there was a very irate fist in his face, and by the time his vision had stopped spinning around, all he heard was the distant splash of someone hitting the water below.

It had actually been Dib, who had stuck around to watch Iggins stumble around until it stopped being funny, then had taken the escape route. Gaz and Tenn were left at the wall, peering over the edge. Tenn turned to Gaz.

"You can stay, you know." She motioned towards the city, particularly towards the mansion in which Gaz used to spend her life. "If you really want."

Gaz snorted and gave Tenn a look that clearly stated, 'you're-great-and-all-but-you've-got-no-brain'. "And lose the only friends I've ever had?" She pointed out beyond the cliffs, where, lo and behold, familiar, tattered sails were beginning to emerge. "I've already made my decision."

And then she jumped.

Tenn waited until Gaz had swum ten strokes away from the wall before smiling, shaking her head, and following.

~!~

"You guys took too long."

"Pf. We didn't even have to come, you know. Be grateful."

"Yeah! We put our necks out for you guys!" Purple didn't actually seem interested in the conversation, and was scarfing what Dib hoped to be snacks out of a shiny bag. Occasionally, Red would smack his constant companion upside the head and grab a few of the…orange things before Purple came around again, which Dib had watched happen about nine times while Spleenk helped Gaz and Tenn up.

"Well, now what?"

"Um…" There was a collective lack of ideas around the ship. Finally, Gaz stepped forward.

"I don't know if you all know this, but a certain ex-comrade of ours did something really despicable. So I say we hunt him down, and make him pay."

There was a bit of a dramatic silence before the happy cry of "I don't get it!" came from Shloontapooxis. "Who are we after now?"

"Zim."

Red and Purple looked at each other before something dawned on them. "Hey! He never paid us!"

"Yeah! We went on this whole adventure and worked for him and stuff, and then he just ran off and we didn't get anything!"

There were many similar cries of outrage, though they weren't all the same; there were ones like "He never gave me the Interceptor!"(Tenn), "He abandoned his post in the militia!"(Skoodge), or even "What a despicable creature and a waste of life and time"(Gaz). By the time things had quieted down enough for yells to be heard, the entire crew had decided that Zim had to be taken down, and hard.

"We need a captain," Dib said suddenly. "Or we won't get anywhere."

There was general agreement, and as everyone else argued over who was most qualified to be captain, Gaz wandered towards the bow of the ship. She wasn't really interested in the leadership position, which confused even herself until she thought about it. Really, she'd always sat in the back of the room or the back of the class, hadn't she? She'd never volunteered to do big public things, or anything of the sort, because people didn't like her and she didn't like people. The position of captain was, sure, a cushy position, but to be honest, it required remembering the names of all her crewmates, something she could barely do now. It was…well…she just didn't like people enough to want to be captain.

The argument behind her slowly quieted, then ceased as the captain was chosen – Gaz didn't need to look to know it had been Tenn – and the sound of noise and rushing people came back shortly afterwards. She just listened and watched the world around her, as Dib scrambled across the ship and back, or Red pushed Purple into a mast, or Lard Nar yelled at Spleenk and Shloontapooxis, or even as Tenn yelled loud commands over the whole hubbub. And throughout, she had no idea she was singing.

Twelve years ago, she'd been on the crossing from England with her father, and the first confrontation with Red and Purple had warned her of her own bad luck. Twelve years ago, she'd nicked a piece of gold that she hadn't been right to put back where it belonged. Twelve years ago, if someone had told her she would be hunting down an Irken for killing another Irken, something she would never have been caught dead getting involved with, she would have punched them in the face.

Twelve years ago, she'd been singing.

Some things change over time. Others stay the same for years on end. Time is a fluid, slipping from one place to another, moving all around you but never stopping, even for the smartest man or the tallest Irken. Some things it carries with it, other things are left behind. We forget what is where, and why it isn't here, and even what it is or why it happened or if it happened at all. But everything is in it's place for it's own reason, and the time has come for the resurfacing of a few memories, however small or trivial.

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me…"

~!~

**INSERT THEME SONG HERE.**

**Wow. Looks like that's the end of it. End of the rope. The whole doodad. Huh. I had no idea I was actually going to finish it.**

**Hey, this is Chokopoppo, at the end of the line, here to say thank you to everyone who made it through the whole story! You guys rock! I'm looking at you, ZimsMostLoyalServant and InvaderJohnny!**

**And y'know, everyone else who read. BUT THOSE TWO REVIEWED EVERY DAMN CHAPTER AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FOR IT. So yeah.**

**Obviously, this chapter was a little delayed, as I planned to finish it and get it up about…three weeks ago. However, when it started getting to be overdue, I realized that, what with it being the last chapter of the story and all, I should build up some suspense (That, and I started in on my first year of high school and I was kinda busy. But you know. It's OK if you get those two confused). So suspense was built, I hope, otherwise the whole thing would be silly and unnecessary. YOU WERE WAITING ON THE EDGES OF YOUR SEATS FOR THIS. ADMIT IT. IT'S ONLY HARDER ON YOURSELF IF YOU DON'T.**

**So, of course, I'm sitting here and getting a high for finishing my FIRST EVER FANFIC LONGER THAN A ONESHOT go me. I had fun writing it and I hope you had fun reading it. OH YEAH GOT A MOVIE QUOTE IN THERE**

**Anyway.**

**Obviously, the finish of this fic is MUCH different than the finish of the movie. Thought I'd throw you off track there. Bet you were all surprised and wondering how the characters would wriggle out of it, and then you felt discomforted and confused with the ending because you so expected a different one. Well, too bad.**

**And, yeah, I'll probably leave the fic here, since IZ just doesn't have enough characters to accommodate for the other two movies. Instead, I would encourage you to, after reading this a couple times this month and wondering where you went wrong in your reviews that would make me leave the storyline at such a suspenseful point, move along. Possibly to one of the two NEW fics I'll be starting up sometime this month, one of which is another IZ, and one of which is, instead, JtHM, which is lovely because I love it.**

***This isn't a self reference to something else I'm starting where did you get that preposterous idea.**

**Goodbye for now, and I hope to see you all again soon,**

**~Chokopoppo**

~!~

Absolute silence.

The cave now housed no living souls, and thus made no noise, not even the gasping, gargling noise of a creature with it's head underwater desperately trying to get some oxygen, nor even the sound of lots of bits of flesh pulling themselves back together with an inhuman healing ability. The light of day had passed several times, beaming shafts through the ceiling and causing a glinting splendor among all the gold.

But it was not day now. Not a light poured into the silence, save for the faraway, frozen glinting of stars and the pale glow of a waning moon. The quiet was choking to any living soul who dared stride in alone, and the fear of ghosts or vengeful demons kept those who could find it outside anyway. The peace of death, of a crypt, the best kind of last resting place anyone dared want, surrounded by gold and the wonderful, beautiful sound of silence.

And yet, something was missing.

The dark blur, that looked more like a paint smear on the canvas of reality, planned on fixing it. Which was why it was there in the first place.

Taking the common form of a red-eyed cat, Mimi stepped onto the flat surface of Tak's chest and nuzzled its (late) owner's chin. It didn't mind the stench of death that weighed down all around her. That would change soon. It always changed eventually, if it just waited long enough. The PAK made it all better. Just as long as you waited.

And Mimi would wait forever.


End file.
